this post was submitted on 10 Sep 2024
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[–] [email protected] 3 points 6 days ago

Get rid of Ronald Reagan.

[–] [email protected] 51 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Bad idea. Last time someone did this we ended up with this timeline.

[–] [email protected] 24 points 1 week ago

The comedy of errors that resulted in World War 1 seems to indicate that there is a group of time travelers trying to make sure this time line happens.

[–] [email protected] 36 points 1 week ago (2 children)

I would go back in time and meet the people who wrote the first ever USB standard. Then I would convince them that all USB connectors have to be reversible from day one so that nobody will ever need to struggle with the 20/80 odds of getting it right on the first try. Come on, it’s two possibilities and the probability of the wrong one is at least 80%. What’s the deal with a connector like that?

[–] [email protected] 50 points 1 week ago (5 children)

Accordingly to the USB inventor, he didn't make it reversible right off the bat because it would need 2x more wires, circuits, and cost 2x more. So you probably [won't be | weren't]* able to convince him.

Perhaps a better approach is to tell him that they should be clearly asymmetric, to both touch and sight. Like HDMI connectors are.

*tense marking is fun in time travel.

[–] Dasus 1 points 4 days ago (1 children)

*tense marking is fun in time travel.

One of the major problems encountered in time travel is not that of becoming your own father or mother. There is no problem in becoming your own father or mother that a broad-minded and well-adjusted family can't cope with. There is no problem with changing the course of history—the course of history does not change because it all fits together like a jigsaw. All the important changes have happened before the things they were supposed to change and it all sorts itself out in the end.

The major problem is simply one of grammar, and the main work to consult in this matter is Dr. Dan Streetmentioner's Time Traveler's Handbook of 1001 Tense Formations. It will tell you, for instance, how to describe something that was about to happen to you in the past before you avoided it by time-jumping forward two days in order to avoid it. The event will be descibed differently according to whether you are talking about it from the standpoint of your own natural time, from a time in the further future, or a time in the further past and is futher complicated by the possibility of conducting conversations while you are actually traveling from one time to another with the intention of becoming your own mother or father.

Most readers get as far as the Future Semiconditionally Modified Subinverted Plagal Past Subjunctive Intentional before giving up; and in fact in later aditions of the book all pages beyond this point have been left blank to save on printing costs.

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy skips lightly over this tangle of academic abstraction, pausing only to note that the term "Future Perfect" has been abandoned since it was discovered not to be.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 days ago (1 children)

This is the sort of thing that I love reading on the internet.

From a conlanger perspective I feel like the time reference could be split into four, to account time travel. For example: let's say that both of us travelled to 3100, I remained there and you came back to 2024. Then you write me a letter, that I'm going to read as soon as we arrive in 3100, telling me about your experiences. You could use:

  • your current date as reference - 3100 comes after 2024, so it's future
  • your personal experiences - you already experienced it, so it's past
  • my current date as reference - as I'm in 3100, it's present
  • my personal experiences - as I'm watching you experience it, it's present

Any given language could pick any of those references to model their tense around, or many of them, or even none (plenty languages IRL lack grammatical tense). If only doing things from the PoV of the speaker (you), that means 6~9 tenses for what most languages have 2 (past and non-past) or 3 (past, present, future).

[–] Dasus 1 points 3 days ago

This is the sort of thing that I love reading on the internet.

Sorry to disappoint you, but most of that text is found offline — as it's an excerpt from Douglas Adam's "The Restaurant at the End of the Universe" (sequel to "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"). I probably should've attributed it.

If only doing things from the PoV of the speaker (you), that means 6~9 tenses for what most languages have 2 (past and non-past) or 3 (past, present, future).

And then you'd have to account who knows what, which version of a person you're talking to. Say you're having a conversation with someone before traveling in time to a time in which they've not timetraveled, so it's either their subjective past or future, but then you continue the conversation, so you'd have to account for both the speakers perspective and the person being spoken to, who would then be subject to two different tense "totalities" since the conversation with them would have been taking place in two different times at the same time.

I seriously suggest reading Douglas Adams and Terry Pratchett for that sort of thing. I used to use Pratchett books as a substitute for weed when I was a bit over twenty.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 week ago (1 children)

You can even make the connector look like a B with a larger loop on one side, that when people were like why is it shaped like that you could just say that's the b in the USB

[–] Rhynoplaz 6 points 1 week ago

This guy drives the bus!

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 week ago

You don't need double the wires if you change the recepticle so that you can plug it in both ways, and the recepticle would just have those wires connected on the board.

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[–] Drunemeton 23 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

While you’re there make damn sure they create a coherent naming scheme that allows upgrade paths/versioning.

Sincerely,
USB 3.2 Gen 1×1
USB 3.2 Gen 2×1
USB 3.2 Gen 1×2
USB 3.2 Gen 2×2

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[–] [email protected] 28 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I'd stop the guy who went back in time to stop the first guy from smoking stuff.

[–] over_clox 9 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Hey hey, edibles are a thing. Ain't gotta damage your lungs to get a buzz..

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)

True.

And you could always go back in time to stop me from stopping you from stopping the guy.

That's why I think time travel will never allow history to be changed, and I think Rick and Morty may have done a bit about that.

[–] over_clox 7 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Indeed. Even the late Stephen Hawking arranged his own experiment to prove/disprove the possibility.

Apparently it was disproven...

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hawking's_time_traveller_party

[–] grue 8 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Alternatively, Hawking proved that he was unpopular and nobody wanted to go to his party.

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[–] AngryCommieKender 26 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Go back to 1911 and convince Taft to concede the Republican nomination to Roosevelt. That allows Roosevelt to stomp Wilson, get the US into the war before Russia left, and get the war over with years earlier.

This prevents both Stalin and Hitler from rising to power, and prevents most of the European theater of WW2, as well as a host of other knock-on effects.

https://youtu.be/hLiI6kXZkZI?si=YJZMmkpOH4FZQiLt

[–] merari42 6 points 1 week ago

In this scenario Lenin does not manage to take over Russia and the warning to the world by the real life examples of Germany and Italy about the dangers of fashism does not happen either. Authoritarianism raises its ugly head later in a world with better weapons and more destructive potential for humanity.

[–] Zachariah 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Would that prevent the space race?

[–] AngryCommieKender 8 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

I doubt it. The Russians are still gonna want to try to beat the US at anything they can, and prove themselves on the global stage, but it may have been a cooperative venture, instead of competitive.

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[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Stop that kid from falling into Harambe’s enclosure by any means necessary.

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[–] Boozilla 15 points 1 week ago

I'd like to say something noble like warn Amelia Earhart, or hookup Adolph with some Bob Ross videos. But if I'm being honest, I would probably be selfish. I would tell past me to not fuck up quite a few things that past me royally fucked up.

[–] Valmond 15 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I'd go back and convince that art school to accept a certain art student...

[–] HurlingDurling 7 points 1 week ago

I did nazi that one

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 week ago

As we learned from the Butterfly Effect, changing the past only results in Ashton Kutcher getting more power.

[–] sunbrrnslapper 13 points 1 week ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 week ago

Well... He did.

Turns out it didn't matter.

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[–] slazer2au 13 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Think of all the good I could do with a trillion dollars. I'd have to create a lot of destruction of other people's wealth to get there but they will understand. I really need a trillion dollars!

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 week ago

Got to do it in stages so it doesn't look too premeditated.

Start a online auction site where people can sell their stuff and you get a small cut of the profit.

Then to help people on board start a payment processor company to ensure that the sellers ship their goods and that buyers pay.

Once that has established, go public with it so that your stock sales can support the existence of your current portfolio while you dabble in other things that you know are very profitable.

Once you have that going, which will take a few years. You can take a victory lap or two and maybe pay some PR firms to make you look like the cool rich kid on the internet that everyone wants to hang out with.

Then you can do stuff like starting a spaceship company and helping to bring about the end of the internal combustion engine by starting an electric car company and doing some solar panel stuff.

Eventually you'll be the richest person on the planet and then you can get to doing the really fun stuff assuming you don't like tank all of your personal reputation by blowing 20% of your net worth on a microblogging website or something while disavowing your trans daughter.

I mean, if you're smart enough to do all the other things surely you wouldn't blow it at the five yard line like that.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 week ago (7 children)

Save the gorilla, save the world

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[–] BugleFingers 10 points 1 week ago

I would've gone to bed earlier tonight

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (3 children)

Warn about how plastic (especially single-use) is a major pollutant, with microplastics managing to get into our organs with long term consequences we are yet to grasp.

It did push our technology and way of living forward, but at what cost?

[–] SendMePhotos 6 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

You'd be the crazy manbearpig dude. Nobody would listen to you. How would anyone be able to persuade the people?

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 week ago (2 children)

i would not eat the kiosk chili dogs i ate earlier—they were pretty fucking bad.

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[–] FlashMobOfOne 7 points 1 week ago (2 children)

I would make sure my parents never met.

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[–] Etterra 7 points 1 week ago (2 children)

I'd go hunt down Ronald Regan at about age 30 and empty an entire magazine of .45s into his dome while he slept.

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[–] reddig33 6 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I think saving JFK would really alter the timeline. I doubt Nixon would have ever been president.

Preventing the Iranian hostage crisis might also have had a huge impact.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 week ago

Have your read 11/22/63? It's Stephen King 's take on what would happen if a time traveler tries to stop the JFK assassination.

Great book, in my opinion.

[–] linearchaos 6 points 1 week ago

I'd go back and write a book with just enough truths to cement myself as a soothsayer. I'd then warn of wars, eco disasters, pandemics, natural disasters. Then I'd invest some money in some good places and make sure it made it to my kids after I'm gone.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 week ago (3 children)

I would try to save the roman republic and prevent the roman kindgom. It would also be interesting to see what would have happend if they never switched to christianity.

[–] grue 6 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

But the Roman Republic (509 BC–27 BC) happened after the Roman Kingdom (753 BC–509 BC).

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)

The kingdom was before the republic. I assume you want to prevent the empire?

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 week ago

To prevent the empire would be more complicated than it looks like, since you got multiple rebellions and civil wars popping up as early as 135 BCE. They ultimately boiled down to

  • plebeians and/or slaves pissed due to poor living conditions
  • local peoples rebelling against Roman oppression
  • some patrician family wanting a larger slice of the pie

And those are all problems that are damn hard to address without leading to plebeians being manipulated, local peoples being suppressed, and cutting down the power of the patricians by a central, strong government. That's basically what Caesar tried to do, and Octavian achieved.

[–] over_clox 6 points 1 week ago (4 children)

I'd find the first motherfucker that started smoking stuff, whether it was first tobacco or whatever, and get rid of him/her before anyone else ever learned of the practice/habit.

Would have been better health for countless people afterwards, if simply nobody ever knew..

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 week ago

I'd tell my younger self what to invest in.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

A lot of things I didn't mean to, most likely.

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