Ask Lemmy

Met a woman on OKCupid back in like 2014. We seemed to hit it off, so we agreed to a mall date since we were both broke (she was a college student, I was a youngster in the military). We were gonna get food and just kinda walk around and window shop and talk. Gonna try to keep this short, but a lot happened:

1. Had me pick her up from her dorm, went up to the dorm, her roommates were drinking even though everyone was underage, and they're thanking her for having mom get it for her. She's super nice about it, but proceeds to complain the entire drive and start getting emotional because she hates that they drink when they're underage, etc. Yet... She provides it...

2. She doesn't eat when we get to the mall, and instead spends the whole time I'm eating, talking. No breaks for me to respond, just keeps going.

3. We start walking around the mall, and she starts randomly pinching me. Like, painfully, randomly pinching me in my arms and torso. I'm finally like wtf is with the pinching, and she says that she was doing it because I wasn't holding her hand while we walked around... We just met, and the vibe is already pretty crap, and how in any way is that a way to communicate...

4. We finally leave and get back to her dorm, I walk her to her door, and I'm invited in by her/the roommates. Fine, I decline drinking because I'm a good sailor, but my date and I exchange some pleasantries with the roommates and then head to her room. It's basically just a bed, I think maybe she was just super nervous at the mall and being in her own environment she'll relax.

5. We're just chatting, and the pinching starts again, and she's kinda just going for it with no breaks. I'm getting pissed and finally grab her wrists and tell her to stop, and she bit me. On the chest, like, hard, not a romantic playful lil love bite. I'm, again, taken aback and am like, wtf?!?

6. She starts giggling and tells me that that's how women tell guys that want to make out/get intimate. What?! No, not how that works, at all... Especially not on a first date. But, fine, I tell her she can just ask, figuring she just wants to make out.

7. After a little while making out, the pinching starts again, and apparently this time it's how women say they want to have sex. I wasn't so turned off, it just didn't happen, like, at all.

8. She walked me back to my car, and I drove her back to her buildings door, and she bursts into tears about her roommates and the drinking again, I console her enough for her to feel better and go back to her room. Say goodnight, and she just sits there staring at me. I'm kinda done at this point and just ask what, and I get, "No kiss?" Fine...

9. Get a text while I'm driving home telling me it was one of the best dates of her life, she really hopes we can see each other again soon, she really liked me and was attracted to me, etc. I respectfully declined, and when she wouldn't just take that as an answer, I sent her a text essay outlining basically all of the above, and I honestly can't remember if she responded.

Honestly, she wasn't a bad person, and maybe at different stages in our lives things could've gone better... But she had a lot going on and a lot of life to live and learn from, and I wasn't up for the ride. Hope she's doing well, if she sees this and recognizes it, and that she stopped using pinching as a means of communication.

Oh, and to illustrate how hard the pinching/bite were, I had dime sized bruises all over my arms and torso the next day, and a bite mark bruise on my chest.

Stuff like these stories terrifies me from ever dating, even though I feel the sadness of being alone more and more. And I'm on my mid 30s but I just can't imagine being in more awkward situations than the ones I'm already forced to be.

A friend persuaded me to go on a date with a girl I wasn't particularly into. We went for a meal, then she wanted to go clubbing. But I'm not into that either, so she broke down in tears. I was pretty sure I hadn't said anything that bad, but then the story came out: her ex-partner had the same first name and job as me, and the meal and clubbing were his favourite things, but he'd been found dead in another country with his common law wife and kids, and the similarity to me was effectively his coming back from the dead to be with her again.

No there wasn't a second date. I haven't seen her since either. Neither have I taken dating advice off that friend since, although we are still friends.

I took my current gf and my parents to a nice restaurant last night. She mentioned she'd only been there once before, on a date, and that the only reason they went to that restaurant (very $$$) is because he had a gift card and was going to cover the meal. Orders all kinds of expensive stuff. The bill comes and then supposedly he realizes his gift card, if it actually existed in the first place, was for a different restaurant. She ended up having to pay on her CC because he had no other forms of payment. Obviously didn't work out for him in the end.

She kept going to the bathroom to smoke crack. Then disappeared for good before the check came.

We met at a café for coffee and pastries. He talked about himself non-stop, I couldn't even get a word in, like not even to ask follow-up questions. Every so often he would realize what he was doing and then pause and sat "Oh, uh, how about you?" as though he finally remembered I was there. I could get about 2 sentences in before he took over the conversation again.

After the first date I was willing to give him a second chance because I know people can talk alot if they're nervous, so we called each other a few times, but it was the same thing, just him talking the whole time. He would call me after work and ramble for an hour about nothing. I finally broke it off because he just never shut up.

First date with a girl: I open the car door for her when I pick her up. As she gets in, she hooks a hoop earing on the corner of the door and rips it out of her ear. The next 6 hours are getting her through ER to get stitched up.

Funny enough, I did get a second date and we hung out for about a year after that.

We were teenagers and I went to her house in the boonies to shoot crossbows and play NBA Jam. Sounds ideal, right? So after shooting trees for a while she asks if I want to shoot her hamster.

Maybe she was trying to be edgy or funny but I was so disturbed I made an excuse and started walking home (which was hours away). I finally managed to hitch a ride with this creepy couple into town (but that's a whole other story - definitely did not give those two my home address).

Worst date ever: Dude was drunk when I arrived on time. Apparently he arrived at the pub 3 hours earlier to just sit and drink. Claimed to be people watching the whole time.

He was argumentative, obnoxious and creepy. Even bragged about people he was making uncomfortable in the bar.

He said he Didn’t have a license to drive… likely because he lost it from drunk driving.

Anyways I made up an excuse that I had to work early (he insisted to stay and keep drinking) and I left and blocked his contact as soon as I exited the pub.

On another date the guy I think was homeless and couldn’t afford to go on a date which is not the bad part. We went around town and just went up elevators to look over the city scape. If anything that was a positive for him in that he was being innovative with his situation. The bad part was he was deep into the Rooshv bullshit. he started talking about how clever he was, making sexist comments about men and women and how they should be and making lewd comments about my body.

As soon as we got to street level from the second building I said I had to go and tried to leave, he clamped a hand around my wrist to stop me but I used a bit of a self defence move to break free and wander into traffic to lose him.

He kept talking on the phone before the date about how short he was. I assured him it was ok. He really was very short in person but I'm not bothered by that kind of thing, but the way he kept talking about how he was shorter than me (and I'm short) through the whole date just made it so pointless and self centered. When he asked me out again I said I had met someone else and it was getting serious just to avoid going through that again. He didn't attempt to get to know me at all, so what was the point?

Worst was this girl making an uncomfortable amount of eye contact the whole time. It was like she was trying to start her way into my soul. I'd make eye contact to talk but kept having to look away because she was just too intense. I would not be surprised if she was some sort of succubus or siren trying to drain my life force.

After about an hour she asks if I have autism... I went to the bathroom and called one of my friends to vent. When I returned she asked if there was going to be a second date... There was not.

Dude tried to rape me. Might be his worst date too because he left with multiple broken fingers and a broken nose. It could have been better for me / worse for him if the cops took it seriously, but the fact that I fought back and he wasn't actually successful in raping me was enough for the cops to wave it away as a domestic dispute that self-resolved when I left.

It was going okay before dude started bragging about how he went out with a lady not too long before. He wasn't all that into her and he said she clearly wasn't into him, but he paid for dinner and guilted her into going home with him because he "might as well get something out of paying for her." Giant red flag at this point. I went to the bathroom, when I came back the bill was on the table. He claimed that the server had brought it as one bill, rather than separate, and pointed out that she'd drawn a heart around the total in red pen. He refused to let me pay for my portion.

The thing is, it's standard practice for servers to ask if the bill should be together or separate here, and I'd always been asked at that particular bar. Dude wasn't a local and clearly didn't know that. This guy told me about how he used "but I paid so now you owe me" to coerce a woman he knew wasn't interested into having sex with him, and then immediately tried the same bullshit on me. He had deliberately asked for a single bill while I was away from the table. I'm reasonably certain he's the one who drew the heart on the bill too.

Needless to say, it didn't work. He still tried to drag me off to catch the train in his direction with him and got real upset when I told him to fuck himself and bolted. I'm very glad it was an early date so it was still light out. This guy did not take kindly to being told no.

She was an hour and a half late. I only waited for her because she was responding to my messages, apologized for her tardiness, and said a couple times she'd be there withing 20-30 minutes which led to a 90-minite wait). Once she got there, she told me that she was late because she was having some anxiety that day and went to a friend's to smoke a bowl first. She chainsmoked on the patio, and I sat away from her because I don't want to smell that while I'm eating. She told me about a terrible book she was writing, with the sort of stupid plot you'd get from r/writingprompts. And then she said she needed to get high again and asked me if I wanted to come to her car with her while she did. I declined and said I was gonna head home. Proceeded to promply never see her again.

A first date was already not going well, and I said I needed to go. He decided that wasn't happening. Ended up having to run away from him, literally, through a park area while wearing heels to reach my car. It was daytime and many people saw what was happening, but no one did a thing to help. But I'm sure if it hadn't been daytime, he wouldn't have "let me" get away after catching me. There were just too many eyes on him.

I wore comfortable shoes I can run in to all first dates after that.

I had one where she obviously wasn't actually interested and just came for the free food cause she was poor. I hung out for a bit, bought her an extra meal to go and then just left.

I was living in a house with a few random housemates.. people that I didn't even meet until I had moved in. They were okay.. nothing amazing, nothing too terrible. Somehow, the person I was on the date with realized that they used to know one of my housemates, and absolutely hated them, and wouldn't stop talking about all of the reasons why my housemate was a terrible person.

Probably the first one I ever had.

Because my parents were there, too. 😩

Went out with this girl I really liked but brought a friend too just to make it less one on one and more casual. I really liked her and thought it went well. When I drove my friend home, in conversation, he told me I could do better. It was such a stupid destructive thought. All three of us were into the arts. He was into videography, she was photography, and I was painting airbrushed graphics on motorcycles. I dated her for a little while again later and more seriously, but my life was more of a mess then and it didn't work out. That was one of my biggest mistakes in life; not realizing my lack of emotional depth and letting other's opinions hold sway or weight. I partition my emotions now. I'm not sure how I feel in the moment. My first reaction is likely worthless, so "I'll have to get back to you later" - is my usual response. People who whine about how everyone is about to lose their job at work, or tell me how I should feel about others are like giant red flags telling me to avoid them as toxic. Really, in a way I do not lack emotional depth as much as that part of my inner voice speaks quietly and I need to take the time to listen to it carefully. That girl and life lesson are the same thing to me; an abstracted patch, forever holding that part of my personality. When that red flag flies in my head, she is the one waving it; holding me back; telling me to think it through.

Date was fine enough, when the girl gave me a handy like she was trying to strip me with sandpaper, that's where things went south.