Ask Lemmy

Financially, no.

With babysitting? Absolutely.

My parents have never helped me. They've never been able to. On the other hand, we've given them a fucking car to make it easier for them to help us out with watching kids and running them around. Then my dad bought a Jaguar. And he has a boat. And a truck. But they didn't have air conditioning for about a decade because they couldn't afford it.

I love them, but they are selfish and stupid when it comes to money. As long as they leave my sister (who is disabled and unable to work) some extra money when they pass so I don't have to pay a bunch for her, too, I'll be happy.

I grew up poor and I think a good measure of whether someone is poor or lower middle class is “Did your parents help you financially or did you help them?”

LOL, no.

Yes because nobody will hire someone with disabilities and finding a job is incredibly difficult without disabilities.

My parents are retired from jobs they had most of there life. I only ask out of necessity though.

Fuck capatilism

Not since I was kicked out at 15 for being gay.

Happy Pride month!

Since I got ill immensely. Probably until I have disability set up.

Kind of. I live with my mother so the house expenses are shared - sometimes I'm short on money and she covers it for me, sometimes it's the opposite.

Sometimes either of us cover my sister's financial arse too, even if she doesn't live with us.

Yes.

It's not that we're particularly fucked financially, we're doing enough to keep our heads well clear of the water, but we're not wealthy by any means and either parents have helped us by stumping up an initial outlay on something, and we've paid them back.

Not at all.

Somewhat the opposite. My mom started "borrowing" money from me when I was a teenager. I was too trusting, but eventually i learned to say "no".

Fuck, I haven't thought about any of this in a long time. My mom was awful.

Edit:

I forgot to explain why borrow was in quotes. Most of the time I never got paid back. I still believe she intended on paying me back, but was never able to get ahead financially enough to do it. In general if she borrowed less than $100 she'd get it back to me and pretty quickly. Over $100 it would take her too long to save it up and she'd forget about it.

Yes. A lot to be honest and I'm eternally grateful for it. Lots of nice memories of nights out with friends that I wouldn't have been able to afford otherwise.

HahahahahahahahahahhaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

No, see, I owe them, because they decided, 36 years ago, to have another kid. And now the burden of love falls on my shoulders, after being kicked out at 17 for 'talking back'? Nah brah, I'm good.

They can both go fuck themselves entirely.

I help my mom financially a bit. In return she helps me indirectly financially because i can live at home and eat, use water, electricity and so on. I kind of pay a small rent.

Not anymore, since I finished grad school and started a relatively lucrative career. They did help quite a bit during my undergrad and grad years though... which now drives my guilt about not really interacting with them despite them being unpleasant people overall.

Quite the opposite.

Though, TBF, my wife's maiden aunt sends us a fat pre-inheritance check every other year or so. We usually put it towards a trip to visit her or fixing up the house.

Probably much more than is comfortable to admit but importantly, it was always understood that its gravy and I need to manage my affairs assuming they weren't in the picture.

Had some slipups but I take it very seriously when I borrowed and would always sweeten the deal by helping out with whatever they needed a hand on and taking care to demonstrate there is an upward trajectory (it wasn't pissing money down the gutter) and lessons were learned.

I'm really glad for the approach because financial responsibillity was not modelled by the other half and even worse, they used their irresponsibillity with money in combination with abuse to deprive me of control against them and experience in managing that crucial aspect of one's existence.

My relationships with them is much stronger because its fostered better communication and prevented anything to catastrophic from happening.

They did. And probably would again if necessary.

No we don't talk because they're crazy.

When my grandmother died, she has willed most of her fairly sizeable estate to one of my aunts, and gave my mother and other aunt each just 25K. I don't think you could tell your kids that you loved them less than the other than that. I assume my parents will leave me a penny. Which I am fine with.

No, but my dad does often drive me to doctor appointments I'm not allowed to drive back from if hubs is still at work and can't take me

Money left to me when one died has made my life tremendously easier. It’s unfair, really, and I had a lot of complicated feelings about it but worked through them in therapy.

A very related question to ask is: did your parents, or extended family, ever help you financially?

Here's my answer.

Have I ever received help from my parents and/or extended family? Yes. I was able to live rent free after high school while I found my way. When I eventually started college I was able to live at home and commute. My family started a college fund for me when I was little, so I was able to cover about 15% of my in-state tuition. We also got a cash loan from my Grandma to put toward a down payment that we paid back over the course of a few years. Without it we wouldn't have been able to buy our house.

Am I getting help from my parents or extended family now? No, I haven't for years. Money and support have started flowing the other direction. I've given my mom a (used) car and also let her live with us for a year and a half while she switched careers.

No. In fact, I consigned on my mother's student loans when she wanted to go back to college (and she has since paid them off on her own).

Not really, but they used to

Not since college.

After that, I had to help them out a few times.

Our parents and my grandma helped us so much with everything - getting us groceries, babysitting, taking vacations together, and just helping us out of jams. We had our kids young and without the help from our families we would not be where we are. We help our kids. It's hard to know what the right amount is- it's hard to see them struggle, but surviving difficult times builds confidence and resilience and faith in your partner.

Yes, my mom and I own a home together, because she is divorced, and I am legally blind, which makes it a bitch to find work. I'm actually doing better than her though because I did not fall into the stupid debt trap with high interest credit cards or student loans and since I'm blind I can't drive a car so don't have insurance and a car payment to worry about. So while I am not rich by any means, I actually have more money every single month than she does. Easily. Except for tax time, that is. That time she does have more money than I do, but only for a short time until it gets eaten by the credit cards.

As in are they actively giving me money or helping me pay my bills? No

But in the past they’ve helped in setting me up financially so that it was easy for me not to need their help. They made sure I started adulthood with no debt so I could start saving right away. And for my wedding present they gave me cash that massively helped my husband and I pay for our apartment’s down payment. We probably would have needed another 4-6 months to save up for that otherwise.

Well, mine are dead but my mom kicked me out at 17.

My first set of kids, I gave a little money towards college (they got scholarships and aid that paid most of it, we were quite poor) so they didn't get student loans, and the younger ones I am letting live at home and feeding them and all as they are doing school locally but no cash, they have jobs.

As adults? No, not financially, but since they helped me with the younger ones I do have some indebtedness towards them. So sure, when they need something I try to help.

They all say they'd be happy to have a big ol family home with everyone in it, but if we ever do that I wouldn't think of it as helping them at this point. Would be everyone helping each other.

No. In my culture it's expected that we get help until about age 18 and then you're on your own. It's a sink or swim strategy. In my opinion this is short-sighted and we should be investing into the success of our adult sons and daughters and working together to ensure the best outcomes possible.

Not anymore, but they did help me out a lot during university, when I didn't have any stable income. Now I am doing very fine. If they ever need financial help, I'd be very willing to help.

No, not since high school / moving out of the house. I did live in the house for a few years after high school while commuting to a local college and working part-time (full-time during the summer), that certainly helped me get on my own feet even if it wasn't specifically financial.

My parents weren't particularly wealthy. At one point they had even declared bankruptcy so I didn't try too hard to get any school loans through them let alone anything else regarding money.

When I was still in school they paid me like 50 euros a week to help with grocery bills and they backed my mortage but other than that not really. I've been on my own for more than 15 years and I'm doing pretty good financially. I recently went from an employee to running my own bussines so currently my income is pretty much on par with my expenses but I've got quite substantial savings so I'm not particularly worried. I'm 33 years old.

Not anymore, since I got a real job.. They do sometimes give some money as a present to buy something nice, but it's no longer necessary. They did help me during my study though, paying the ~€2K uni fees every year and some other smaller stuff, so I could focus on rent, groceries, study material, etc. Combined with that, I had some side jobs to keep the study loan pretty small and manageable .

Based on anecdotal evidence, that was kind of the middle of the road. Some friends had very rich parents, who basically paid everything. Other people basically had to pay everything, which lead to huge loans. I think this level of support was pretty much optimal. It forced me to think about money instead of just buying everything I wanted, but also made it easy for me to focus on my study instead of surviving.