"I don't think so but if you want us to eat healthier and get more exercise I'm game"
this post was submitted on 28 Dec 2023
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Ask Lemmy
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Might as well ask Lemmy how to pass the Kobayashi Maru test, while you're at it.
Might be a tricky example. The answer to that according to a certain cadet is to cheat. Not sure gf would appreciate that.
I always liked Calhoun's solution. Obliterate the Maru. It's either a trap or it's not. If it is, you don't want to leave it there for someone else to fall for. If it's not, you don't want to leave it there to cause a diplomatic incident, and fiery plasma death is probably better than whatever the Klingons / Romulans would do to the crew.
Of course, I don't recommended launching a full spread of photon torpedoes at your gf.
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Tell her the truth (as I understand it you don't think she's fat), but also ask why she's asking in the first place. Offer some support if she wants to lose some weight.
I think open and honest discussion is the best approach here because now you're jus guessing what the real issue is.
I think it's due to comments from people. She was underweight before because she hardly ate anything. She's now much better than before but people keep mentioning how she changed. It's really dumb when people keep commenting about your appearance, but I gets to her sometimes. The same people were telling her she needs to gain weight before. ( we are in a developing country where these comments are sadly so normalized)
It sounds like she is definitely not fat, so you can be truthful and you aren't looking for a way to tactfully say she is at an unhealthy weight. What it sounds like is happening instead is a bunch of busybodies are just stirring up trouble and trying to undermine her self confidence. If it wasn't her weight, it would be her clothes or some other body part they would criticize. (for instance they'd claim she had a weird nose or ears, I had a "friend" comment on my how my knees looked weird and knobby one time. They were and are normal knees. My grandma tried to make me feel like there was something wrong with me because my breasts hadn't come in yet. I was 12. Both of these were people "looking out for me and trying to help" - they were not. They were trying to make themselves feel better at my expense.
You need to make sure she realizes these comments other people are making are not motivated in kindness, even if they are claiming they are. Try to find ways to help her see her worth and to help her ignore the bullying comments by these people.
Because of mainly my grandma, I learned to recognize when these comments were meant to be mean and to not let let them affect my self-esteem. Instead I realized they just made the person saying them look worse.
Occasionally, when they would get a comment in about something, like a big pimple, I would gray rock it and respond with, "yeah, that happens, oh well" and move on. Learning to not give them a reaction also makes it not fun for them after a while and they find other targets or shut up.
Learning to gray rock and not internalize the crap other people are flinging will help a lot. Having someone like you that she can trust to be actually kind and honest will help her reinforce to herself that the other people are just being unkind.
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What do you expect? Your mom was fat and as you grow older you're becoming her.
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"Is that what we're gonna do today, we gonna fight?"
"Have you tried eating less than a metric fuckton of junk at every meal, ya goddamn ham planet?!"
That'll work.
You have to rebuke her. For real. Go like this:
" Don't you dare! I love this lovely girl here. Don't you dare badmouth her or you'll have to deal with me! "
(and not a word about fat or weight or width or any outside descriptions, because this is only about self deprecation)
“Phew! I thought you were pregnant.”
"Even if you have gained weight you still look beautiful. If you feel you need to lose weight let me know if there is anything I can do to help."
Very thin ice
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After having some nice intimate time, during the quiet afterglow, ask her how her self esteem has been lately. Maybe she's feeling down and wants to talk about it.
Once her feelings are in the open it will be easier to feel out a solution.
My partner flat asked if I still find her as attractive as I used to. After some thought I said the following, "I don't think that's fair. You're asking me to rate someone I care about so much. I don't want to do that. I love you and just want to be there for you, with you."
Tbh, I don't know what the right answer might be for others. I'm not that wise. All I know for certain is how I feel and hoped that was enough. It was, though I am sad that I can't take her self-esteem and tear away those damn chains that hold it back from growing.
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“I want you to be happy with your body, if you need me to reassure you about how attractive you are I can, or if you want me to support you with changing your weight I can. I love you and your body”
At least that’s basically where I go as a woman with a healthy weight but body image issues for not being underweight and a wife who gained a lot of weight over the pandemic and a girlfriend who is in the “needs to lose weight for her health” range.
I don't know what you're talking about. Get naked and let's have a closer look.
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I am hung up about weight like this. Spent so long on the far side of skinny that smack in the middle of healthy makes me feel I look fat. I do say I am fat, I know objectively that is not true but I miss being too skinny. Just venting really.
I think just say that she is built great now, and you like it, but it's her body. She probably isn't worried that YOU think she's fat. She is bothered because SHE thinks she's fat.
Slam your fist on the counter and shout " I'm fatter, dammit!"
"Hi Fat, I'm nobloat!"
Tilt your head down to her stomach and coo "om nom nom" playfully
"No, you look fucking awesome."
"I love all of you"
Start going on walks with her as a date. Cut down on the carbs with her during meals.
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"Fuck I love your curves"
Or ask if they want a back rub. Gets you out of alot.
First, try to understand what's actually being said here. Sometimes I call myself fat because I'm above my target weight. But in my case my self-esteem is just fine: I'm a former gym rat who knows where I am, what I need to do to get back in shape, and that I'm still okay if I don't get there. Saying "I'm fat" is a light jab at myself and a reminder to take steps toward my goals, nothing to worry about.
If your GF is calling herself fat more hurtfully (which is sadly common) the issue is not how fat she is or isn't. That's just a symptom. The issue is whatever negative feeling is prompting her to tear herself down. Arguing with her about whether she's actually fat won't help with that, and might even do more harm than good. Maybe ask her how she's doing, remind her that you love her just the way she is.
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