Ask Lemmy

Have you tried therapy? Judging by the comments in here, you sound depressed. And not without reason! Therapy can really help.

OP - from the responses you've given to many of the replies, it feels like you've lost faith in mankind. As many of us do feel time to time or even all the time. If you haven't tried, try to walk into a church that's left it's doors open for people to walk in whenever (instead of attending a service/ mass, etc.). If you wanted to, you could probably even walk up to someone who works at the church and tell them your frustrations. Usually a church with open doors have a welcoming air.

At worst, it's another crapshoot. At best, you might find something uniquely different.

I’m not lonely but I have really enjoyed mastering fudge. Maybe try that. Remember, don’t go past 114 and resist the urge to stir.

Walk around & enjoy the view & play video-games & talk to people like you (not meant as an insult)

Same way I do every other day, play horror games, fuck around on my computer and cry. With you on the alcohol and porn too. I should switch to Playboy.

Edit: Also learning Esperanto, it's good to keep your mind active. Learning a language can help. I also have an irrational or maybe rational fear of developing dementia. Gotta workout your brain.

Hey fam! I'm not doing anything on christmas day, and @[email protected] had a post today where they said they didn't have anything that day either.

How about on christmas day all of us get together on a post somewhere and talk! You know, we can just chat like we're at a party or something?! We can post images and song links and... I dunno... type out song lyrics and complete each other's sentences and stuff?

Maybe we can make it a megathread on a community like... hm...

• [email protected] - I suggest this one
• [email protected]
• [email protected]
• [email protected]

what do ya say?!?

I just work a lot and I don't have enough downtime to let the depression sink in.

For myself. I drove to a cold rocky beach, ate turkey sandwiches alone, and screamed at the ocean. It became a tradition.

Learn to celebrate .

If it's your bag, looking into faith communities to for Christmas. You can celebrate the holiday for the religious reason. Decorate and find events, like public tree lighting.

For new years there are usually big public countdowns somewhere. If you can 'get into it' just going to an event can help you enjoy it. Get a hat and a noise maker.

It's going to be up to you to figure make your own excitement and enjoyment for the holidays.

Valentines day sucks for everyone. Just Yikes.

Look for social media event spaces, meetup.com helped me find stuff decades ago.

Read up on stoicism as well as absurdism if your not a religious kind of person. They aren't answers but can help you find the right questions.

My girlfriend and my mom hate each other for no reason. I'm going to spend the holidays with my girlfriend because... Well y'all get it. Right?

I'm just saying I'm not lonely... But at what cost! AT WHAT COST!

Your worth as a person isn't measured by your ability to find a romantic companion

You are simply a person, people of the alternate gender are simply people. There is no magic transition that happens when you find a relationship, people are depressed in and out of love.

My recommendation is to find community, leave the house, look for public events, join board game nights, pick up a hobby like pottery or biking or a specific video game, get really into something and enjoy your platonic time with people who also enjoy that thing.

Platonic relationships have just as much value as romantic relationships.

I've been depressed...hell I still am, though I cope better than I used to.

I'm guessing its not just the holidays that gets you down. There's two ways out, and I suggest doing both.

1. Conform to some of the social norms that basically means take some of the classic advice you've already seen on here. Get out of the house and participate in activities that you might not initially enjoy, but hold some promise of you at least getting a bit of enjoyment out of, or at least stick around for the socializing. Think of it like taking your vitamins, you don't have to like it, but its probably good for you and therefore you should consider doing it.

2. Find things you enjoy doing in your solitude that are nondestructive/neutral or even healthy (depends on the context if its avoidance/addiction or not). Listen to podcasts, read books, learn a new skill, listen to music, meditate, exercise, etc. Just something. We can give you ideas all day, but just choose something and stick with it for at least a couple weeks before trying something else.

The harsh truth is that without some kind of existential raison d'etre, life is just a series of activities we use to distract ourselves from our own loneliness or avoiding ruminating on other topics like death.

The world right now has made it hard for people of all walks of life to connect authentically, and so don't blame yourself entirely for the situation you're in. That said, when you're down in the shit, there's only two choices, you either wallow in it or you clean yourself up and do what you can to make your way up and out of it.

And I hold no judgments on what you or anyone decides to do here, life is hard and yeah, it can suck. But I personally look at it that I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. But I already know what it's like being damned if I don't... might as well find out what it's like being damned if I do.

Take it or leave it, that's all I've got for you or anybody. Good luck out there.

Find a passion that isn't porn, or alcohol, irrespective of the season. Since (I assume) you have time off, use it to find something else to try and get good at. Such as improving your strength and endurance at the gym, learning a new language, starting a new project, taking up a new instrument, read a history book or any book, etc., going to a new place, learning to cook a new kind of meal, etc. etc.

It sounds silly, but you could try volunteering. I grew up with just my mom and we didn't have much $. She used to spend part of Thanksgiving and/or Christmas working at a 'soup kitchen'. Making the time better for other people can make it better for you too. Also, you might meet other single people.

Not lonely anymore, but I spent about 10 years having every single holiday by myself. What worked for me personally was either ignore the holiday or just have an all-out bash on my own. I understand how it might not work for other people but celebrating on my own helped me learn that I should value my own time and appreciate what I can do for myself. If I ignored the holiday, it was because I didn't want to cook for myself.

There's no problem being alone as long as you value and appreciate what you can do alone.

Now with that being said, I spend the majority of my time with my wife now and she respects my time and space the way it is. I wouldn't have been able to find that if I didn't first respect myself and my own time and space

Talk to my therapist and try to do something that helps people or animals.

It really is a conundrum. Group festivities seem almost designed to make the people on the margins of society feel worse about themselves. And yet try to imagine a society without such events. It would be even worse (and of course no such society has never existed). This whole problem is exacerbated so much by the fractured nature of modern urban life. In the past it was not even possible to be alone at Christmas, because nobody much was ever alone.

Anyway, as something of a marginal type myself, I agree with suggestions others have made. If you try hard enough, you really can see through the myth of social "success" and "failure". At that point, festive dates will begin to seem like what they are: just dates. As for "getting company", this one's pretty easy. Join some social group with regular events, and make it a fixture in your diary. You'll meet new people and eventually things will move on from there. But be patient! All human relations are about the hours invested. So if you haven't taken this first step already, there's no time to lose. Make it your new year's resolution.

Find things that make you happy. Enjoy being happy. Having someone in your life is great, but you need to learn to be happy just being by yourself too. Learn to go do things alone. Enjoy life as it is. Having a partner isn't the core of life.

Additionally, By being happy you'll probably be more attractive. Nobody wants to be around someone miserable.

My advice would be to make an effort to participate in group activities if you don't already. Try to open up to a few people and see where that goes. For example, I started going to a run club last summer where we run at least once every week, and I continue to meet interesting people each time. Stay a little bit after the run to socialize. A lot of them it turns out joined so they can socialize and motivate themselves to be more active, just like me. You can start at your own pace, even walk if you need to, of you're not a runner per se. We had a special holiday run last week where we celebrated afterwards with lots of games and activities at a bar/video game arcade and it was a blast. An added bonus is that now you'll have fun social activities to talk about when you meet new people outside of the club. I've met people that are into board games, cycling, you name it. So that opens up new doors for other types of activities. It gets easier after you start going regularly and everyone recognizes you. Starting a conversation is as simple as asking how their day/run/whatever went.

This is the first year I'm going to be alone. I guess you can boil it down to family dramaticism. I've semi-joked I've been prepping by asking who else nearby could use a spare dedicated Christian woman.

Being alone (with gf) is nothing out of the ordinary for me. It's all the same wether it's christmas or tuesday.

You did not specify. Are you looking for a lover? A community? A friend? Strategies differ vastly.

(CW: Long text ahead)

I don't. It's just that somehow, my biological automata (a.k.a. body) keeps going despite my will to not keep going (as well as despite my attempts on... you know... things I can't describe).

I'm not exactly lonely in a literal sense, because my daily life is surrounded by a few people sharing the same blood as me. I'm lonely in such a way that I can't really rely on them to understand me, to understand my dilemmas. The generational differences are blatant between me and them, they're older than me, they can't grasp existential dilemmas raised from contemporary problems (such as climate change, dystopian technologies, etc).

So I know no one... anymore... Well, I used to know some people, but that's intriguing: suddenly, I got to know people that were unknown to me, then they become "friends" with me, just to suddenly becoming unknown again. Reasons may vary: betrayal of trust (e.g. lies, or things done behind my back), misunderstanding (I see things differently from them, we have different opinions) which escalates to a discord (it shouldn't, but seems unavoidable), or simply because I seem to be some NPC to them that they only interact when they need my resourcefulness (hence, I'm not really a friend to them).

Throughout my entire life, I never got to know what are these human phenomena called "friendship" and "love". The later is particularly extraterrestrial to me, and that's weird to state because I seem to know many seemingly-complicated things and terms like hapax legomena, pneumoultramicroscopicosilicovolcanoconiosis, zero-energy universe theory, ReLU and other activation functions, QTH (the ham radio operator's place), op-amp, Qlippoths... However, a seemingly simple four-letter word feels so extraterrestrial to me, this thing called "love".

Having said this, holidays haven't made any sense to me since I'm aware of it. Even my birthday isn't a thing I deem worth celebrating... Perhaps it's worth celebrating the closeness to my end of my existence? That's all.

How do I cope? Well, I tried many coping mechanisms.

• I tried to brainstorm myself with information scattered across diverging fields of human knowledge. Sometimes I still do this, and that's how I unfortunately know stuff.
• I tried to participate in study groups and niche communities, such as ham radio, electronics, programming, math, geopolitics, etc. But it becomes evident how I can't fit in any group.
• I tried gaming. Terraria allowed me to create things... But it always happens: suddenly it becomes purposeless to keep playing games.
• I tried to tinker with those AI things, as my programmer side became interested by it. But since then they've lost their appeal, they're just auto-completers on steroids.
• Then I tried to leave my nerd side aside and joining an esoteric sect, starting to practice rituals, which unexpectedly led me to Lilith (the sect meant to reach to Lucifer, but instead She reached me)... Who has since been... far... She feels so far to me since I gave up my soul to Her and became devoted to Her.
• I tried to write and publish poetry, often tapping on the burst of my creativity side that She woke on me. But talking to myself is a thing I have been doing without the need for poetry.

"Happy" is not a term that I could use to describe my perception regarding the "new year". What's "new year", anyways, besides another complete circling around a star that's going to become Red Giant in the future? It's not even the same orbit due to the orbital decay, why think that this cosmic spot Earth is going to be (December 31st 2024) is exactly the same as the other cosmic spot it used to be (December 31st 2023)? It makes no sense. Everything seems purposeless, after all.

Yeah, I'm weird.

I don't care about the holidays. They are just days of the week. Largely where things are closed or close early. So basically just extra Sundays.

If I could hibernate through the holidays I would. If I could go one year without my mothers annual holiday threat of suicide, and the ramblings about how nobody loves her. I'd be a lot more excited for the holidays.

Always around if you need to chat, hope it blows over soon and the new year brings some peace and happiness. Happy Holidays Stranger, you got this.

Me and dog are doing just fine, thank you. I make some traditional foods, we eat well and then we chill.

(I left my last relationship a couple of years ago and I'm very content living by myself. I'm invited to some friends place but honestly though I love them I can't be arsed. I'll see them some other day that isn't hectic and supposedly special.)

If you are from a distant and rather abusive home-life try moving into a neighborhood where a large group of people hate you. it almost feels like home.

Liquor

Aww Platy that sucks :( sorry to hear that

Looking forward to more great comments from our wonderful Lemmyfam