this post was submitted on 21 May 2024
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idk just a random scenario stuck in my head

  • You retain all intelligence.
  • You must have confirmation yourself that your message reached the president.
  • You can't pick human as your animal.
  • The president as referring to Joe Biden. Other country presidents are accepted though.
all 50 comments
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[–] [email protected] 49 points 6 months ago

Why would you want to turn back?

[–] RememberTheApollo_ 48 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Parrot, probably the African Grey. Because you can talk. Being a talking bird with a heck of a vocabulary asking to get a message to the president is probably going to get the White House social media office’s attention, and maybe then the president.

Kinda cheating, but that would probably work.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 6 months ago (1 children)

OP said you retain your own intelligence, so I don't see why a parrot would be any better than any animal with lips and vocal chords that could theoretically support humanlike speech.

[–] thedirtyknapkin 18 points 6 months ago (1 children)

oh but that's basically only humans. our mouths are one of our fairly unique features.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 6 months ago

Humans and birds. Crows can speak too apparently.

[–] [email protected] 34 points 6 months ago

I'd become a loving purring cat and would look for a household that would treat me like I treat my cats right now. They're the 1% of the animal kingdom, might as well get the animal life I won't ever get as a human. Not even trying once to do the president quest.

[–] toomanypancakes 30 points 6 months ago

Raccoon. Live new life as trash panda, never turn back.

[–] kromem 25 points 6 months ago (1 children)

I'd be the President's dog. And then I'd just need to get their attention at that point, so I'll keep biting his secret service agents until finally they start to wonder what's up. It shouldn't take more than 3 or 4 bites for people to realize I'm trying to send a message, right?

[–] SpruceBringsteen 9 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Or you find out where Fort Rainbow Bridge is after one.

[–] SkyezOpen 11 points 6 months ago (1 children)

The joke is the president's dog has already bitten dozens of agents.

[–] SpruceBringsteen 8 points 6 months ago

I guess my current events detox is working to some degree.

[–] breadsmasher 23 points 6 months ago

Id become a bird. Id fly around for the rest of my life.

Wait why was I a bird again?

[–] TheBananaKing 18 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Can the message be rude? Because if so, hornet.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 6 months ago

I was thinking pigeon, but I suppose yours works too…

[–] jordanlund 18 points 6 months ago (2 children)

Great ape.
Learn sign language.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

Couldn't you just draw in the sand with a stick? I think if there's an ape who's fluent in English handwriting that would make it to the news pretty fast.

[–] NegentropicBoy 7 points 6 months ago

Planet of the Humans

[–] NegentropicBoy 17 points 6 months ago

Dog. Go around being surprisingly helpful to people, become famous, visit President, write message very clumsily with a pencil in my mouth, sell rights to movie, profit.

[–] Shard 14 points 6 months ago

This is the Rick and Morty episode where rick becomes a turkey to get pardoned isnt it?

[–] [email protected] 9 points 6 months ago

I ain't sending jack shit! I'm staying as a dog forever!

[–] [email protected] 8 points 6 months ago (1 children)

I'm turning into a red panda, forgetting all about the president, and living my best life: eating fruit, lazing about, getting tons of cuddles for being cute and smart 🙂

[–] [email protected] 3 points 6 months ago

Plot twist: You don't live in a zoo or as a pet. You are in the wild forests of South West China that are being logged. You run for your life as your habitat is being destroyed.

[–] Rhynoplaz 8 points 6 months ago

I love how 80% of the comments are "Fuck the president, I want to be an animal!"

I don't disagree.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 6 months ago

My country's president is clearly heading towards dementia. I'd be a crow, they can just speak, so I'd simply fly to him and tell him. He'd probably believe me, no questions asked.

[–] tanisnikana 7 points 6 months ago

I’d turn into a big old land tortoise and then just be a turtle.

Benefits:

  • strong shell
  • feets for marching
  • cute tail bump
  • adorable smile
  • can flip friends over when they need help
  • turtle
[–] [email protected] 7 points 6 months ago

Waiting for Kolanaki and the rest of the furries to show up...

[–] [email protected] 6 points 6 months ago

Whatever primate would have enough hand coordination to write, and/or use sign language. "We found a monkey that can communicate in perfect English, and is asking to speak to the President" is bound to make big headlines.

[–] yyyesss 6 points 6 months ago (1 children)

I think if a bald eagle showed up at an oval office window and started tapping Morse code on the glass it would get attention if not headlines.

[–] mojofrododojo 6 points 6 months ago

I believe the one in the trump vid was trying to save our democracy.

[–] CaptainBlagbird 5 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)
  • Does the president have to understand the message, or just receive it?

  • Do I know how to use the animal's skills (e.g. flying) instinctively without learning?

  • Is my fight or flight response the same as for human me, or do I inherit that from the animal also? (E.g. as a cat am I terrified of dogs?)

[–] [email protected] 4 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Easy thing. Just pick an animal that you don't need to turn back from. I'd say a search-and-rescue dog is probably having a blast and a good life.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Don't they get traumatised

[–] [email protected] 2 points 6 months ago

I don't know. In the tv documentary they made it look like fun.

[–] Jumi 4 points 6 months ago

When I turn into a sloth I stay a sloth

[–] General_Effort 3 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Other country presidents are accepted though.

There's the trick. Chose a small country, where the president is less busy and not as well guarded. I'd turn into an iceland pony. Scratch a message into the ground and the president will be around shortly; nice photo op for the tourists. There's enough people there who speak english. Alternatively, Ireland would be a good pick if you want to be sure they speak english.

[–] JusticeForPorygon 1 points 6 months ago

I've heard the president of Ireland is pretty chill

[–] [email protected] 3 points 6 months ago

I’d think any kind of endangered animal, to ensure I’m not killed for sport or something, but also big enough to not be anythings food. Elephant maybe or bear? From there, it’s easy, since I’d be able to kinda write as both of those, start writing messages. If I’m in the wild, go to a camp area or trail humans use a lot, leave messages everywhere until someone records me writing them. At that point, I’m sure some kind of government scientist would want to know why and how I know English. Then tell them I want to talk to the president as I’m actually an alien.
Do I turn back that moment? If so this is gonna be awkward, but I also just turned from an animal to a human… so maybe it would add to my alien story.

[–] stanleytweedle 3 points 6 months ago

I'd be a Maned Wolf in and walk up to José Mujica, president of Uruguay and tell him my message. Can I talk or do I have to scratch it into the ground or something?

I'm endangered so seems like they might not shoot me on sight and José seems like the kind of president that might hear out an animal.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 6 months ago

Parrot? The obvious choice?

squaaawk

[–] [email protected] 2 points 6 months ago

fade into the wilderness and forget the message for the rest of my life

[–] [email protected] 2 points 6 months ago

Dragon. I think at that point any message I give him is going to be heard so I'm gonna take my sweet time and once I get a bit more bored I'm gonna fly over the WH roaring "hey Joe, it's genocide!".

[–] CaptPretentious 2 points 6 months ago

I guess falcon or an eagle or a hawk. Since I get to retain my intelligence it is my one and only opportunity to truly fly.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 6 months ago

Do I get to pick the starting point? Because if yes, I think Charlotte's web sets a decent example.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 6 months ago

velociraptor, go to park, write my message in the dirt and addess it to the president, wait for news coverage to start. pretty sure some president will hear about the literate velociraptor quick