this post was submitted on 14 Nov 2023
691 points (97.1% liked)

Programmer Humor

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Merge then review (programming.dev)
submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
 

Move fast and break things.
Merge vulnerabilities.
Double the work.
Merge code without tests.
Anything, but don't let code become stale.

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[–] [email protected] 197 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Having a hard time determining whether this is sarcasm or not. Then I see the phrase "JavaScript Engineer" and become doubly confused.

[–] [email protected] 68 points 1 year ago (5 children)

I don't think it's satire, this guy is actively defending this on Linkedin: https://i.imgur.com/SlJPG85.png

[–] [email protected] 26 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

I distinguish four types. There are clever, hardworking, stupid, and lazy officers. Usually two characteristics are combined. Some are clever and hardworking; their place is the General Staff. The next ones are stupid and lazy; they make up 90 percent of every army and are suited to routine duties. Anyone who is both clever and lazy is qualified for the highest leadership duties, because he possesses the mental clarity and strength of nerve necessary for difficult decisions. One must beware of anyone who is both stupid and hardworking; he must not be entrusted with any responsibility because he will always only cause damage.

-- Kurt von Hammerstein

LinkedIn is Facebook for that last type.

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[–] [email protected] 34 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I think the latter makes clear that this is a joke account, doesn’t it?

[–] Theharpyeagle 18 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Node: "Am I a joke to you?"

[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 year ago
[–] SpaceNoodle 22 points 1 year ago
[–] [email protected] 102 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Having to go through the process of merging hurts morale and slows performance. Give everyone on your team the right to force push to master.

[–] NocturnalMorning 34 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Yes, especially the newbies who don't know what they're doing.

[–] [email protected] 32 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Keep everyone awake and on their toes.

[–] EatYouWell 26 points 1 year ago (2 children)

You're not truly part of the team until you cause a massive outage.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 year ago (1 children)

New employees are responsible of at least 75℅ of documentation clarification and process overhaul.

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[–] [email protected] 85 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Stop transfering people from sales to engineering!

[–] HowManyNimons 20 points 1 year ago

But Elon's annoying!

[–] [email protected] 61 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I really wish LinkedIn would add an anonymous cringe emoji. I would use it on like 90% of the content on that site.

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[–] [email protected] 58 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I'm having a hard time figuring out whether this guy is a fucking moron or a fucking idiot.

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[–] VantaBrandon 44 points 1 year ago (3 children)

I just commit directly to master with auto-deploy like a real cowboy, yee-haw!

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[–] notannpc 44 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Amateur. You want real performance? Code in prod. Literally could not be better for collaboration to have the whole team working directly from production servers. Best part? You get INSTANT feedback.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 year ago

Another benefit is you never have to worry about merge conflicts

[–] [email protected] 38 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

What does "stale code" even mean in this context?

Does that mean it falls behind stable? Just merge stable into your branch; problem solved.

Or is this just some coded language for "people aren't adopting my ideas fast enough". Stop bitching and get good.

[–] [email protected] 33 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Do we have a Linked In Lunatics sub on Lemmy?

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[–] [email protected] 30 points 1 year ago (1 children)

My old boss (at a sturtup with some ten ppl) loved to do this. When you’re done with your work, merge to master. Boss-man would then revert the commits if he didn’t like the result. Since the branches all were merged, no-one knew what was actually in prod. Fun times.

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[–] Manifish_Destiny 29 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

'i help JavaScript engineers become framework architects by getting them forcibly reassigned.'

[–] [email protected] 28 points 1 year ago

If somebody actually did that it would be grounds for removing their privileges to merge into master. THIS, THIS is why the JavaScript ecosystem has gotten so bad, people with mentalities similar to his.

[–] VantaBrandon 27 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Better yet just edit files live on prod from Notepad (not plus plus) over Samba for "xtreme moral" boost

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[–] Sanctus 24 points 1 year ago

This is why I include those preservative libraries in my projects. My code doesn't go stale for a whole three weeks longer.

[–] debil 24 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I dunno but xtreme programming sounds like something straight outta Musk's wettest teenage day dreams.

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[–] [email protected] 22 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Developers: "Move fast and break things."

Things: break

Developers: surprised Pikachu face

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[–] okamiueru 22 points 1 year ago (1 children)

This is satire, right? Surely no one would put their name on that publicly?

Like someone working in a kitchen boasting about a life hack of not wasting time with hygiene.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Wash your hands after cooking, never let food products sit stale

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[–] RageAgainstTheRich 21 points 1 year ago (6 children)

What in the shit is "xtreme programming"?

[–] cypherix93 23 points 1 year ago (2 children)

it's NewGame+ for when you 100% programming

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[–] silencioso 20 points 1 year ago (8 children)

Before everyone loses their minds, in Extreme Programming there are safeguards other than PR reviews. Before you submit a PR, you are supposed to have written the tests and to have written your code with pair programming, so your code already has some safety measures in place. On top of that, when you merge and deploy, more tests are run, and only if all of them are green do your changes go into production.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Pair programming? Then the code is already reviewed.

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[–] [email protected] 19 points 11 months ago

Bet you $50 we later learn this guy was orchestrating a supply chain attack.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 year ago

I help JavaScript engineers become framework A...

ssholes.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 year ago (1 children)

At my company we're so agile that we directly deploy branches from developers' local machines to customers for A/B testing.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Call it “container orchestration” and charge an extra 20% to the customer

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[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 year ago

If you’re working in a context where it’s okay to make mistakes so long as they get fixed later, you’re not working on anything important.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 year ago

this made my heart rate go up a little bit in a way that doesn't feel good

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 year ago

It’s insane to me that gitflow won over TBD and Continuous Integration to the point that this is now considered an extreme position. Not all projects are open source with many remote collaborators.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago

Kinda acceptable if you have a slow release cadence. Everything needs to be reviewed and fixed/accepted (with defect/US raised) before production though.

Needs to be in a smaller team with decent Devs too though!

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago

LinkedIn "influencers" are insufferable, dear god

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