this post was submitted on 26 May 2024
766 points (86.9% liked)

Not The Onion

12530 readers
1002 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Comments must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 252 points 6 months ago (8 children)

I'll just drop this here:

Kyle Rittenhouse’s Former Handler Reveals That He’s a Middle School Dropout Who Is ‘Angry With the World’

This dude isn't just your run of the mill conservative idiot, he's exceptionally stupid.

[–] [email protected] 40 points 6 months ago (3 children)

So what I read is that TPUSA enables useful idiots.

Stop giving attention whores what they want, for fuck's sake. It's like getting mad at Facebook comments which I thought we'd all learned was useless a decade ago.

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] telllos 23 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

What do you expect? He was defending the oppressed businesses during a riot.

load more comments (6 replies)
[–] militaryintelligence 246 points 6 months ago (5 children)

That level of irony should be illegal

[–] [email protected] 71 points 6 months ago (1 children)

So should the accompanying level of stupidity.

[–] [email protected] 67 points 6 months ago

Conservatives, they don't send their best and brightest.

Oh god, maybe they do.

[–] BlitzKrieg2552 35 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

Hate to break it to you, but it’s actually illegal to kill people and he got away with doing it twice. I’m not happy about it, but he’s not going to be touched for this comment, I promise you.

He should be serving consecutive live sentences, but instead he was given a platform to speak on and became a poster child for conservative values.

The American “justice” system is a joke and a farce.

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] Hobbes_Dent 138 points 6 months ago (26 children)

But setting aside the fact that a descendant of colonizers has the caucasity to tell the descendants of the colonized that they should “leave” the land they rightfully pointed out was stolen from them…

Oh, that’s good.

load more comments (26 replies)
[–] Chainweasel 134 points 6 months ago (5 children)

His opinions aren't newsworthy.

load more comments (5 replies)
[–] Zak 129 points 6 months ago

The public should not care what Kyle Rittenhouse thinks and we should not amplify a stupid thing he said.

[–] anarchy79 105 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Let's not give this absolute nobody media space please...

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] danekrae 99 points 6 months ago (10 children)

Why report, what a crying murderer thinks?

[–] HonoraryMancunian 37 points 6 months ago

*Fake crying

load more comments (9 replies)
[–] [email protected] 99 points 6 months ago

I'm happy they always use the picture of him crying like the bitch baby he is

[–] TheBat 91 points 6 months ago (2 children)

Stop giving attention to this cunt

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 86 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) (2 children)

Why are we giving this odious little twerp the oxygen of publicity?

[–] stanleytweedle 36 points 6 months ago (2 children)

'We' as in the the public because humans are addicted to drama.

'We' as in the the media because drama brings clicks and clicks bring money.

[–] jeffw 32 points 6 months ago (1 children)

‘We’ as in this community because the headline is fucking hilarious

[–] Zahille7 24 points 6 months ago

And that thumbnail

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 86 points 6 months ago (3 children)

Dude is so dumb he got PERMANENTLY disqualified from joining the crayon eaters club. And this was during a time they were desperate for new recruits too lol

[–] [email protected] 34 points 6 months ago (3 children)

If this is real then holy fuck is he dumb.

[–] JustAnotherRando 41 points 6 months ago (13 children)

I'm pretty sure the minimum ASVAB score is like 30. I'm pretty sure you could get that by randomly guessing on most of it. I try not to be too harsh in my judgements of the less intelligent but holy fuck do you have to be dumb to be fully disqualified.

load more comments (13 replies)
load more comments (2 replies)
load more comments (2 replies)
[–] over_clox 82 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) (14 children)

Is he gonna pay for the passport, flight ticket, housing, etc?

I'm partly Native American, I'd like to know...

Edit: Where am I going anyways?... 🤔

[–] Fredselfish 53 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Shit sign me up, long as we can go to one of those third world countries. You know the ones with free healthcare and a liveable wage.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (13 replies)
[–] TIMMAY 78 points 6 months ago

This stupid fuck doesnt deserve any more attention

[–] Bobmighty 72 points 6 months ago (15 children)

Infamous stupid hick says hateful, willfully ignorant rage bait. Middle school was too much for this fucking mental invalid. He may never see prison for what he's done, but he's trapped in that idiot mind and will never know greater awareness, just like he deserves.

load more comments (15 replies)
[–] MattTheProgrammer 65 points 6 months ago (9 children)

STOP. GIVING. HIM. ATTENTION.

load more comments (9 replies)
[–] TimeNaan 52 points 6 months ago (1 children)

This pig faced little dweeb is the one who should leave.

[–] grue 31 points 6 months ago

That murdering piece of shit should be in prison or dead.

The "justice" system only encourages vigilantism by its failure.

[–] [email protected] 52 points 6 months ago

Now, now, this dumbass dropped out of middle school. You can't blame him for being an ignorant little bastard. I mean, you can, but he might cry if you do.

[–] [email protected] 46 points 6 months ago (2 children)

I hope they use that thumbnail of him pretending to cry in court for every shitty article they write about him.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 42 points 6 months ago

Teenage murderer.

[–] nutsack 42 points 6 months ago (2 children)

this guy is such a pussy it's unbelievable

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] feedmecontent 39 points 6 months ago

I looked through to see who revived this old story, ready to point my finger at OP or the article, but it turns out the person who revived this old story is Kyle Rittenhouse. A murderous opportunist.

[–] afraid_of_zombies 32 points 6 months ago (17 children)

Everyone who defended him during the trial or afterwards has signed a blood pact with the man and has to continue to defend everything he ever does or says forever.

load more comments (17 replies)
[–] [email protected] 31 points 6 months ago (9 children)

he has such a punchable face, my right hand starts itching every time i see a picture of him

[–] [email protected] 28 points 6 months ago

In twenty years, he's going to be the Governor of a backwater state like Alabama or something, he's sadly going to be remembered as this Right Wing Folk Hero forever.

[–] ME5SENGER_24 27 points 6 months ago (2 children)

I learned something yesterday on Lemmy that completely fits here…

# Backpfeifengesicht

Do you ever look at someone and feel like punching them in the face? Well, Germans have a unique word for that face: a Backpfeifengesicht — a face that’s badly in need of a fist.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 26 points 6 months ago (3 children)

If Kyle Rittenhouse doesn't like Native Americans he can leave.

No, wait, other countries don't want to deal with the US's bullshit.

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] Sam_Bass 26 points 6 months ago

He should follow his own advice and gtfo

[–] FlyingSquid 23 points 6 months ago (2 children)

As a squid, I think all those filthy, stupid homo sapiens should go back to Africa where they came from.

And then up into the trees where they came from.

But say that sort of thing today and you get cancelled!

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] Snapz 23 points 6 months ago

Middle school dropout clinging to a gun and living 24/7 in fully consuming fear that people find out he's just a frightened child (which of course, everyone already knows)

[–] [email protected] 23 points 6 months ago

I vote for life in prison

load more comments
view more: next ›