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We've been getting some weird posts lately that... Well, they're not making me think it's gotta be an Onion headline, that's for sure.

So just a little refresher. Posts should be:

  1. Links to news stories from…
  2. …credible sources, with…
  3. …their original headlines, that…
  4. …would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

If it's not Onion-y, it doesn't belong here. Bizarre, horrific, and violent news can be here if the headline reads like something out of The Onion, but if it doesn't, it's going away. And if there's too much non-Onion-like content from an account, that account is going away, too.

If you're not sure whether the real news headline you've found is like The Onion, here's a few sample Onion headlines from today:

  • "Visiting Friend Pleasantly Surprised By City’s Open Hostility Toward Homeless People"
  • "Increasingly Powerful Trans Person Capable Of Using Every Single Bathroom At Once"
  • "Man Feels Like Bystanders Are Arguing For Him To Put Gun Down In Bad Faith"
  • "Wally The Emotional Support Alligator Went To See The Phillies"
  • ‘New York Times’ Issues Apology For Reporting Palestinian Deaths

See? Find headlines from real news outlets that remind you of headlines like those. And just to prove my point: One of them is real.

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submitted 21 hours ago by [email protected] to c/nottheonion

...

A man wanted just two slices of cheese on his sandwich, so when his wife used three slices in his grilled cheese sandwich, he became irate.

Angered at the sight of all the extra cheesiness, James DePaola became agitated and violent, yelling at the woman, Michele DePaola. According to WSB-TV, DePaola then ripped the landline out of the wall so his wife couldn’t call the police and reportedly screamed at her intensely. The couple’s 12-year old daughter who witnessed the incident called the police to the scene, according to Athens-Clarke County police.

James DePaola was charged with obstruction of a 911 call and criminal trespass/damage to property over what the police now refer to as “the grilled cheese incident”. DePaola has a history of “abusive behavior,” and was often “excessively critical and controlling of day to day things in life” like sandwiches, apparently.

read more: https://www.mediamatters.org/jesse-watters/fox-news-guest-decrying-migrant-crime-previously-arrested-after-getting-violent-over

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Lawyers for the FTX founder say he wasn’t motivated by greed but by a desire to better the world through philanthropic giving

(sans paywall courtesy of the only reason I have a bluesky account)

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Bolsonaro appeared at the federal police in Sao Paulo on Tuesday to meet with officers, along with his lawyer and former adviser who was also present at the time of the alleged incident.

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submitted 3 days ago by [email protected] to c/nottheonion

The no-bid micro contracts awarded to vendors at the center of a bribery scandal are rife with wildly inflated costs, an analysis finds.


How much does it cost NYCHA to change a lightbulb?

In one case, more than $708 per bulb.

That’s the rate the housing authority paid one vendor, who submitted a total bill of $4,250 to replace six LED bulbs and covers at Throggs Neck Houses in The Bronx, according to records reviewed by THE CITY.

Another vendor billed NYCHA $4,985 to replace one door to a compactor room. Yet another charged $4,875 to put in slip resistant rubber treads on a stairway with 15 steps — a cost of $325 per step.

When law enforcement officials arrested 70 current and former NYCHA workers on bribery charges earlier this month, they identified small no-bid contracts for apartment repairs, awarded to select vendors in exchange for cash to superintendents, as the source of corruption.

What prosecutors didn’t say was that many of the bills submitted by the vendors who win these so-called micro-purchase contracts raise serious questions about whether NYCHA wound up paying them hundreds of thousands — or even millions — of taxpayer dollars in inflated costs over the years.

All of these bills had one thing in common, a review of contract data by THE CITY found.

The vendors sought compensation as close to the maximum allowed at the time on each contract, regardless of the work performed. Micro contracts have a built-in incentive for vendors to bill for just below the maximum allowed — $5,000 until late 2019, $10,000 since — no matter what the scope and value of the task at hand is.

read more; https://www.truthdig.com/articles/nyc-housing-authority-paid-out-708-for-replacing-a-single-lightbulb/

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submitted 4 days ago by Linkerbaan to c/nottheonion

State Department spokesman Matthew Miller burst into laughter after a reporter interrupted his claim that the U.S. government does not “dictate to any country what it must do” with the comment, “Unless you invade them.”

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Governor Kathy Hochul has been a staunch supporter and defender of Israel's ongoing siege and bombardment of Gaza and sanctioned settler violence in the occupied West Bank, even going so far as to travel to Israel a few weeks after the Hamas attacks of October 7, despite being told her father was on his deathbed.

For Hochul, her unwavering support of Israel is reflexive—Israel, in her mind, has a right to defend itself, no matter the consequences to civilian populations.

Last Thursday, Hochul spoke at a fundraiser of the UJA-Federation of New York, which, according to the Intercept, "has been accused of sending millions in tax-exempt dollars to organizations that support Israel’s illegal settlement program in the occupied West Bank." The UJA-Federation also originally paid for Hochul's October trip to Israel; after criticism, she then said her own office would cover the expense.

While at the fundraiser, Hochul reiterated her support of Israel and its actions in Gaza and the West Bank.

"If Canada someday ever attacked Buffalo, I'm sorry my friends, there would be no Canada the next day," Hochul said. "That's a natural reaction. You have a right to defend yourself and to make sure it never happens again."

read more:https://hellgatenyc.com/hochul-bomb-canada-psych

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Not The Onion

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Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

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