Fresh Durian
this post was submitted on 27 Dec 2024
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Fish, I want it to be fresh so I’ll just microwave it here at the office right before lunch.
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"I'm a picky eater, so I'm just bringing a sandwich for myself."
I'm bringing long pork. It's my great grandfather's recipe from his sailing days. Also Greg told me he can't make it because he's going off-grid for a while. He said you shouldn't worry about him, he's fine, but he quits because he hates all of you. He went into details but I won't repeat them. If you try to contact him he'll say hurtful things to you like he did to me, so don't even try. He's fine, he hates all of you, don't look for him, enjoy the long pork.
I know it's tacky to reply to my own comment but I was imagining how that conversation would go and wanted to add it here.
Coworker: wow that's unexpected. I'm kind of shocked to hear that
Me: Greg was too. When I spoke to him he looked very very shocked... At his recent decision. Shocked but also fine ... Looked very healthy... Happier than ever. He was actually so happy about is sudden decision to stop talking to all of his friends and family that he left immediately. I was like "hey Greg shouldn't you pack a bag, or atleast take your wallet, keys, and other important items with you before you leave to the wilderness forever " but he said "no. I choose to not prepare at all because I'm no longer interested in any of my worldly possessions. All I ask is that before leaving you should touch all my knifes and various other places around my apartment. Also throw out my plastic tarp i keep in the storage closet and ask all of my previous friends to never attempt to find or contact me" of course I agreed because how could I refuse a man's last request before he leaves permanently and immediately to live completely alone in the woods.
why hasn't Greg returned any of my calls Aeao
I hate to deliver bad news which is why I didn't speak to you directly... He was very clear that although he hated everyone he specifically mentioned hating you because he finds your calls annoying and he says your most unattractive quality is how concerned you are with the safety of others. It was pretty cold of him to say. I understand tho that you can't help the clearly negative part of your personality so what I can do is say that anytime you want an update on Greg just ask me, and only me ... so that other people don't see how annoying you are. I'm the only one who will understand and help you. So just ask only me and I'll tell you how Greg is doing alone in the woods. I hear he's started a sour dough culture. He's doing very very well.
Remember tho, only me. If you ask anyone else they will leave you, like Greg left you. So we have to keep this a secret or else everyone will hate you. I'm the only one who won't leave you... Because I care.
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True story, a co-worker once brought a half eaten bag of Doritos and an apple pie his mum had made for him. Then he spent the whole thing trying to stop us from eating the pie.
Clam chowder.
Maybe you like clam chowder, that's fine, but even then, it's going to stink up the whole office and you might go through a few little cups worth, but nobody's grabbing a big bowl of chowder at a pot luck.
Just thinking about the smell is making me gag. Yuck.
I'm no longer allowed to setup "Chili Mystery Mayhem" for work after the incident.
And if I do bring chili, it has to be one of my "ultra-mild" varieties.
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Brownies, but I'll make them "special brownies". Don't tell the others though. It'll be fun
everyone staring braindead at their monitors in 45 minutes
So like every other day?
An otherwise normal dish.
The trick is to also give this book at the secret santa, while making sure your dish is a perfect match, visually for one in the book.!
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A can of green beans. Just going to warm them up in the microwave. (Going to take them out of the can obviously)
Or don't! Watch the sparks fly
The Mayor's Lucky Purple Shorts!
Marnie would enjoy that.
Two gallons of saurkraut, no lid.
Reece's pieces, m&m's, and Skittles mixed in an unmarked bowl.
We call that Skittles Roulette
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Me: Condoms.
Coworker: You don't need condoms at a potluck?
Me: Wow! You guys are freaks! (Then walk away & refuse to elaborate)
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"You're not a friend, you're a coworker. Why would I ever do something with you outside of work?"
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Chlamydia
“I haven’t decided yet, I’ll have to go through the fridge and see what everyone else brought so I can steal something”
Whatever those weird friggin casserole dishes I saw at the church potluck with corn or green beans mush with cornflakes on top... Or that time the lady got everyone sick but 'making buffalo wings' by just tossing a bunch of wings and sauce in a big pot in the oven.
Take that back, Green Bean Casserole (when done properly) is amazing! And FYI it’s French fried onions on top, not corn flakes.
Although I will grant you the wings thing sounds bad.
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Jell-O Salad. Like the carrots, peas, corn and broccoli in jello, slathered in mayonnaise dish.
Aspic
Dude, I don't think you can say that.
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Salmonella. Every potluck has one person who insists on bringing it
Thoughts and prayers.
Surströmming?
if it is fantasy themed, insectikka masala
Heac8ly lsd laced potatoes. Everyone loves potato dishes at potlucks. Just be sure not to tell anyone you did it
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