this post was submitted on 12 Dec 2024
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And Finally...

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[–] AstridWipenaugh 142 points 1 month ago (5 children)

Is there a limit on total footage? Does a double ended dildo count as two? Is a Christmas tree of dicks ok since it's more than 6, but is Christian?

[–] Zombiepirate 45 points 1 month ago (11 children)

Need to go candelabra style with them all attached at the base.

[–] [email protected] 35 points 1 month ago (2 children)

They just need to add a way to mount it to a gun and then its not a dildo, its a gun accessory.

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[–] remer 18 points 1 month ago (4 children)

Does a straw have two holes or one hole?

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[–] [email protected] 118 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Yay! More small government and freedom!

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[–] slickgoat 97 points 1 month ago (2 children)

The great Republican war on orgasms have begun.

[–] Frozengyro 47 points 1 month ago

They've been stopping orgasms from happening for a long time.

[–] shonn 20 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Begun? Texas has always had a war on dildos.

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[–] Zachariah 90 points 1 month ago (7 children)

Hypocrites! They do this tomfoolery but make classrooms hang up the approved lord and savior:

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 month ago (7 children)

As long as there's no more than 6 per student

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[–] [email protected] 74 points 1 month ago (16 children)

I don't know how to make a quote line but this one stood out to me and made me laugh.

"Parents do not consent to their children being exposed to obscene devices while shopping for toothpaste."

What stores sell toothpaste next to adult toys?

[–] PineRune 70 points 1 month ago (1 children)

My local supermarket has sex toys on upper shelves in the family planning section, which is in the healthcare department. They don't look like dongs, so people shouldn't recognize what they are unless they know about them already. But kids might still ask their parents what that is on the shelf, and that is apparently worse than school shootings.

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[–] [email protected] 27 points 1 month ago (2 children)

My Walmart has them next to the pharmacy, 2 or 3 aisles away from the toothpaste

Meijer has them on the same aisle as the deodorant

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[–] Zachariah 19 points 1 month ago (5 children)
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[–] [email protected] 62 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (4 children)

Government so small it can fit in your bedroom!

How were they enforcing this?

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[–] [email protected] 57 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Yes. Texas bans the possession of or promoting use of more than six dildos.

It does make exceptions for people who have the multiples of the device for medical and law enforcement purposes.

Lmao. Police officers can legally use an array of didos for 'law enforcement'.

You'll be arrested if you cheer them on for it tho...

BUT if you can prove it's medically necessary; you're welcome to have a cornucopia of rubber cocks.

[–] [email protected] 26 points 1 month ago (2 children)

I think the DOJ needs to investigate how exactly the police in Texas have been using dildos in the performance of their duties...

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[–] [email protected] 55 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Is there a shortage of dildos in Texas that they need such laws to stop hoarding?

[–] RangerJosie 41 points 1 month ago (1 children)

There is decidedly not a shortage of dildos in Texas.

Have you seen their politicians?

[–] mossy_ 21 points 1 month ago

those are just plain ol' dicks

[–] [email protected] 52 points 1 month ago

*trying to buy salad ingredients for the family cookout*

The cashier: sorry state prevents us from selling more than 5 cucumbers at a time.

[–] [email protected] 51 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Why are so many people using them in Walmart?

[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 month ago (3 children)

People like to sample the produce as they shop, granted it's usually a bag of crisps or a handful of grapes but it's the same... ballpark.

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[–] [email protected] 51 points 1 month ago (7 children)

How...how are they enforcing this?

[–] [email protected] 84 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

Its something to charge you with when the cops go on a fishing expedition at your house for weed or whatever else.

Its just a punishment law that cops get to use at their discretion totally fairly.

[–] [email protected] 34 points 1 month ago

At least they can fuck themselves while they're at it I guess

[–] [email protected] 27 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (4 children)

Guten Tag! Ve are from se Small Government Staffel, here to inspect your bedroom. Vere are your papers for sese?

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[–] jaybone 43 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I’m guessing they are not limiting the number of guns you can own though.

[–] Kbobabob 32 points 1 month ago (10 children)

Ever bring a dildo to a gun fight?

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[–] rustyfish 38 points 1 month ago (1 children)

This has very strong “If I can’t make my wife come, nobody will ~~cum~~ come!” vibes.

[–] [email protected] 25 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I think it’s got religious overtones. One per day except the sabbath, when you have to leave your holes free for God to enter. Like Mary did.

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[–] [email protected] 34 points 1 month ago

The One Star State is at it again. "Freedom" there is not really a thing since the government obviously owns the citizens.

[–] psycho_driver 31 points 1 month ago

There are definitely some Texas billionaires that own more than six politicians.

[–] werefreeatlast 31 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Will United Healthcare cover dildos if they are for medicinal purposes?

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[–] over_clox 30 points 1 month ago

Sounds like the government wants to hoard most of the dildos to go fuck themselves. 🍆

[–] VinnyDaCat 28 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Snorted and almost choked on my coffee when I scrolled past this.

The worst part about this is that I'd rather Republicans waste time with pointless legislation such as this rather than something damaging that they could actually enforce.

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[–] [email protected] 27 points 1 month ago (4 children)

Rofl, they were afraid for their right to bear arms instead of their right to bear dildos.

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[–] x0x7 26 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (2 children)

Neo-puritanism needs to die. I'm getting excited because I think humanity is just generally getting fed up with control. We're done with this shit.

At least none of these people should be violent. They can have their views. But law is always violent. So it has no business being an extension of anyone's sexual views. If you violently impose your sexual perspective on others you are as good as a rapist in my book.

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[–] [email protected] 25 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

First, they came for the dildos, and I did nothing.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 month ago

They came for the dildos….. and BOY did they came!!!

[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 month ago (1 children)

The solution is clearly to set up sex toy libraries.

...They would never interfere with libraries, right?

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[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 month ago (1 children)

So... are there like, auditors? Does the government pay someone to go around and inventory peoples' sex toys? Do you have to register your devices? Are they serialized? Do you have to report them on your state tax return?

Who are these ~~people~~ whackjobs that spend so much time thinking about what other people are doing in their bedrooms?

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[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 month ago

Look, I have SIX perfectly fine dildos, all in their individual velvet pouches. My grandma even gives me a knowing wink when she sees them on my nightstand (she's very with-it, my grandma). But the minute I walk into Walmart and snag NUMBER SEVEN - BAM! 💥 The world implodes. Little Timmy starts twerking in the cereal aisle, the self-checkout beeps incessantly with unholy vibrations, and a rogue bag of gummy worms spontaneously transforms into a life-size silicone replica of the Lone Star State... it's CHAOS, I tell ya! This clearly-reasonable six-dildo limit is PROTECTING our precious Texas innocence. Seven just unleashes the primal urges, and nobody wants that, especially not while picking out a new can of Copenhagen. 🤠

#SixIsTheMagicNumber #TexasStrong #ProtectTheInnocence (and the Gummy Worms)

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 month ago (5 children)

I would never have thought to go to walmart to buy a sex toy if I hadn't seen them somewhat prominently displayed on my way towards the vitamin aisle.

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