this post was submitted on 29 Oct 2024
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I (21M) live in an Ohio household of hardcore Trumpers who, unfortunately, found out that I voted for Kamala Harris.

My father and brother are fascists. They believe in killing anyone who disagrees with Trumpism. My mother is not violent, but drank basically all the QAnon Kool-Aid and is batshit insane.

I am disabled. My cognitive ability suffers severely if I sit up or stand up for more than a few minutes. I also have another condition that requires me to avoid bending my neck, so I have to keep it straight. I also can't safely lift anything that's heavier than a few pounds, so anything more than that is very risky. I can push and pull fine.

I am also financially-dependent on my mother at the moment.

We moved to a new house recently, and the walls are very thin. That allowed me to overhear a private conversation between my father and brother.

My brother said that he hates Harris supporters so much that he wants a day of retribution where he goes on a violent rampage to kill everyone he knows who supports her, especially gay and transgender people. When my dad asked if that included me, he did not hesitate to say "Sure."

My brother is in peak physical condition. He owns guns and has military training. I had long suspected that he is the biggest potential threat to my life, but gaslighted myself into thinking I was overreacting. Today, he confirmed it.

My brother isn't the type to throw out threats of violence willy-nilly. He has also physically abused me in the past when we were younger and has major anger issues. I believe that I have to take this threat seriously, and that means that I need to evacuate ASAP. I think the most likely day for him to act is on election night or shortly after, which would give me just over a week. But then again, I can't be sure. Maybe he is planning a surprise.

My mother is too unreasonable to take any of this seriously.

I have a few thousand dollars and Democratic relatives from the South who might potentially take me in, though I don't know for sure if they will, since we're not close emotionally. I also don't know if my brother will go out of his way to target them once he notices my absence. He is going to an out-of-state Trump rally this week, so I know that he doesn't have much trouble crossing state lines.

I don't know where my birth certificate and social security card are, other than that my mother has them somewhere. My father is home the entire time and stays in one spot where he can see everything. Even if I knew where they were, there is no way for me to retrieve them without him noticing.

Fuck fascism. I was born to a family of vile abusive sociopaths. It was hell the whole time. I won't miss any of them. Fuck them. They are a disappointment to the rest of my family line. I spent my entire life learning how to become a decent human being in spite of it all and now the fuckers want me dead. FUCK. THEM.

The thing that separates me from the rest of my family is empathy. I refused to hate the people they wanted me to hate. Instead, I listened to their stories and befriended them. I care about everyone, not just straight white Christians. I voted for Harris because I wanted the best for everyone, which means preventing the installation of an authoritarian regime. And for that, I must pay the ultimate price.

I may never get to experience love or deep friendship, but no matter how this all ends, I vow to spend the rest of my days pouring out as much love and joy as I can out to every last ally I meet.

Any advice would be helpful. I don't want to wait, but I also can't do this without some kind of plan. I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing, so any input is appreciated.

Thank you.

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[–] [email protected] 426 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (5 children)

If you're as disabled as you say and either you have documentation (such as state benefits) or it's just obvious I would try APS (adult protective services) over the cops. Things will move faster and more effectively if you do some of the legwork (hypothetically speaking) for them ahead of time.

  1. Get in touch with the family that might take you in. Try to find three options who confirm they will take you. Write down or keep in a Google doc or whatever their: full names, phone numbers, email addresses, and physical addresses. The number one thing I see holding up cases like yours is housing, and if you have all those details worked out ahead of time a caseworker can do a lot more for you a lot faster. A lot of the time our psych social workers can get someone a uber / lyft or bus ticket easily enough, the problem is figuring out where they're going. If you have the contact info of someone they can call right there and then who has already agreed to take you, you are a slam dunk open and shut case. Get three so you have backups.

  2. Arrange for a ride locally such as a friend or acquaintance or literally anyone else who has a car and is willing to help you for 24-48 hours. This should not be hard to talk someone into. Many people want to help a person like you but don't have the resources to house someone for weeks or months. For this acquantaince you are an easy way to help and feel good about themselves. Use that. Tell them to wait for you to contact them. Again, try to get three options set up so you have two failsafes.

  3. AFTER you've done that, call your local APS (adult protective services) or file a report online. Do whatever you can to keep your family from knowing you called because it might take a few hours up to maybe even a day or two for them to get to you and you don't want your family tipped off in the meantime. Tell them you're being held by your family and kept from accessing your legal identifying documents like your birth certificate. If you get state benefits your documentation or papers regularly mailed to you may also have a compliance / abuse reporting hotline number somewhere on it. You could also try a crisis hotline through an organization that does community outreach. Tell them they have abused you in the past and you are in fear for your life. Tell them you HAVE A PLACE TO GO you just need help getting your documents. Again, you are easy to help in this situation, they don't need to worry about setting you up with benefits or housing or anything, just transport maybe. This is what the numbers and addresses are for, they may want to confirm you have somewhere to go and even have options. Just play up the danger and that they're keeping you from your documents. If you get an asshole worker wait six hours and try again (change of shift) or try calling a different agency or the next town over. You may also be able to find other places to call or worst case scenario call 911.

  4. The SECOND they show up and if they're able to get you those documents, get the hell out to that person who's helping you locally and block your family and do not tell or hint or give them any other indication of where you're going. Don't even tell the person giving you a ride if you think it will get back to them. If necessary tell them an entirely different final destination and just get them to get you to the airport / bus terminal and get out.

  5. while you're waiting, get all your medications, medical equipment / supplies, any valuables or sentimental items, and 3-5 changes of clothes all in the same area of the house. Make sure to pack sentimental clothing but especially pack accessible clothing that's easy for you to dress yourself with. Get them into a bag if you think you can do so discreetly, but a box or even just a pile in an out of the way corner is fine. If you have any special skin safe shampoo or other non-medicine but important toiletries stash them too or just make sure they're all in the same place in the bathroom. Get everything into 1-3 discreet / hidden piles so you just need to throw them in a trash bag and go. If there's any valuables you think your family will try to dispute ownership of, try to get any receipts or photos of you wearing or using them or texts from someone who bought them for you or whatever else you can find and put them in a Google drive folder or email to yourself. Worst case scenario though, be willing to leave some things behind if you have to.

Good luck and godspeed. :)

[–] [email protected] 129 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

This is the best advice, in the best order, which I have seen laid out so far.

To which I will add:

Assuming you do have at least a valid Drivers License... it should be possible for you to attain your own copy of your Social Security card (which is not actually a card, its just paper) and Birth Certificate.

For the former, you can make an account on ssa.gov , and it is not too hard to get a Social Security card mailed to wherever you end up. Just say your old card was stolen.

As far as your Birth Certificate... theoretically it should be possible to attain a copy through some kind of State records office/website, though I'm not familiar with Ohio specifically.

Finally, when you are settled in a new safe place, if you have not already tried, apply for SSI and/or SSDI from Social Security.

Its a mountain of paperwork, takes up to a year or more, but if you can get any form of guaranteed income, that's better than 0.

[–] [email protected] 47 points 3 weeks ago

As far as your Birth Certificate... theoretically it should be possible to attain a copy through some kind of State records office/website, though I'm not familiar with Ohio specifically.

Vital Statistics

Here's the info from Ohio:

https://odh.ohio.gov/know-our-programs/vital-statistics/how-to-order-certificates

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[–] jordanlund 156 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

First, you need to know, you did NOTHING wrong. Your family is the problem, NOT YOU.

Second, when you say you are "financially-dependent on my mother at the moment." it's quite likely the other way around. If you're as disabled as you say, you should be getting disability benefits, paid to YOU, not them. Likely they were collecting before you turned 18, but at 21 those benefits are YOURS, not theirs.

Third, don't sweat the birth certificate or SSN. Those are just paper and there's a process to replace them, a process you can't start if they harm you.

GTFO. Now. While you can. Take your benefits with you, cut them off and let them hang.

[–] [email protected] 61 points 3 weeks ago

Absolutely agree with you, but one thing to note is the existence of what's called representative payees. OP would have likely had to sign a form for it at 21, unless they were verifiably incapacitated at the time, but a rep payee is, for an intents and purposes, the beneficiary as far as the social security department is concerned.

Which is NOT to say don't leave. It just means that OP needs to contact social security the instant they are clear of danger or being overheard.

The moment you're safe, contact the SSD and ask them to verify your status as the primary on your account. If your mother (or someone else) is not the rep payee, then you're clear. If they are, you need to ask for the paperwork to transfer your benefits back to yourself, which may involve having to go through a judge. That said, keep a record of any communications between yourself and whoever the rep payee is. Ohio is a one party consent state, meaning you are legally allowed to record your phone calls as long as one party is aware and consents, namely yourself. Text based communication is easier, though.

If you are able to contact anyone (guessing you can since you're posting this) I would suggest contacting progressive organizations in your area. Women's shelters, even if you're male, may be able to help you, or direct you to someone who can help. Gay organizations often have some resources in place for teens who have disowned. The DSA, the episcopal church, the metropolitan community Church, the United Church of Christ, any Sikh, Buddhist, and often Hindu community centers are also notorious for being home to progressive members. Sadly, they likely don't have anything in place for such a rescue mission already, but they may well be a member willing to assist.

Best option is if there's an anarchist mutual aid org near you, but that's unlikely.

I wish you all the luck and success in there.

This also ended up longer than I anticipated going in, so posting it as a full comment in and of itself, too.

[–] [email protected] 100 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

My brother said that he hates Harris supporters so much that he wants a day of retribution where he goes on a violent rampage to kill everyone he knows who supports her, especially gay and transgender people. When my dad asked if that included me, he did not hesitate to say "Sure."

Isn't that already a case for the police or FBI or something?

[–] TrueStoryBob 33 points 3 weeks ago

My first thought also. I get people not wanting to get the police involved (i.e. some officers may share the sibling and father's sentiment), but this is definitely a situation where authorities should be contacted. This really feels like we're going to hear in like two months a local TV reporter say the words: "from a FOI request, we've learned that the two suspects were on police radar for months."

[–] deltapi 25 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (3 children)

Isn't that already a case for the police or FBI or something?

Yes

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[–] [email protected] 97 points 3 weeks ago (10 children)

If you're in acute danger, call the cops. A credible threat has been made. Even if they can't remove you or your brother, everything being on file might serve at the very least as a deterrent to execute his plan.

[–] sprigatito_bread 85 points 3 weeks ago (5 children)

Thanks for the quick reply. I have a few concerns here:

  1. I have no recorded evidence of the threats, so I'm not sure if the cops will take this seriously. I heard that shit loud and clear, but I didn't get an audio recording.
  2. I have no idea how corrupt the cops in the local area are; this is a red county, although it's on the outskirts of a big city. I don't know if the cops could severely fuck me over in ways I don't know about.
  3. I am likely to end up escalating tensions. My brother would probably see it as an attack on him (Harris supporter trying to get his guns confiscated) and make it a priority to get rid of me quicker. He isn't very smart (hence why he joined the cult) so he might think that Trump will pardon all violence he commits.

I'd love to be wrong, but my current impression of cops is that they are unreliable and involving them could really backfire. But if anyone has a thoughtful rebuttal, I'd appreciate it. I'm not going to pretend to be an expert here.

[–] [email protected] 83 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (2 children)

Please read Apytele's comment, you are absolutely correct that calling the police will be interpreted as a threat and make your situation even worse.

You have to get out, first.

The police have literally 0 legal obligation to protect any citizen from a crime or potential crime, what they do is investigate after the fact, or sometimes during a reported ongoing incident. (Barring traffic stops, basically)

And that's assuming they're not fellow MAGA cultists.

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[–] D1G17AL 24 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Someone else said it, contact Adult Protective Services. APS is meant for people like you.

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[–] FollyDolly 89 points 3 weeks ago (5 children)

Here is my advice. When someone tells you who they are believe them. Get out. DO NOT contact police or any kind of law enforcement until you are gone and safe. People like this will escalate if they feel threatened.

You can get new documents, clothes and items. Even if you only escape with the clothes on your back, wallet and phone. Make sure your family cannot track your phone. Make sure any communication you have with your helpers is locked down. Use an app your family doesn't use or understand, like Snapchat or Discord. Have your helpers or uber pick you up a few houses down in the middle of the night if you have to.

You would be surpised who still cares for you. Reach out to family, to old friends, to anyone you think could help, either by giving you a ride or taking you in for awhile. I haven't talked to my best friend from collage for over a decade, but if she called me needing help I would drop everything and head her way.

Also, I live east coast and hell, maybe I could give you a ride to somewhere depending on where you are going.

Lastly, please take this seriously. You are not overreacting. Your life may very well be in danger, and just like with any other abusive relationship, leaving is the most dangerous part. Nothing you own outside of your ID and medications are worth dying for.

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[–] VantaBrandon 79 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

If you're serious go to the police immediately and remove yourself from physical danger, deal with the rest of it later

[–] [email protected] 73 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

Having been involved in a conversation about this sort of family dynamic with police, I wouldn't recommend it. Unless OP is in a gigantic city, he is not going to receive any help from the police that actually protects him. What will happen is the police will listen to his story, then go talk to the other parties involved to get their story.

If an officer believes him right off the bat, they can/may hold off on talking to the rest of the family and tipping them off that OP is making these claims, but even in that case OP still may be stuck in the house. They might be able to connect him to a shelter. Might. The problem is that he is male. Male domestic violence shelters are almost certainly going to be a shit-show at best, and 95% chance there isn't a shelter for males of domestic violence within any distance that the cops would help him get to.

The best bet for OP that involves cops is to follow Chonk's advice: https://links.hackliberty.org/post/3089471/5115602

Use the cops for what they are actually good at: protecting you in the exact moment they are there. Anything else is going to be a time-consuming investigation, unless the brother/father literally admit to planning to kill OP.

[–] Ultraviolet 26 points 3 weeks ago

Pigs are also more likely to side with the fascists.

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[–] rottingleaf 27 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

Murder threats are always serious. EDIT: When the victim thinks they are not - the most. It's a protection mechanism or something, if a person receives murder threats and waves those off, it means the situation is really serious. When a threat alarms them, it may or may not be serious. But if it doesn't, then run. Cause it means that the threat has been preceded by something less direct to desensitize them to threats from that person or group.

[–] [email protected] 75 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

The absolute state of these lunatics, november is gonna be messy for us with either candidate ugh. Call the cops, leave, start over, etc im so sorry.

[–] Sweetpeaches69 37 points 3 weeks ago (7 children)

It's terrifying. If you're in a position to, and don't already have one, I'm encouraging everyone on the left to get a decent gun. Cheapest option is an assault 12 gauge. These people are full on, insane fascists. Their "day of retribution" will be a lot harder to impossible if we're armed.

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[–] Godric 74 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

This reads as a shitpost, but I'll advise on the chance it isn't and you're in a crazy deadly situation.

Make a show of applying for remote Jobs ASAP, do it tomorrow. Dress up nice for the "E-meetings", and then hop in discord or something with a friend and have an "Interview" that goes well.

Then, explain to your family that you need to submit documents to HR to complete onboarding. Get ALL your personal documents in hand, and then ride off into the sunset away from them.

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[–] [email protected] 65 points 3 weeks ago

You don't have family there. You have relatives.

[–] RBWells 58 points 3 weeks ago

Assuming this is real, and that you have a cell phone, I think your best resource is your not crazy relatives. Ask to visit. I find it more likely your brother is just boasting and full of shit, but if you are physically delicate, it could still end badly.

So call them and tell them what you told us, that you are worried. If they invite you, that will be an excuse to get your stuff from your mom. You need allies.

[–] Chonk 57 points 3 weeks ago
  1. Find the best person in your contacts whom you can trust and explain everything to him/her. Discuss about where you'll stay, how many others friends are there, how many people live in house (more is better). And it would be great if someone who stays with you has firearms.
  2. Call him/her to pick you from your house and tell him/her to bring cops too.
  3. Once they reach. Pack all important stuff like certificates, clothes, gadgets, etc.

I just hope that you were just high while writing this but if not then you gotta fight for your life and freedom.

[–] LouNeko 57 points 3 weeks ago (12 children)

I really curious how they found out that you voted for Harris. Was the party dumb enough to send you a thank you letter with blue stickers or something?

[–] [email protected] 34 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (6 children)

That's my question too, do they not have a secret ballot in the US? If they do (and I'm pretty sure they do) my advice to OP is to deny who they voted for until they can get to safety, "was just joking about voting Harris" is a perfectly reasonable lie if your safety is threatened, the family would have no proof or way of finding out.

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[–] simplymath 56 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

I've always found the best people at foodnotbombs, which has local chapters in most cities. Start there.

link

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[–] BigBenis 54 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Sadly, the local police/FBI likely aren't going to do shit for you and will only increase the risk of you getting found out by the people you're living with. I'd wait until you're out to contact them.

Your non-crazy relatives seem like your best bet, provided they're willing to put themselves between you and your potentially violent acquaintances should it come to that. Be honest with them.

Otherwise, people have suggested abuse hotlines and organizations, that's probably a good place to start. If I were in your situation and I had nowhere else to turn, I'd probably reach out to the church I went to when I grew up. I'm no longer Christian but the church I went to was exceptionally open minded and left leaning and I would trust the leaders to understand and help me how they could. Maybe you know of or could ask around about a place like that in your region? I would avoid anything within your town if possible since word is likely to get back to the people you're currently living with.

Really sorry you're in this situation. I'm all the way on the west coast but I have a network of resources in central IL if you end up there. Reach out if you can think of more ways I can help.

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[–] [email protected] 52 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (3 children)

I don't know how things go in the USA but in my country if anyone was to threaten to kill me, like a real threat not some shit talk, I would call the police and they would deal with that. Even more so if I told them I have a disability of some sort and can't defend myself.

Also, you need to contact a social assistance office, or whatever you may have like that in your town/region/state, because you need to get away from them and be able to sustain yourself. A change that will most certainly take a lot of your energy and focus — one more reason to let the police deal with the death threat.

[–] [email protected] 64 points 3 weeks ago (8 children)

Unfortunately, calling police in America may put you in danger. It's one of the many, many reasons I've left. I don't think people quite understand what it does until they've lived in other, safer places.

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[–] irotsoma 35 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Most police forces in the US were infiltrated by fascist white supremacists long ago. It's why even in very progressive places like Seattle, the police forces are under federal supervision for racism and so many POC are murdered all the time. It's rarely worth calling them. Mostly I only report crime for insurance purposes.

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[–] Drivebyhaiku 51 points 3 weeks ago

You need to call your relatives. If one of my second cousins whom I never met gives me a call saying that they are in your position and don't know where to turn I am driving out 4 hours to pick them up at the drop of a hat.

It is going to be be hard but there are means to get free. Explore your options once you are safe but right now job one is get safe.

[–] [email protected] 43 points 3 weeks ago

I wouldn't call the police as the others have said. That might instigate more anger and violence from your brother.

I would seek an abuse shelter first. They could provide you with the things you need and take care of you. Here's one example.

https://www.odvn.org/ohman/

[–] Beardsley 38 points 3 weeks ago

Man, I am so sorry this is your situation. I won't pretend to really know what advice to give you, other than you should contact adult protective services and see if they can do anything since you are a vulnerable person (aka disabled).

Again, I don't know shit from fuck, but that's where I would start. Idk if the cops would take the threat seriously or not, but you might be able to file a restraining order.

[–] [email protected] 33 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

Nothing to contribute to the conversation here, but fuck, I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Please do let us know if you get out of this alive.

[–] auzy 33 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

You need to come here to Australia mate.

Honestly, I feel like there are going to be a lot of refugees from the US if Trump wins

[–] [email protected] 34 points 3 weeks ago (10 children)

Have you seen Australias immigration policy? If hes got a disability, hes probably already denied. And how many of Americas allies do you think are going to start accepting refugees from the US? They wouldn't risk the optics of it.

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[–] Fedizen 31 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

If you have an extended family member who is sympathetic, that is the best. Otherwise, look for somebody who is sympathetic and older with a spare room or something, if there's some task you can help them with, even better. Older people are likely to be more stable and better understand their own limitations.

If you have an ID you should be able to get a copy of birth cert and social security by applying for them, if your family messes with them they can get fraud charges. You'll need to file a change of address for disability etc. Try to work things out as possible.

The other thing you should do is see if some anarchist is willing to put an airtag or similar on your brother's truck to monitor him. This will mean if your brother does end up doing his murder spree he can easily be tied to the murder at the least.

[–] chiliedogg 31 points 3 weeks ago (6 children)

First thing is to ensure your safety.

Once you have that taken care of - what do you know about your brother's out-of-state trip? He sounds like the kind of person who will ignore the local gun laws of wherever he is going if they're stricter than where you live. If he's going to a fascist meet-up, a tip that he may be illegally armed may give law enforcement a reason to start searching the Nazis for weapons.

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[–] [email protected] 31 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Contact the police and FBI once you are safe. You may very well save lives.

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[–] [email protected] 29 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

Honestly I would report the threat to the FBI. He is planning terroristic murders across an entire population of the general public and across state lines.

https://tips.fbi.gov/home

[–] [email protected] 29 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

First, obviously ensure that you stay safe.

But if possible, gather as much evidence as you can. Make voice or video recordings, write down things you here, take photos of things that might be important, whatever. As soon as you're in safety, send all the evidence of your father/brother making death threats and planning violent riots to the police/FBI.

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[–] NeoNachtwaechter 28 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

Democratic relatives from the South who might potentially take me in, though I don't know for sure if they will, since we're not close emotionally.

Make it easier for them: Ask only if you can stay for a little while. Don't tell the whole story upfront.

Once you are actually there, you can look for other options. Or maybe you become closer.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 3 weeks ago (8 children)

You don't need your birth certificate or social security card. They are easy to replace. A birth certificate is a public record: you can order it from whatever government agency handles vital records in the county of your birth.

Social security card is marginally more difficult, but if you know the number, it is surprisingly easy. Just go down to the nearest social security office with your story, and they'll get it sent to you.

You can only do it like 6 times in your life, but you rarely need the card itself anymore.

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[–] [email protected] 26 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (6 children)

This is a long reply. I'll do it in spoiler tags for the convenience of people who don't like that.

It sounds like you already have your answers on what to do, which is the question everybody is trying to answer:

  1. You believe you are at real risk, so you need to get out.
  2. You can't safely access your primary ID documents, so don't (or if possible before leaving town, go the APS rout suggested by another commenter). Take any secondary ID you have with you and replace primary ID later.
  3. This is the one you seem least sure about, but you've identified your best safe destination, at least to start. Go to your Democratic relatives, and plan next steps from there. I'll add to this and other "what" questions in a reply

There are two other ways to understand what you're asking for in this post.

The first is validation to build confidence in your decision.You have it.

Nobody is in a better position than you are to judge the seriousness of the situation. Trust your gut and get out.

The other way of reading the question is not what to do, but how. Logistics. This is the thing that hasn't been addressed.

I am disabled. My cognitive ability suffers severely if I sit up or stand up for more than a few minutes. I also have another condition that requires me to avoid bending my neck, so I have to keep it straight.

This suggests you don't drive, and that long walks or waiting at a bus stop aren't good options for you. Since you've presumably lived with your disability for some time, I'm going to assume you have local transport options sorted out - please reply with more details (level of urban, distance and size of nearest cities if rural, details on who drives you places if applicable, social connections) if if that's wrong.

You may or may not not have much long distance travel experience. How have you made longer trips in the past, other than your parents driving?

Driving

  1. Convincing a liberal friend to drive you to a red state within a week of the election is a tough ask - even if they are willing and have the time, they may not feel safe doing so. If they do, they're also more likely to downplay the risk from your brother. Most people who can do this are not working: retired, unemployed, or stay-at-home parents.

Unemployed friend should be your first choice here: probably happy to make the trip if you cover gas and lodging. Stay at home parent is less likely to be able to get away because of the need to handle childcare. Retired people you know are probably also connected to your parents, which make them riskier options.

  1. There are also websites and apps for pairing strangers with and without cars going in the same direction. Usually the person with the car will want gas money from the one without. This is a riskier option for you. It may also take longer and require you to make temporary arrangements to stay somewhere locally, and even then not work out.

First, don't use Facebook for this - too easy for it to get back to your family. Use your favorite search engine or app store to find a "road trip carpooling" tool. Probably as manybas possible, if you choose this option.

With your disability, you're more vulnerable to unsympathetic or even politically hostile drivers. When they ask about your trip, don't tell them why you left. You're going to visit family you haven't seen in a while. Talk about things you've done with them in the past, and what you're looking forward to doing with them now. Don't mention things that convey their (or your) politics.

If you're paired with a MAGAt or someone who holds otherwise objectionable views, do not push back. Express indifference, or even agreement if that's what it takes. You're vulnerable both because of your disability and because they control your transportation - you don't want to be stranded at the next rest or gas stop.

AirYou will need state ID, drivers license, or passport for this. You can buy a ticket online through a site like Travelocity, Kayak, or Orbitz. That will usually be cheaper than through the airlines. Print your ticket if you feel safe doing so, otherwise you can get it at check-in at the airport.

Show up over an hour early - preferably two, I don't know how muvh your disability may slow things down. Check-in is probably at a kiosk. Then ask the first uniformed person you see for mobility assistance. With your standing issues, that will probably mean someone to push you in a wheelchair to TSA. Documentation of your disability may help here, but shouldn't be necessary.

After TSA, they'll probably send a golf cart to rake you to the gate. Once boarding is called, disability should make you eligible to board at any time. If you need to lie down to keep enough cognitive ability to recognize the right boarding call, do so, and explain to any official that tells you to sit up (but they probably won't). Ignore any passengers that say anything about it - you don't have to answer to them.

When you board, make the flight crew aware of the cognitive issues with sitting. Ask them to tell you specifically at each stop if it's time for you to exit the plane.

When you arrive, ask for mobility assistance again. There will be a taxi stand at the airport if you need that. You may not want to call ahead to your family even then, so you can make your request in person not to contact your brother and parents.

BusGreyhound, or Megabus. You will need state ID, drivers license, or passport for this. It will be physically challenging.

Again, you can buy tickets online. I recommend this, as they sell out. If buying and printing the ticket at home is not safe, you can still plan the trip and then buy at the terminal if there is one - but it limits your starting point options to actual terminals (not all Greyhound stops have them). The ride will be long, cramped, and you will almost certainly have to change buses at some point. Bring something to do that won't run down your phone battery, like a book or knitting.

There will be less assistance than with flying. Lying down at the station is more common, but if they're full they're more likely to make you sit up despite your disability. There will be stops where you can buy food. There won't be a taxi stand at the other end, but there will almost certainly be a local bus stop.

> I also can't safely lift anything that's heavier than a few pounds, so anything more than that is very risky. I can push and pull fine.

Do you have a rolling small suitcase you frequently use for taking things with you when you go places nearby? If so, pack what you can in that. Ignore things that can be easily replaced (personal care items, fashion clothing, etc) and plan to replace them when you get where you're going. Thrift stores are your friend. Focus on things of emotional, medical, or financial value. If there's room left, pack underwear since that can't be gotten used.

If leaving with anything would be unusual, don't. Getting you out is the most important thing. Everything else is secondary. If you go the APS route for your ID, they can help you retrieve some belongings at the same time. Otherwise, plan to figure it out later.

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[–] [email protected] 26 points 3 weeks ago (5 children)

If you can get relatives to help, do that. If not, contact a local women's shelter or other abuse-related non-profit. They may or may not be able to help directly, but they will most likely know what other resources are available.

I wish you the best.

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