sprigatito_bread

joined 5 months ago
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29
I’m tempted to become insecure about my disabilities even though I know it’s dumb (self.casualconversation)
 

“Everyone will think you’re useless,” my brain tells me, as if every person thinks that way. It thinks I’ll be shunned if I ever need help or can’t do the same things others can. People will think I’m gross and want to stay away from me because this neck brace I have to wear makes me look like some kind of sick, feral creature. I could never get a partner because I would be too much of an economic burden and my chronic conditions take the fun out of everything.

What’s my source for this? My narcissistic father, who always tells me that I’m a useless failure who will never succeed. He told me that people would react in that way. My lived experience refutes many of his claims, but apparently that didn’t stop me from internalizing them. Maybe I should start wearing earplugs around that guy.

I’m getting ready to touch grass for the first time on my own since I become disabled 3 years ago. I know things won’t be easy, but I also know that this kind of self-defeating thinking is more than useless and literally why it took me 3 years to want to go out in the first place.

Maybe I should reject my father’s framing entirely. Why can’t I put a positive spin on it? The world threw a bunch of bullshit at me, and my presence alone is proof that I didn’t give up. I kept going. If people see that as weak, that’s their problem.

I should stand in solidarity with everyone else fighting through their own bullshit and we can help each other in whatever ways we can. Life wasn’t meant to be a singleplayer game. We’re in this together, and I can find like-minded people who recognize that.

I hope my defiant spirit that’s ready to kick some ass and make lots of buddies wins out.

I’m living every day like it’s my last, and I do NOT recommend it in c/[email protected]
[–] sprigatito_bread 5 points 1 week ago

Thanks! Though it’s worth noting that I tend to exaggerate. During that 3-year period, I actually did do some long-term projects and kept my attention on them; I just wasn’t satisfied with the overall impact of them on my life because I was playing things way too safe.

This post is basically me taking a common self-defeating pattern I exhibit and calling it out as silly, perhaps to better help me recognize and challenge it within myself. It is one of the final things holding me back from ditching the dopamine machine and returning to the real world.

I was doing good for the past couple of days, but recently, I had a relapse. My brain’s excuse was: “If you go cold turkey, you might never get to experience these feelings ever again, since you could die before forming the relationship required to feel them legitimately.”

It sounded compelling on its face, but then I realized that all of the time I spend indulging myself in various ways eliminates time that I could be spending on pursuing real connections. Using technology to partially fill the void was consuming all of the time that I could have spent actually filling said void. That’s what inspired me to make this post—recognizing just how counterproductive that mentality really was.

I’m living every day like it’s my last, and I do NOT recommend it in c/[email protected]
[–] sprigatito_bread 14 points 1 week ago (1 children)

The answer that my mind seems to be converging on is: “We can use the power of local community to help insulate ourselves from outside forces and replace technological addiction with genuine social connection to achieve a more natural and healthy state of existence.”

Or, put simply, “Friendship is magic.”

It doesn’t answer existential questions about the future, but I think it makes them less relevant by making the present nice enough that work towards the future is less of an emotional sacrifice.

85
I’m living every day like it’s my last, and I do NOT recommend it (self.casualconversation)
 

To my brain, nothing is worth pursuing or trying. “How can you guarantee that you’ll be alive to finish anything you start?” My brain asks. And it’s right. I can never make that guarantee.

It directs me to spoil myself with instant gratification because it knows I will still be alive to experience it. There’s no risk of working towards nothing. Don’t make goals. Don’t take risks. Embrace mediocrity. Do the bare minimum needed to survive. That way, you will never be disappointed.

I’m so tired of thinking like this. It started when I got a serious chronic illness that couldn’t be diagnosed. I always manage to survive for longer than I predict, and then I look back and notice that I have done nothing for the last 3 years.

I hope that I don’t continue to make the same mistake in response to Current Events™. I’m sure that falling for it again would be helpful to the exact people I really don’t want to be helping.

I'm starting to become too optimistic and self-assured to fit in with the Internet anymore in c/[email protected]
[–] sprigatito_bread 3 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

That's a good point; there are people who think like this everywhere, not just on the Internet.

I believe that the main difference for me is the speed and volume of negative sentiments. Maybe in real life, you'll have one or two people in the general vicinity expressing worry for the future, and many who won't say anything. But on the Internet, it's an endless scroll of hundreds of people saying "We are doomed" in different ways. As others have pointed out, there are additional statistical effects that also make negativity more prominent on top of that.

But ultimately, even if you quit the Internet, the rationality filter you mentioned is necessary for real life, too. If your positive mindset can be ruined by talking to a single negative person, you aren't going to be positive for very long. I try to understand where other people's opinions come from rather than accept them at face value. Once I recognized that I had control over how others' words affected me and could interpret them in my own way, I become much more emotionally stable.

That filter doesn't make you invincible, but I think it's much more resilient against a slower pace of negativity rather than the constant deluge on many social media spaces. A slow pace of interaction gives you more time to reflect and ponder the meaning of negative statements, whereas a fast one often precludes such introspection.

I also like your point about engaging with the Internet thoughtfully. There are some who still use it to spread positivity, even if they aren't immediately visible. Someone sent me an unexpectedly sweet and heartfelt compliment yesterday, and that really touched my heart. One of the best things about the rationality filter is that it diminishes my sensitivity to criticism while maintaining my high sensitivity to kindness. That diminished sensitivity to criticism makes me less afraid to put myself out there, while the high sensitivity to kindness makes even the smallest positive interactions feel wonderful.

99
I'm starting to become too optimistic and self-assured to fit in with the Internet anymore (self.casualconversation)
 

Defeatism, cynicism, doomerism, essentialism, materialism, anti-intellectualism, consumerism, and cruelty are everywhere on the Internet... and I'm just not into it anymore.

I used to buy into self-limiting beliefs because I thought they were answers from people with more life experience than me, but they just limited my thinking and led me astray. They were why I was insecure and unhappy. They were why I was doing nothing to make my life better.

Once I started to push back on all of the Internet's supposed "wisdom," I figured out that my fundamentally flawed beliefs were paralyzing me from actually doing anything with my life and being brave enough to take risks, especially socially. I'm noticeably happier, I've developed a positive life outlook, and I'm more comfortable in my own skin because I stopped getting my opinions from the Internet and started thinking for myself.

I recognized that others' opinions don't define reality. Opinions are the result of someone's life experiences filtered through their brain. They may have some value, but they are often incredibly biased and should not be taken as gospel. If you take them all seriously, you will be riddled with insecurities in no time flat, subconsciously trying to appeal to people who you don't even like and would never be friends with.

I honestly can't say I know who social media is even for at this point. There is so much content promoting unhealthy ways of thinking just haphazardly strewn about everywhere. I don't know how anyone can avoid it all. I don't know if the benefits can outweigh the costs. Even the most harmless content is forgettable and eats up valuable time that could be used for something more meaningful.

Sometimes I think about how we never see any posts from the happiest people alive. They don't need social media validation, their positivity wouldn't generate clicks, and the negativity of social media platforms probably scared them off long ago. As a result of their absence, negativity and unhealthy thought patterns have proliferated unchallenged.

I feel like I don't even belong on the Internet anymore. I can't relate to all of the doomers and cynics. The constant firehose of simultaneous anxiety and apathy, the lack of introspection and empathy... what use do I really have for it all at the end of the day? It's getting so old and stale. I feel like I can't grow as a person anymore if I continue consuming Internet slop.

There are so many, much more constructive ways I could be spending my time. If I should be using the Internet for anything, it would be to aid me in doing that. For example, finding good books to read. I can't wait until I finally overcome my behavioral inertia and move on with my life.

I'm obsessed with the idea of being an affectionate and loving boyfriend and I HAVE to gush about it in c/[email protected]
[–] sprigatito_bread 2 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

Most of what you wrote about how you are, are written in ways others might say about you,

In retrospect, this IS a very weird stylistic choice, and definitely isn't how I would describe myself under normal circumstances. These are internal feelings of self-concept that are presented in a way that basically compliments myself, which, yeah, definitely comes off as odd. This was an extremely unconventional way of saying "I'm confident in who I am and I feel good about that." Pretty much a dead giveaway that I did not actually consider the audience when I threw this random jumble of thoughts out there.

My own self-image will never exist in other people's minds. Everyone I've interacted with holds a different version of me in their heads, and they are all imperfect projections with various degrees of distortion based on all of the information that their brains have taken in about me. To attempt to force someone to accept my personal image of myself would be ill-fated and narcissistic.

Take this post for example. I sound completely unhinged to most of the people in this comment section. Everything I do and say will be colored through the lens of that first impression, and there's no way to change that. So what else is there to do except own it, learn from it, and move on? People are gonna people, and you can't change them, so focus on building understanding and modifying your own actions accordingly. I've learned so much fascinating stuff from this thread about how other people perceive my words, and that will help me communicate better with people who think differently than me in the future.

When I talk about who I want to embody, I am not talking about controlling how others perceive me; I'm talking about what I aspire to be. It's the difference between telling people that you want to be a good person and telling people that you are a good person. The former describes your own standards and aspirations, while the latter sounds narcissistic. I meant the things I said in the former, aspirational way. I will never fully be a good person or a good partner, but that doesn't mean I can't keep working towards those goals. This is what I meant in the post when I said:

I know that ideals are goals to work towards, not promises to expect.

Nothing I fantasize about or imagine will ever actually exist. The feelings are real, but the situations I imagine are fictional. You're right that tying my understanding of reality to what happens in this fictional world would be disastrous, and one must daydream responsibly by being aware of this and regularly grounding their understanding in real life experiences.

Thanks for pointing that stuff out.

I'm obsessed with the idea of being an affectionate and loving boyfriend and I HAVE to gush about it in c/[email protected]
[–] sprigatito_bread 2 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

I want us to be compatible in sexuality, personality, values, communication, life situation, and overall life goals. In other words, I want anyone who I can make a relationship work with.

I don't believe in defining rigid categories so much because it neglects so many edge cases. I would prefer to evaluate each situation on a case-by-case basis. For example, if I said that I only wanted to date introverts, I'm filtering out ambiverts or even some extroverts who I could be compatible with. I just need someone who I can create a balanced relationship with, not someone who passes dozens of logical heuristics. I'd rather see if we have chemistry and compatible lives and go from there.

The central miscommunication of this post, as evidenced by the comments section, is that I was posting vibes hoping that others could relate to them, whereas others, perhaps more analytically-minded, interpreted my words more literally as a blueprint for a real relationship, rather than what I intended for them to be: a freeform expression of romantic interest, disconnected from any of the implementation details.

I'm not ready for a relationship. I have no plan yet. I'm just excited to figure out how to make one happen in the future. That's what this post was actually meant to be about: feelings, not practicalities.

But I will say that, while my post came across as obsessive and manic, most of the time, I imagine us leaving each other alone and quietly doing our own things. We'd only briefly interact a few times a day for a few minutes at a time. Those narrow time windows are where the actual emotional intensity is, and that's what my brain zooms into and talks about, as if the whole relationship looks like that, when they are really just the absolute peak highlights.

I'm obsessed with the idea of being an affectionate and loving boyfriend and I HAVE to gush about it in c/[email protected]
[–] sprigatito_bread 0 points 3 weeks ago

I think I could definitely spend less time daydreaming and more time going outside for sure. In fact, that's kind of the point of the daydreaming: to figure out what appeals to me romantically and how I wish to conduct myself as a friend and partner.

I'm not keen on having some kind of imaginary friend, and I'm definitely not keen on being in-your-face hyper-emotional towards others because I literally can't do that. I am just way too introverted and it goes against every instinct in my body. This whole post is an extreme exaggeration because it's made to be more abstract and artistic, made to capture the intensity of feeling; it isn't meant to convey what the relationship is literally like. Clearly, this is not how most people read text, and I should probably have realized that sooner.

I imagine the actual relationship to be slow and easygoing where we actually leave each other alone for most of the day. We would only interact a few times a day in moments lasting from a few seconds to a few minutes. We might also spend time together in quiet ways, like reading books in the same room. What I have done in this post is blow up those very small time windows and made them seem like that's what the whole relationship looks like. It's not. I don't think love will free me from having a social battery.

I'm obsessed with the idea of being an affectionate and loving boyfriend and I HAVE to gush about it in c/[email protected]
[–] sprigatito_bread 4 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

If I learned anything from this thread, it's that I am so glad that I never became active or had a decent following on mainstream social media. I couldn't imagine what a mistake like this on a site like Twitter would do to my mind back when I was younger. At least here and in real life, your mistakes are confined to a relatively small group.

I'm obsessed with the idea of being an affectionate and loving boyfriend and I HAVE to gush about it in c/[email protected]
[–] sprigatito_bread 3 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (2 children)

I just struggle to comprehend what those issues actually could be in concrete terms. I sort of exaggerated my speech on purpose just for fun, so that's probably where a lot of the "crazy" impression comes from. And I've never actually been in a relationship, so there's nothing to go off of there. Am I ACTUALLY overly attached and clingy? Or am I just bad at writing and my post just made a bad impression? We don't know.

Like sure, I probably come across as weird and could do more to think about the actual nitty-gritty of a relationship rather than embellishing raw feelings, but other than that, I don't know what the actual problem is other than "This guy sounds weird."

Maybe because of the way I came across, people perceive everything I say to have a double-meaning, where caring for someone means wanting to control them and wanting to show kindness means wanting to lure people in. Maybe a lot of what I said isn't bad in principle, but because I said them weirdly, I look like some kind of serial killer psychopath or creepy incel freak. I'm just too uncanny valley to be a "normal" person, so EVERYTHING I said loses its innocence and gets tainted with "What does he REALLY mean by that?"

Because if I were to tell someone what my feelings were, I'd say that I want to be a romantic partner for someone, to care and be cared for, to work together and make decisions as a team, and to continually improve myself so that I can best fulfill my duty as a partner. Sure, I may feel strongly about those feelings from time to time, but that's ultimately what they are. Is that bad? Is that something I should go to therapy for? Or have I simply expressed these feelings in a way so unconventional and distorted that it comes across as creepy?

Either way, this has been a fascinating and unexpected exploration of "What happens when I miscommunicate or misrepresent myself in a horribly disastrous fashion?"

I'm obsessed with the idea of being an affectionate and loving boyfriend and I HAVE to gush about it in c/[email protected]
[–] sprigatito_bread 4 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

I write a lot because I have a lot of ideas that I want to express. I try to do some trimming, but I don't like to dilute my ideas too much. But I could definitely be more mindful about how much the audience cares to read and throw more of this in my own private journal.

I exaggerated what I said on purpose because I thought it'd fun to try expressing myself differently and not being so restrained, but clearly that style is reminiscent of the overly-attached girlfriend meme lmao. So, I'm gonna definitely keep that feedback in mind.

I experience strong emotions in general, and that's something that I need to learn how to manage—when to be more emotionally restrained versus when to be more expressive. Clearly here I just splattered raw emotions all over the page, which ends up being fantastical and disconnected from reality compared to what a relationship actually looks like.

I have a duty to my future partner to manage my emotions in a way that upholds a stable relationship, or leave if it's not going to work out, which means that it is most certainly against my self-interest to actually come across how I did here.

So then why did I make this post in the first place? Idk, it was kinda fun to write, even if it's suuuper exaggerated. Just kind of my own form of artistic expression to look back on and say "Wow, I was so weird and whimsical in my early 20s. How cute."

I'm obsessed with the idea of being an affectionate and loving boyfriend and I HAVE to gush about it in c/[email protected]
[–] sprigatito_bread 5 points 3 weeks ago

That's fair. I sort of shoved all of the intense feelings into this post and downplayed the boring stuff because my brain leans on the idealistic side.

Here I describe all of the raw feelings I feel all at once, which gives the impression of something overly intense and disconnected from tempered, pragmatic reality.

But you need all of the boring pragmatic stuff, because that's how you make anything actually work. Ideals are something that have to be built towards with the building blocks of realism, otherwise you can't actually build anything.

Thanks for your feedback. It helps me get a better grasp on things, even if not every comment is positive lol.

I'm obsessed with the idea of being an affectionate and loving boyfriend and I HAVE to gush about it in c/[email protected]
[–] sprigatito_bread 5 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (4 children)

So I'm guessing that all of the sentimentality at once comes across as super clingy?

That might be an aforementioned blind spot that I have to look out for. Consciously, I think controlling behavior like that is super gross, and the idea of being attached to someone who doesn't reciprocate or isn't comfortable with that level of affection feels super counterproductive; why invest in painful, unreciprocated relationships when I can just find someone else? If I have attachment issues, why not go to therapy and work through them, then try again with someone else?

I guess this post gives the impression that I would get WAY too into someone too quickly, and then find myself unwilling to leave because of a scarcity mindset. I was hoping that the metaphor of slowly nurturing a seedling until it grows until a flower would give the impression that I would develop the relationship in a careful, thoughtful manner, but eh, it is what it is.

But, assuming that's your point, I appreciate you bringing it to my attention, because even if I'm not the crazy psycho overly-attached girlfriend/boyfriend meme, I think individual agency is something that I could be thinking about more, not just for relationships, but also for friendships.

Ultimately, I'm just trying to be a good person. And maybe dumping a bunch of feelings on the Internet at once makes me look crazy. Heck, maybe I AM a little crazy. But as long as I accept that I'm imperfect and that my understanding will never be complete, I can continually improve by observing what effects my behavior has on others and adjust accordingly.

So yeah, NOT dumping all of my feelings on someone at once is a good idea lol.

I'm obsessed with the idea of being an affectionate and loving boyfriend and I HAVE to gush about it in c/[email protected]
[–] sprigatito_bread 2 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (8 children)

Genuinely curious how this is a "yikes"?

Is it because I sound like some overly idealistic person who will have his dreams crushed?

Or because I sound so ridiculously overly sentimental compared to the jaded cynicism that pervades the entire Internet?

Or do I sound like I'd get psychotically attached to someone because most people show more restraint when they talk about romantic feelings?

I don't know how to interpret this comment otherwise.

17
I'm obsessed with the idea of being an affectionate and loving boyfriend and I HAVE to gush about it (self.casualconversation)
 

I was born to love. I'm this soft and gentle introverted guy with a bottomless well of tenderness and affection. It is, without exaggeration, the greatest blessing I have ever received.

I vehemently ADORE the idea of making a special someone so happy and being so devoted to her happiness and well-being. I get so giddy just thinking about it! I'm this big bundle of joy and affection inside who wants to shower someone with hugs and kisses and words of admiration. And yet, I have a tender, steady energy to me that will dole out that affection at a calm and measured pace.

That's one of the things I love the most about this personality. I have this sweet, quiet, and unassuming presence, but under the surface is an enormous wellspring of love and care brewing of inside of me that I just HAVE to let out. My inner geek would meticulously observe and study my partner's wants and needs, her likes and dislikes, and the things that make her feel loved and cared for. And then, I would translate my theories into sweet, sweet praxis.

And when any kind of affection is shown back to me, I will completely MELT. There is no facade of masculine stoicism here. If my partner touches me, I'm going to turn into jelly. Everything she does will have me on the floor, incoherently blubbering about how much I love and appreciate her. I live for utter trust and surrender to someone who loves and cares about me, and my partner will surely know it.

I'd love a relationship where we treat each other as equals, where we listen to one another and make decisions together as a team. A relationship filled with mutual love and devotion where we can take turns lavishly melting each other with affection sounds like heaven.

I'm so endlessly glad that I didn't end up as some misogynistic jerkwad who treats his partner like dirt and orders her around all day, because my father was exactly that. But I shouldn't pat myself on the back too much, because I can always improve and I will always have blind spots. I need to be attentive to my partner's needs, communicate effectively with her, and honestly reflect on what effects my actions had. Cultivating a loving relationship is an ongoing process, not a one-and-done deal. It takes work and commitment, and that is an endeavor that I wish to dedicate myself to.

I've never actually been in a relationship (I'm only 22), but I want to actively grow and nurture a healthy mindset now. I'm an idealist at heart, but I know that ideals are goals to work towards, not promises to expect. In order to for a big, beautiful flower to bloom, you have to start from a seed and care for it over time. You can't just expect perfection to appear on the first day. The mindset I wish to cultivate is the knowledge and the heart required to become a gardener of love, to carefully attend to those delicate flower buds every step of the way so that they may blossom into big, beautiful roses.

But just knowing that I hold the power inside to create something so heavenly and fulfilling for someone else in spite of the world's hardship and strife... it's hard to describe to beautiful that is to me. And it's an incredible honor to have the privilege of creating anything even approximating that. I feel a moral duty to take good care of this part of myself and use it to create the most loving and supportive relationship that I can.

Whenever I indulge in my fantasies of a loving, nurturing relationship, I feel waves of euphoric warmth wash over me. It feels so cozy and comforting, like being wrapped in a warm blanket or a gentle hug. It's the ultimate life hack; I can trigger a whole deluge of positive emotions for free, without needing separately packaged, inferior versions to be sold to me piecemeal. It feels uniquely soul-mending, like something making me whole again, restoring a sense of safety and security that I seemed to have lost long ago.

It has made me so much happier throughout the day. I find myself wanting to be so openly warm and caring to other people. Negative things just don't impact me as much. Seeing who I am in these fantasies makes me want to bring that part of my personality out more, to say kind things where I may not have said anything before.

My dream isn't to become rich. It isn't to become famous, to become an astronaut, or to climb Mount Everest. My dream is to become the sweetest, cuddliest, most sensitive lovebug of a boyfriend I can possibly be, and make someone else so incredibly happy.

And I am so, so happy that I have the chance to embody that person.

98
Is there any hetero romance content where the partners feel like authentic best friends who completely ignore gender expectations? (self.asklemmy)
submitted 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) by sprigatito_bread to c/asklemmy
16 comments fedilink
 

I'm interested in egalitarian heterosexual romances where it feels like the partners are best buddies. They don't care about societal expectations and will often do gender non-conforming things just out of happenstance. There's a vibe of casual playfulness and spontaneity, with neither partner taking themselves too seriously. They have a lot in common and feel like equals, not dominant/submissive. Both partners initiate and receive affection and feel intense love and passion for one another.

I don't want to see the same old tired gender expressions; I want to see guys who are super warm and bubbly and women who are playful and tomboyish, guys who are shy and sensitive and women who are outgoing and assertive, and all kinds of other variations that don't get so much representation. I like the idea of buddies who have a natural chemistry instead of a "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" dichotomy. Both partners can be sweet, both partners can be silly goofballs, and both partners can share many of the same personality traits in differing amounts and contexts.

I've seen communities like "gentle femdom" and "role reversal," and while there is certainly some overlap with what I'm talking about, they feature a gender dichotomy and power dynamics, which don't appeal to me. Do I want permission as a man to be soft and cute and pampered by my partner? Of course! Does that mean I want to adopt inverted gender roles and become her subordinate? No, not at all.

I'm attracted to the idea of mutual relationships where partners are free to embrace nonconformity, but in a way that rejects prescribed social roles and hierarchy entirely instead of boxing people into new ones. Both partners respect and care for one another, and acts are done explicitly to please the other in a mutual give and take. Both partners have complex emotions and personality traits that do not fall along arbitrary gendered lines.

The ideal is a relationship that feels so authentic and natural that gender expectations fade away in favor of two people complementing one another in their own special way.

Does anyone know any books, media, or online spaces that fit the bill? Personally, as a gentle sensitive sweetheart kind of guy, I'd appreciate material that I feel represented in, but even just nonconforming straight couples in general would be super based. Thanks!

118
What's stopping corporate authoritarians from instantly shutting down all left-wing Internet content? Shouldn't we be preparing for that? (self.asklemmy)
submitted 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) by sprigatito_bread to c/asklemmy
40 comments fedilink
 

I've been thinking of potential measures that corporate-controlled authoritarian governments could use against any kind of left-wing information or organizing, and it seems like an obvious one is a sudden, widespread crackdown on left-wing content. In practice, social media companies would collude with the government to:

  • Wipe out all left-wing social media profiles and ban left-wing rhetoric under the justification that it is "terrorism-related content".
  • Block access to thousands of left-wing sites at once and de-list them from search engines
  • Update content moderation algorithms to prevent more of this content from being published or recommended
  • Do all of these on the same day to cause the most disorientation and fear
  • Continually go after the hosts of the niche left-wing news and communication channels that still remain, such as small websites, fediverse instances, and encrypted communication channels. Throw their operators in prison and make examples out of them

In effect, due to the centralized nature of social media and news, the online left could instantly be scattered through the collusion of just a few large corporations.

It would:

  • Galvanize the populist right-wing base
  • Stoke feelings of fear, isolation, and hopelessness among the opposition, deterring action
  • Weaken the left's ability to organize
  • Make it harder for people to learn about real left-wing ideas and stances

Why wouldn't they take that opportunity?

The bulk of online left-wing activity could instantly be wiped out in a single day. Why am I not hearing more people talking about that? Why do so many left-leaning people think sites like BlueSky will save them? Do they really think they are resisting by using centralized social media platforms? The corporatocracy has complete control over all of the infrastructure...

In my opinion, every influencer on the left should be screaming from the rooftops every single day that the most productive thing you can be doing is talking to people, building connections, and organizing in the real world, because our platform on the Internet could vanish instantaneously.

Anyway, I hope I'm wrong, but it feels like something that could easily happen. What are your thoughts?

148
How do you find genuine community in an atomized, individualistic society? (self.asklemmy)
submitted 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) by sprigatito_bread to c/asklemmy
52 comments fedilink
 

Preferably in real life and without religion or alcohol.

96
I love being an emotional guy so much, and I want to share with anyone struggling how I learned to embrace it. (self.casualconversation)
submitted 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) by sprigatito_bread to c/[email protected]
7 comments fedilink
 

Being a really emotional guy is wonderful! I love how much joy I can find in the smallest things. I adore how much warmth and goodwill I feel towards people I barely even know. And it warms my heart knowing that I strongly wish to spread love and joy, be there for friends in need, and offer gentle, compassionate support. My whole being yearns to connect deeply with others and show them great affection through my words and actions.

I was put on this planet to be a sweetheart, gosh dang it! That's just who I am, and I'm not going anywhere!

I didn't always feel that way, though...

I grew up in an abusive household, and I was taught by everyone around me, at home and at school, that being emotional was a terrible thing. I was bullied because it was so easy to make me cry. Boys weren't supposed to be emotional, they would tell me. Eventually, I believed them. I hated myself for years, convinced that I didn't belong in this world and nobody would ever like me. Believing that social interactions were harmful and would erode my identity, I retreated into perpetual isolation. I only spoke when necessary and kept interactions impersonal and distant.

But it only took the kindness and compassion of one person to change my life.

As much as I tried to hide who I was, people could still kind of tell. One day at work, I made a silly, harmless mistake, and my coworkers all laughed. As I became flustered and apologized, one of them, who was a couple of years older than me, emphatically said, "Oh my god, you're adorable, you know that?"

In the moment, I was utterly confused, having just received a compliment that fundamentally clashed with my idea of masculinity. I couldn't stop thinking about it. Did someone actually like my soft side? Was that possible? The next day, I mustered just enough courage to talk to her about it. And I mean JUST enough courage. I was so nervous and shaky that I could barely speak, which drew immediate concern from her as I practically choked out the words explaining my plight.

She affectionately reiterated my adorableness, describing me as a sweetheart who lots of people would really like if I opened up more. I was in disbelief, citing the fact that I have often heard the exact opposite regarding those who break male gender norms. "Don't listen to those people," she said. "They are miserable and will only drag you down with them." At the end of our little impromptu therapy session, she added, "By the way, is anyone here telling you this? If so, tell me who they are so I can kick their ass." She was wonderful.

After being burned countless times, it was hard to accept that anyone truly liked me as a person. But my curiosity kept me coming back to her, because I had to know if I was wrong. She became something of a mentor to me, and every time I confided in her, she would say or do something genuinely helpful that nudged me in the right direction. I was filled with doubts and cognitive distortions, but she never once lost patience with me, gently redirecting me each time they showed.

"I promise there are people, like me, who genuinely like you and enjoy talking to you!" She wrote in a text message. "I think once you learn to let go of your worries, you'll learn just how awesome you really are and how much people will want to be your friend."

Blinded by my desperate attempts to cling onto my old belief system, I didn't immediately internalize her message. This was in part because I couldn't be friends with her in a conventional, reciprocal sense due to how emotionally unstable I was. In a message explaining the purity of her intentions and the joy she felt in helping me, she affectionately wrote, "You're like a little brother to me." While this is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me, it also gently implied that I wasn't an equal friend, which complicated my feelings at the time.

But while she wasn't the kind of friend I wanted at the time, she was exactly the kind of friend I needed. She single-handedly dismantled the foundation of my self-hatred and provided irrefutable evidence that I had been lying to myself the whole time. She went so far above and beyond that I could no longer explain her actions with anything other than genuine care. With my core harmful beliefs severely compromised, it was inevitable that the sophisticated mental construct that tormented me for years would finally collapse.

I feel so lucky to have met my coworker, and I am forever grateful for the irreplaceable role she played in my life. Although I was far from healed, she was the one who gave me the tools I needed to take myself the rest of the way there. And for that, she is my hero. While I may never get the chance to properly thank her, I wish to follow in her footsteps and use kindness to change lives in her honor, just as she did for me.

Now that I'm a bit older, I know that the takeaway from this story isn't all sunshine and rainbows. I wasn't completely delusional; there was a very understandable reason for me to develop the insecurities that I did—people who hate soft guys are everywhere. Traditional male expectations are deeply ingrained throughout much of society. But what's critical is that she provided concrete proof that not everyone believes in them and I have the agency to choose who to surround myself with.

The truth is that there are no rules. The social landscape is a decentralized web of connections where no single authority dictates what is or isn't acceptable. The people you're with and the contexts you're in influence the subjective sense of what's normal, common, and acceptable. Is it weird to wear a Spider-Man costume? Well, it depends. At your local coffee shop? Probably. At a comic book convention? Probably not. Are the majority of people geeky introverts? Generally, no, but at your local book club? Quite possibly!

And that's where the power lies—you can rig the odds in your favor by being intentional about which social settings you choose to engage with. This way, you can more easily find people you vibe with and who will love you for who you are. And because of that, there is great hope.

Each one of us has millions of people out there who would hate our guts if they knew us. But we also have millions of people who would sincerely care for us and cheer for our happiness and well-being. I don't know about you, but I'm going to be focusing my efforts on finding people from the latter camp.

I know for sure that I've found at least one!

106
I deleted YouTube's video recommendations and it's already changing my life (self.casualconversation)
submitted 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) by sprigatito_bread to c/[email protected]
17 comments fedilink
 

Recently, I've been trying to find ways to manage my time better. The biggest problem is that I would get stuck in YouTube binge-watching sessions that I couldn't pry myself away from. I would constantly be looking for the next thing to click on that was just interesting enough to keep my attention.

As I became more and more disillusioned with my situation, I began to realize just how severe the problem had become. I spent most of my free time just watching videos. Not socializing, not making anything cool, not learning any new hobbies. Just YouTube. Was this the life I really wanted? How many of those videos do I even remember anyway? Oh god. Thousands of hours of my life are being lost forever... I HAVE to stop this. How?

Analyzing my behavior quickly revealed the culprit — YouTube video recommendations keep tempting me with content that I never planned on watching. My eyes would always be drawn to the wall of titles and thumbnails for me to click on next, and that kept me in a vicious cycle. Click on a mildly entertaining video, look for another mildly entertaining recommended video, click. Rinse and repeat.

What if instead of doing that, I threw it all out and only chose a select few really good channels to watch? Oh wait, that's called the subscription feed!

I went through all of the channels I subscribed to over the years. Disturbingly, I found that I didn't actually care about most of them. It was cheap, mass-produced content to make the creator lots of money, and it was just barely entertaining enough to keep my attention.

I removed 95% of my subscriptions and kept only the best channels. These were often beautifully presented, thought-provoking STEM content, which prioritized quality over quantity. Now, instead of a binge of 30 videos, my subscription feed for the day had... just three. That's it. After those three videos, I would be done for the day.

There was only one thing left to do now — delete the recommendations.

I wrote a hacky script that simply removed the recommended video column and end screen, and finally, I added the YouTube homepage in a webpage blocking plugin so I only looked at the subscription feed. Just like that, I had fixed YouTube. There were no more distracting recommendations. The choice of what to watch was back in my hands.

It only took 20 minutes before I grew completely bored and wanted to do something else. But that's not a bug; it's a feature. That sense of boredom is there to push me to do something meaningful with my life — make something, pick up a new hobby, or meet people. The fact that I felt it so strongly meant that my plan was working. All of those things I always wanted to do... now I can actually do them. As long as I never allow endless scroll feeds and recommendation algorithms to rule my life again. But knowing the damage they've done to me, I never want to go back.

Because to be free, I ultimately need to make the Internet boring again.

What about you? Do you have measures to prevent the Internet from taking away all of your free time?

312
the legend of hy-rule (lemmy.world)
 
10
Link gets picked up (lemmy.world)
 

Credit: @NachozArts

82
I found out why I wasn't interested in romance... Turns out, I want the traditional gender roles to be flipped. (self.casualconversation)
 

Hi! I (21M) recently developed a lot of tender feelings towards the idea of a particular kind of relationship lately.

For many years, I knew that I was heterosexual, but I never felt any romantic spark that made me want to actually pursue a relationship. Eventually, I assumed that I wasn't interested, but a part of me always wondered if I was wrong.

One day, I got bored and tried to imagine a hypothetical relationship that would feel wonderful and natural for me, irrespective of societal norms. After hours of roleplaying hypothetical scenarios and writing down what made my heart the most happy, I finally settled upon a coherent vision for a theoretical partner.

She'd be really sweet and loving, but the twist is that she'd often take lead over me. She'd be on the confident and assertive side and would totally break my brain. She would often initiate affection unexpectedly, and I'd get all flustered and totally melt for her. She would adore my softness instead of expecting me to suppress it. She would call me cute nicknames like "Cupcake" or "Pumpkin", and I would feel very comfortable and safe with her.

This blew my mind because it went against everything I thought hetero relationships were. And yet, I responded so strongly to it. I began searching to see if anyone else felt this way and I found "role reversal," a term referring to the inversion of traditional heterosexual relationship dynamics. I found a role reversal community and it had the most adorable art I've ever seen and perfectly encapsulated what I wanted. (Some of this content can be found on Lemmy at [email protected]. I love this post in particular. Honestly, I'm thinking of reviving it and posting content there myself!)

A day later, I woke up with constant euphoria and a nonstop firehose of vivid romantic fantasies. It lasted all day, every day. For 10 days straight. My feelings were so intense that I barely ate anything and only slept for 3-4 hours a night without getting tired.

Those fantasies not only showed me how wonderful a relationship would feel, but also that I myself would want to be very affectionate and adaptive to my partner's needs, not just my own. I was enamored with the idea of being the sweetest, most loving boyfriend I could be for her. It wasn't long before I wanted a relationship like this more than anything else.

In retrospect, perhaps it's unsurprising that my ideal relationship would be nontraditional. After all, I have spent my whole life fighting masculine gender expectations. I'm super outwardly emotional, I love to make people happy, I'm very gentle, I love adorable things, and I make myself look cute, nerdy, and non-threatening. I loved it when some of my female friends called me adorable and gave me cute nicknames, and I was full of admiration and gratitude when one of them physically protected me.

I feel like the phenomenon of role-reversed relationships is likely more common than the actual usage of the term. But perhaps I'm still a bit of a unicorn. So, what do you think? Have you seen relationships like this in the wild? Have you known about these dynamics, or are they unfamiliar to you? I'd like to know your thoughts!

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