this post was submitted on 25 Oct 2024
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

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[–] expatriado 137 points 1 month ago (2 children)

my prostate would switch to happy mode and probably wouldn't be able to pee

[–] Im_old 58 points 1 month ago (2 children)

It's difficult but not impossible

[–] [email protected] 89 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)
[–] EightLeggedFreak 49 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

You woodn't think it's possible

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[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 month ago

You can cheat by doing it right after ejaculation.

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[–] jaggedrobotpubes 121 points 1 month ago (4 children)
[–] SpaceNoodle 47 points 1 month ago

Maybe she should try more quietly.

[–] M137 29 points 1 month ago (2 children)

It never stops being scary seeing adult and married people unable to do things you expect children to get right.

[–] tee9000 38 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (2 children)

I dont understand how you dont question a jpeg. A child made this meme. It did not happen.

Now if it were a png, thats a good source. Theres a lot more transparency.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 month ago (2 children)

This comment made me remove both my femurs.

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[–] theangryseal 9 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (7 children)

Ehhhh, I dawnt reely no if it matters to much. Wut reely matters is that a purson can bee under stood. Thats the point of langwege.

I no a man hoo rites like this and calls PayPal pay pow, but he is a numbers jeenyus hoo duz complex calculashins n his hed like yoo hav nevur seen.

He can’t spell his damn name to save his life, but he’s a genius in ways that constantly blow me away. He draws complex diagrams by hand of every system he builds by hand. If anyone were ever to work behind him on something they’re very familiar with, they’d have to tear it all down and rebuild it because he just invents his own way as he goes. He has no real education either. I can’t imagine what kind of powerhouse he could be if he’d ever been afforded a chance to really learn.

I’d trade my abilities with written language for his skills any day.

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[–] [email protected] 91 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Still a better love story than twilight.

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[–] [email protected] 77 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (7 children)

The fuck is with these influx of censored memes? Is it to avoid some tik tok filter or some shit? I am just assuming since so many of this crap is recycled tik tok memes.

[–] wurstgulasch3000 30 points 1 month ago

I will down vote each and every one of them, I know it won't do anything but fuck it

[–] ObviouslyNotBanana 27 points 1 month ago (9 children)

Can't even say dingle anymore without being banned from Insta. Ducks sake.

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[–] TommySoda 74 points 1 month ago (4 children)

I like how they censor the "C" in dick so it's just "DIK"

I found that funnier than the whole rest of it lol

[–] Sam_Bass 18 points 1 month ago (1 children)

dik was an animation studio once upon a time

[–] Hackworth 26 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I instantly heard it. DEEK

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[–] IMNOTCRAZYINSTITUTION 57 points 1 month ago (1 children)

pissing all by yourself, handsome?

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 month ago

Not anymore.

[–] [email protected] 39 points 1 month ago (1 children)

aloud

That's quite the sound

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 month ago

Nonono, peeing is when stuff comes out. Sounding is when stuff goes in. Easy mistake to make.

[–] [email protected] 38 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Wrong community, this is shitposting, you want pissposting. Maybe even vintagepissposting...

[–] ObviouslyNotBanana 17 points 1 month ago

You're free to repost to pisspost this shitpost

[–] paddirn 29 points 1 month ago (2 children)

I’d probably try outside if I was going to let a woman try to hold it and aim, otherwise they’re gonna miss from just piss-poor aim or I’d start getting hard and that would make it even harder to aim.

[–] Landless2029 14 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Yeah the shower is a much easier solution

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[–] [email protected] 29 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

A great shitpost about pee ... beautifully done ... now I gotta go pee ... by myself ... with no one holding my pee pee .. so they don't do a helicopter while I pee

[–] nifty 15 points 1 month ago (1 children)

You can hold it and copter yourself

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[–] terminhell 23 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Tried this once, wife's aim was terrible. Was years ago, may try again at some point XD

[–] allidoislietomyself 28 points 1 month ago (3 children)

To be fair to your wife, we have been practicing with it since we were toddlers.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 month ago (1 children)

And she's only getting half of the controls with no coordination between the two. She doesn't know how strong of a stream you're giving her and you can't adjust it based on where she plans to point your dick.

[–] TriflingToad 11 points 1 month ago

You're quite the piss scientist I see!

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 month ago (4 children)

Standing to pee is a learned skill. Trans guys who buy a stand to pee device are all recommended to practice in the shower first.

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[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Reminds me of the almighty Hippopotamus doing the helicopter with his tail while taking a dump. Shit hits the fan. Shits supergreen too. When I see a pond full of algae I am careful, hippo might be closeby...

[–] Lost_My_Mind 20 points 1 month ago (3 children)

And the funny thing is, as over the top satirical as you're being, it's not actually bad advice. More people die from hippo attacks than sharks or alligators.

Hippos are big dumb assholes, but they are POWERFULL!!!! You don't fuck with hippos, you don't fuck with moose, and you don't fuck with polar bears.

You know that phrase about bears? If it's it's brown, lay down. If it's black, fight back."? Well hippos have a phrase too.

"If it's a hippo, fuck you!"

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[–] sachamato 16 points 1 month ago (1 children)

My wife asked for this. Lol

[–] HessiaNerd 11 points 1 month ago

I've definitely let my wife write her name.

[–] undergroundoverground 15 points 1 month ago

I'm going for a piss

Oh yeah, want some help with that?

[–] TastyWheat 12 points 1 month ago

Preschool Memes need to die, you can say 'dick' on the internet for fuck's sake!

[–] Ithorian 12 points 1 month ago (2 children)
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