Please don't post about US Politics.
1) Be nice and; have fun
Doxxing, trolling, sealioning, racism, and toxicity are not welcomed in AskLemmy. Remember what your mother said: if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. In addition, the site-wide Lemmy.world terms of service also apply here. Please familiarize yourself with them
2) All posts must end with a '?'
This is sort of like Jeopardy. Please phrase all post titles in the form of a proper question ending with ?
3) No spam
Please do not flood the community with nonsense. Actual suspected spammers will be banned on site. No astroturfing.
4) NSFW is okay, within reason
Just remember to tag posts with either a content warning or a [NSFW] tag. Overtly sexual posts are not allowed, please direct them to either [email protected] or [email protected].
NSFW comments should be restricted to posts tagged [NSFW].
5) This is not a support community.
It is not a place for 'how do I?', type questions.
If you have any questions regarding the site itself or would like to report a community, please direct them to Lemmy.world Support or email [email protected]. For other questions check our partnered communities list, or use the search function.
Reminder: The terms of service apply here too.
Logo design credit goes to: tubbadu
Do not give your senior pet to an animal rescue. I think the mental anguish they'd experience they'd suffer from feeling abandoned would hurt them so, so much.
Do your best. Talk to your vet and ask for guidance.
We all face this, eventually. It is hard to face that our cherished pet is aging, but it's our duty to see them through.
I've lost four senior pets in the last 3 years, all between 14 and 23 years old.
You make them as comfortable as possible for as long as you can, and you shower them with love and treats for as long as they live.
When you have to let them go, you stay with them until their last breath and you thank them for all the years they gave you.
Go home and bawl your eyes out. Grieve for as long as you have to.
But never, ever, ever give them up or give them away. They deserve better.
There's a bit in one of the Expanse novels where one of the main characters is remembering a dog he'd lost as an adolescent. The dog laid down and one of his parents explained what was happening. He vowed to remain at it's side until it's last breath, but after three hours he was just bored.
That bit always stuck with me.
Been there. Christ, it was hard. But the vet team left us alone for the end. The best of the worst situation, so to speak.
Ten years later and I still tear up at the memory of it.
Knowing I have the same experience coming in the near future sucks. But it's better than the alternative, I guess...
Talk to your vet. Senior dogs may have incontinent issues but just clean it up or put pads down.
You don't necessarily need others help.
When the time comes, just think of your pet and don't let them suffer. I let my little boy suffer at least a day longer than I should have because I couldn't say goodbye, but don't let your best friend sit in pain.
Don't feel bad if they have a medical issue that you can't pay for. That is common and doesn't make you a bad pet owner.
I've had to make the call on senior pets about four times now, and it's tough. Sometimes it's easier, when they're in visible and obvious pain and sometimes it's hard, when there's no one thing you can point to. The lovely home vet who helped my last senior kitty pass said it helps to keep track of the good days and bad days. If your pet is affectionate, playful, can get excited, that's a good day. If they hide, lie in quiet places and aren't interested in things they usually love then that's a bad day. When the majority of their days are bad days, it's time.
I wouldn't think your dog would have better care in a shelter, even if you're feeling guilty about being away a lot. Maybe there's a way to shift your schedule to have more time with your dog when he's most active, or maybe there's a local kid who wouldn't mind hanging out with your dog on certain days. It's worth exploring more options because a shelter will almost certainly be a worse experience for him.
If he seems happy and not in pain, then nothing is wrong. Consider setting up a nanny cam, so you can check on him throughout the day.
My personal rule for eol and my pets is whether or not they can enjoy the things they used to. Can't get into your window seat? Here are some stairs. Can't go up the stairs to your window seat due to pain...I'm afraid we need to go for a ride soon.
Went through something similar with my 17 year old cat. They hide their suffering so well but I could tell at the end he wasn’t having a good quality of life. My elder parents he was living with couldn’t bring themselves to make the call so I made the tough but necessary decision to humanely release his spirit from the failing meat machinery. Rest in peace Boots and thanks for taking care of mom and dad for me.
What if he could be fine with more support and money, should I give him back to animal rescue?
That's as tough a call to make as "the call" about his life. When I was in that spot with my last dog, it was during COVID so I was working from home and could be there for him. Thankfully, I got to go full time WFH after that, and I'm here for my senior dog currently as well (though she's got several good years ahead of her, and the puppy she wanted 2 years ago keeps her plenty active lol).
My only hesitation about surrendering to animal rescue is that sometimes senior dogs are hard to re-home. Whoever adopts them has to expect medical bills for their care and have time to care for them. Or, worse, they end up in a "bad" home where the new owner doesn't treat them as well or punishes them for things that have been fine all their life. Sadly, a lot of senior dogs can and do spend the rest of their days in a kennel at the rescue center which breaks my heart to think about (especially if they're currently in a loving home).
I don't know your situation well enough to give any advice (merely things to think about), but if at all possible, I'd say he's better off in your care than going back through the rescue system. If for no other reason than the shock of re-homing and losing what he considers his best friend (you). Personally, I would only consider surrendering as a last resort if I'm completely unable to care for him financially or otherwise.
Thanks for sharing. I think you’re right. I actually got him as a bit older and he’d already been in the sister for 6+ months. He’s lasted way longer and is healthier than they thought he would.
I often see people post about things like that in my neighbourhood network.
Ask around in your neighborhood and on next door or a similar online community. Especially in cities there are lots of people around who love dogs, but can't have one of their own. Some of them might be happy to spend some time with your dog during the day.
I actually did that for a while with a neighboring cat. Instead of hanging at home, I would just hang at their palce for a couple of hours in the afternoon to keep the cat company. This wasn't pet sitting, just spending quality time with a pet that would otherwise be alone for the whole day.
I have a Shih-tzu/Bichon that's about 17 now. She's missing most of her teeth, and has trouble with stairs, but still curious, excitable and ready to cuddle anyone who's willing. People walk past the house and think she's a puppy because they see her running to meet them.
Don't let a number like age worry you too much. Dogs would always prefer more time with their owners, but I don't think having some peace and quiet to lounge around while you're at work is doing any harm. He'd much rather have you for a few hours at night, than be left with strangers.
Best of luck to both of you!
I have a 15 year old (will turn 16 in November ) Shih Tzu who naps a lot of the day, but speed walks during walks and zips down the hall and performs a donut at the end.
You don’t need more money to take care of an aging pet.
You deal with the medical issues until you decide not to, then you put the pet down.
I just lost my dog after her needing people around pretty constantly. My partner and I can mostly arrange working from home, so the situation is not the same. What is the same is how you approach how your dog feels and how to tell when it's 'the time'.
You're probably the most important part of his life. The shelter might let him find a home that can care for him better or it might not (because people are hesitant to adopt older dogs with health issues). What they can't give is the stability he gets from staying with you. It really sucks that we can't ask them what they want. I know that my pup would never have chosen a longer life if it meant giving us up.
When is it time? There are resources online about how to judge quality of life. For us it was as simple as picking her favorite things to do and watching to see if she still wanted to do them.
I have second guessed myself a lot - should we have done more vet care, should we have spent more time with her, etc. You're in a hard situation. The decicions don't get easier and sometimes are no win. My advice is to make your decisions for him as best you can knowing that your best is not ever going to be the perfect ideal AND it will be good enough.
Thanks for your thoughtful response, very helpful.
There isn’t much one answer… I know how hard it can be.
As for being alone; how is he doing now, as far as being alone? Any chewing or destroying your stuff?
As far as letting go; we choose to put them down when they could no longer enjoy their lives. When they could not go out on their own; or when accidents happened more often than not.
It is never easy. It has torn me up every time.
As others have said/implied, you should have in inkling "when it's time". As long as the dog is still happy, it is cruel to put them down.
We had a 12 year old with back/knee issues. He had trouble getting up on his own towards the end, but there was always someone there to help. Then one day he couldn't stay up for more than 15 minutes. He was already on meds, and there weren't any options without him being miserable.
There are services like Rover that can come check on your pet and take them for a walk. It's fairly affordable in my experience. And as for when to say goodbye? If your pup is in pain or isn't enjoying life, look into a service like Peaceful Passage. They come to you and although it's great wrenching to say goodbye, they do a great job.
We went through this with our elderly pup during the height of COVID. Best of luck in whatever choice you make.
i wish i had advice to offer you, but i'm in a similar boat with my senior cat.
i was devastated when my senior dogs & cats passed away and i was able to weather it each time it happened thanks entirely to my other pets commiserating with me; my 16 year old cat is the last one left alive and he's been by my side through all of those deaths.
the bar for approval to get another pet from the shelter is far too high; too long; and too invasive were i live for my attempts to be successful, so i've only adopted pets that i found on the streets and those that others wanted to surrender to the shelter.
i'm on the spectrum which makes human relationships very difficult to create and maintain, which means that my cat is my life.
i cannot express how much i dread the inevitable day that i have to see him suffering once he gets ill and i have to decide to it's best to end his life.
i hope you're better prepared than i am.
I glad you have cat. I don’t know if we can ever be prepared.
Dogs who have formed a bond with a human should not be separated from the for long. It's actually cruel. Ask your local SPCA and prepare to learn a lot more about the pupper.
