this post was submitted on 31 Jul 2024
681 points (97.5% liked)

News

23259 readers
3936 users here now

Welcome to the News community!

Rules:

1. Be civil


Attack the argument, not the person. No racism/sexism/bigotry. Good faith argumentation only. This includes accusing another user of being a bot or paid actor. Trolling is uncivil and is grounds for removal and/or a community ban. Do not respond to rule-breaking content; report it and move on.


2. All posts should contain a source (url) that is as reliable and unbiased as possible and must only contain one link.


Obvious right or left wing sources will be removed at the mods discretion. We have an actively updated blocklist, which you can see here: https://lemmy.world/post/2246130 if you feel like any website is missing, contact the mods. Supporting links can be added in comments or posted seperately but not to the post body.


3. No bots, spam or self-promotion.


Only approved bots, which follow the guidelines for bots set by the instance, are allowed.


4. Post titles should be the same as the article used as source.


Posts which titles don’t match the source won’t be removed, but the autoMod will notify you, and if your title misrepresents the original article, the post will be deleted. If the site changed their headline, the bot might still contact you, just ignore it, we won’t delete your post.


5. Only recent news is allowed.


Posts must be news from the most recent 30 days.


6. All posts must be news articles.


No opinion pieces, Listicles, editorials or celebrity gossip is allowed. All posts will be judged on a case-by-case basis.


7. No duplicate posts.


If a source you used was already posted by someone else, the autoMod will leave a message. Please remove your post if the autoMod is correct. If the post that matches your post is very old, we refer you to rule 5.


8. Misinformation is prohibited.


Misinformation / propaganda is strictly prohibited. Any comment or post containing or linking to misinformation will be removed. If you feel that your post has been removed in error, credible sources must be provided.


9. No link shorteners.


The auto mod will contact you if a link shortener is detected, please delete your post if they are right.


10. Don't copy entire article in your post body


For copyright reasons, you are not allowed to copy an entire article into your post body. This is an instance wide rule, that is strictly enforced in this community.

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] MermaidsGarden 260 points 3 months ago (2 children)

I’ve had it up to here with people saying JD Vance had sex with a couch. How many times do I have to say there’s no evidence JD Vance had sex with a couch before people stop saying JD Vance had sex with a couch? Liberals must be pretty desperate to make up that JD Vance had sex with a couch. The story that on March 17, 2011 JD Vance was banned from a Cleveland area IKEA after so thoroughly deflowering a KIVIK Sofa Chaise that it had to be removed as a biohazard due to the various fluids in and around it, causing the night manager to not only quit but need intensive therapy is beyond the pale. Who would believe this? There is sworn. court. testimony. that JD Vance has not made bare skin contact with a couch within the past 5 years. That’s a fact. Look it up. The idea that this is because JD Vance cannot contain his overwhelming sexual urges in the presence of soft furniture is reckless conjecture. Calling JD Vance a couchfucker is slander and you need to take it back.

The Left™ will do anything to avoid talking about the real issues in this campaign, like the fact that Kamala Harris laughs sometimes.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 3 months ago (2 children)

It’s funny you say that. However it’s a Fox News person that’s asking for this.

load more comments (2 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 225 points 3 months ago (2 children)

JD Vance is too much of a coward to release the couch sex tape

#releasethecouchtape

[–] dogsnest 106 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 24 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Two males? Are they buttery?

[–] Viking_Hippie 17 points 3 months ago
[–] Nobody 49 points 3 months ago (6 children)

Why are they not releasing the couch sex tape? What are they hiding? Was there a loveseat involved?

[–] ThePantser 53 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Because the couch was underage.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (5 replies)
[–] [email protected] 148 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (2 children)

There's a lot to unpack in that statement:

“We don’t buy the hoaxes and believe the hype anymore,” he continued.

Yeah, Fox sells them, not buys them. Get your facts straight.

“Our eyes are wide open.

Uh-oh. That sounds pretty woke to me.

And if you’re gonna accuse someone of having sex with a couch, you better have video.” He then brought on a guest to discuss whether Harris has a chance at winning the election in November without further explaining his request for the video.

Yes, because you want to see it....for totally normal reasons.

[–] charles 68 points 3 months ago (13 children)
[–] IchNichtenLichten 31 points 3 months ago

Sofa king weird.

load more comments (12 replies)
[–] [email protected] 20 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

"Absolutely revolting claim! And where's the proof? The video? I need to see that horrible, disgusting video before I believe these claims! Show me-I mean us the video!"

[–] zigmus64 16 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

I mean… they can’t possibly miss the joke, can they? It fucking racks my brain, the density of these fuckwits sometimes. The whole reason this is still a thing is because they’re saying shit like, ‘If you accuse some of X, you’d better have proof.’

[–] [email protected] 69 points 3 months ago (6 children)

Hey guys, it’s time to mature up and admit that Vance probably did not have sex with a couch.

He made love to it. Also, the couch was totally asking for it.

[–] Jimmyeatsausage 27 points 3 months ago (1 children)

You know the couch was into it... When the couch doesn't want it, nature has ways of just shutting all that down.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

I heard the couch was dressed like a total loveseat, and wasn’t even wearing a cover.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (5 replies)
[–] [email protected] 67 points 3 months ago (7 children)

You know, until recently I thought that the golden days of Internet activism were over and we were mostly living in times where it was ridiculously easy to get things censored on the Internet.

Then something as stupid as this gets this amount of attention because of Internet users having way too much time and energy to spread it. WTF

[–] [email protected] 39 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (6 children)
[–] ours 26 points 3 months ago

Spread it like JD Vance's couch cushions.

load more comments (5 replies)
load more comments (6 replies)
[–] jordanlund 53 points 3 months ago (3 children)

The AP was correct to pull the article. Nobody can definitively say "J.D. Vance did not have sex with a couch" just that "J.D. Vance did not write about having sex with a couch in his memoir, 'Hillbilly Elegy'."

[–] FlyingSquid 25 points 3 months ago (8 children)

We don't even know he didn't write about it. All we can definitively say is that the story about J.D. Vance fucking a couch did not appear in the published edition of Hillbilly Elegy.

Did he fuck a couch? Did he write about fucking a couch? Only Vance can tell us for sure and he's probably too busy fucking a couch.

load more comments (8 replies)
load more comments (2 replies)
[–] frickineh 47 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Finally, a use case for AI that I can really get behind!

Kidding, please god no one deepfake that weirdo going to town on a totally innocent sofa. Fuckin nightmare fuel.

[–] ThePantser 21 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Rule 34, it's already a thing.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] formergijoe 45 points 3 months ago
[–] [email protected] 38 points 3 months ago

Tell them it's on Hunter's laptop and watch them implode!

[–] FlyingSquid 35 points 3 months ago (3 children)

Not to kink shame you, Jesse, but maybe keep what titillates you to yourself.

Anyway, by now there's bound to be porn with a Vance lookalike fucking a couch, so you'll get what you need for the most part.

[–] Dramaking37 20 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Did Jesse Walters have a fetish where he watches people fuck couches? I'm just asking questions here.

[–] FlyingSquid 19 points 3 months ago (3 children)

He never said he didn't have a fetish where he watches people fuck couches. Many people are saying he has a fetish where he watches people fuck couches.

load more comments (3 replies)
load more comments (2 replies)
[–] ikidd 35 points 3 months ago (5 children)

We've finally found a job for AI.

load more comments (5 replies)
[–] Etterra 31 points 3 months ago (1 children)

That sure is a weird-ass thing to ask for.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Viking_Hippie 28 points 3 months ago (3 children)

What is it with conservative hosts demanding porn?

First there was Rush Limbaugh pretending not to know what birth control is and now this.

Probably plenty of other examples in the meantime, but that's the especially heinous one that immediately came to mind.

[–] Gradually_Adjusting 18 points 3 months ago

They want to see the couch's outfit for themselves, of course. Perhaps it was asking for it.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] ChihuahuaOfDoom 27 points 3 months ago

For research guys, it's for research.

[–] sarcasticsunrise 26 points 3 months ago (2 children)

No wonder JD wants to make porn illegal. I'm almost with him if it means me not getting Rickrolled with a gif of him fucking a loveseat

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 25 points 3 months ago (5 children)

Anyone else hoping that a video surfaces just so we can make the conservatives watch it? Bonus points if he refers to the couch as Flipper while borking it.

load more comments (5 replies)
[–] drunkpostdisaster 23 points 3 months ago (5 children)

Would it help if I filmed myself fucking a couch and put a deep fake over it?

load more comments (5 replies)
[–] Coach 22 points 3 months ago

Purely for "research," right Fox?

[–] VantaBrandon 21 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Well if politics doesn't work out for JD there is always OnlyFans

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 20 points 3 months ago

JD Vance puts the "C" in LGBTQIA2SC.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 3 months ago (4 children)

Stark difference in the immediate memes that came out about Harris vs Vance. Coconut tree is quirky, couch is weird.

load more comments (4 replies)
[–] [email protected] 18 points 3 months ago

It's nice when the refuing-bullshit boot is on the other foot.

[–] dohpaz42 17 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Hi!👋 me again, don’t forget to:

Print photos of different couches or dolphins and mail them to any or all of these locations:

https://www.vance.senate.gov/office-locations/

Don’t forget to add little love notes. e.g., “Thinking of you 💋”

And, remember kids, drink your Ovaltine!

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 17 points 3 months ago

"JD Vance's couch tape" to the tune of "Hunter Biden's laptop"

load more comments
view more: next ›