this post was submitted on 14 May 2024
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House Speaker Mike Johnson describes himself as a Christian before anything else. He has said his “faith informs everything I do.” He has told people curious about his views to “pick up a Bible.” His wife reportedly runs a counseling service whose operating agreement, which he himself notarized, states, “We believe and the Bible teaches that any form of sexual immorality, such as adultery…is sinful and offensive to God.” He has said he and his son use a software program called Covenant Eyes to ensure neither is looking at porn.

Given all this, you may think that Johnson would not be comfortable showing up to a criminal trial to defend a guy who allegedly had an affair with an adult film star (according to the adult film star anyway, though Trump denies it), paid her to stay quiet about the alleged affair, and then was accused of covering up said payment. But you would think wrong!

On Tuesday, Johnson attended Donald Trump’s hush money trial in Manhattan, where—prior to the proceedings getting underway—the congressional leader nodded approvingly at Trump from behind a metal barrier, like a groupie at his favorite band’s concert.

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[–] FuglyDuck 163 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (2 children)

and is known to have shitloads of other affairs, and has been determined by a court to be a rapist.

Oh also he's a liar, a thief, a cheat. He's corrupt, he doesn't pay taxes or other bills and is a fucking traitor and oathbreaker.

also according to Mike's scriptures... Trump is a mass murderer. (the scriptures make it clear that murder is the only of the ten commandants that could be broken by inaction. for example, the parable of the good Samaritan, the reason that parable was offensive was that the two who did nothing both 'pillars of the community' types- a prominent and respected business man, and a priest- but they committed murder by not providing aid they could provide where the "dirty" Samaritan did.) (edit just to clarify, COVID trump could have saved millions of lives by countering the antivax narrative. or by encouraging masking. Or lockdowns. or just shutting the fuck up. he did not, and who knows how many people died as a result. biblically, Trump is a mass murderer.)

but details.

[–] [email protected] 70 points 7 months ago (5 children)

Trump is literally a Golden Calf, and Johnson is worshiping him.

Ugh now there's an image I have to get out of my head...

[–] FuglyDuck 14 points 7 months ago (1 children)

pretty sure the golden calf had more intelligence. Could be wrong, though.

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[–] alquicksilver 6 points 7 months ago

The only time I'm in favor of veal.

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 7 months ago

Who was it that said Trump “lacks the character and the moral center we desperately need again in the White House”? Cause Mike Johnson should listen to that guy.

[–] [email protected] 109 points 7 months ago (4 children)

The Evangelicals have addressed this.

David had Bathsheba's husband killed; Noah was a drunk; Lot had sex with his daughters. All were holy men, chosen by the Almighty to perform great deeds for the faith.

Sometimes the Lord chooses broken vessels.

This isn't satire, it's how they explain it.

https://www.vox.com/policy-and-politics/2018/3/26/17164268/stormy-daniels-donald-trump-bible-christian

[–] nucleative 30 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Apologetics is an amazing thing! You'll never guess how that one thing doesn't mean what you think it means, and I'm the sole authority to tell you why!

[–] [email protected] 12 points 7 months ago (2 children)

Yeah, self made man Obama who never looked at another woman after he married is a tool of Satan, and the guy who embodies all Seven Deadly Sins is the finest man alive.

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[–] [email protected] 26 points 7 months ago (2 children)

Lot was raped by his daughters in his sleep. And he was devastated and enraged when he found out.

[–] aquinteros 10 points 7 months ago (2 children)

wasn't he drunk as fuck ?! in his sleep is that even possible ?

[–] AeonFelis 15 points 7 months ago

is that even possible ?

Compared to everything else that happens in these stories?

[–] [email protected] 9 points 7 months ago

Lot had a particular set of skills, being absolutely wasted in his sleep was one of them.

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 7 months ago

I wish we didn't have to make the same brain-dead decisions. I surely don't respect it any.

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[–] [email protected] 42 points 7 months ago (2 children)

Complete hypocrisy is the norm for Christianity.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 7 months ago

I was gonna say this was on par for the modern Christianity as we know it. I don't think death threats are very Christian either but it seems that's been par for the course now.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 7 months ago

The definitive property of it you might say.

[–] Snapz 37 points 7 months ago

I wonder if the porn monitoring app he shares with his son gave a little beep today?

[–] Boddhisatva 35 points 7 months ago (6 children)

Accused of cheating on his wife...? Seriously? This is the best they could come up with? How about:

"Devout Christian Mike Johnson Shows Up to Hush Money Trial to Defend the Poster Child for the Seven Deadly Sins"

  • Lust: “I’m automatically attracted to beautiful — I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait,” Trump said. “When you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything. Grab ’em by the pussy. You can do anything.”

  • Gluttony: Trump's favorite McDonald's order: two Big Macs, two Filet-O-Fishes, and a large chocolate milkshake.

  • Greed: Do we really need examples?

  • Sloth: Trump ascribes to what has been described as the “battery” theory of, um, life force. Evan Osnos, in a profile of Trump in the New Yorker a few years back, described it thusly: “Other than golf, he considers exercise misguided, arguing that a person, like a battery, is born with a finite amount of energy.”

  • Wrath: “Lyin’ Cassidy said that I threw my lunch at the wall,” Trump wrote on his social network, Truth Social. “I actually threw it at Rudy Giuliani, and he ducked.”

  • Envy: We have a new ailment that has come onto the political scene and that is presidential jealousy. I don’t ever remember a current president taking constant and ongoing digs at a former president. Now, I can say that I have seen it. Almost since day one, Donald Trump has made disparaging and disrespectful remarks about Barack Obama.

  • Pride: Do we need examples? The man puts his name in gold letters on everything he touches.

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[–] TropicalDingdong 34 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (8 children)

See? How hard was it to make a title that was just the facts?

See how easy that was? CNN, NPR, AP, take notes.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 7 months ago

Should have said "alleged Christian".

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[–] nucleative 32 points 7 months ago (3 children)

The bible is not univocal. So saying "pick up a bible" to understand his views perhaps includes killing those who wear mixed fabrics and giving women instructions for abortions. Maybe it also includes killing his firstborn son whenever the voices say he should. Or maybe he doesn't think those parts mean what they say, but other parts do?

[–] Diplomjodler3 14 points 7 months ago

Correct. If you actually read the bible you know that all these people are just making it up as they go along. You will find some quote that supports whatever you're trying to say and you'll find some quotes for the opposite too.

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[–] Suavevillain 31 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Average modern Christian behavior at this point.

[–] madcaesar 8 points 7 months ago (2 children)

tHoSe aRe nOt rEaL cHrIsTiAnS!!

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[–] TIMMAY 28 points 7 months ago (2 children)

did he ask his son if it was okay for him to suck donald off?

[–] Son_of_dad 10 points 7 months ago (3 children)

I hope he's not allergic to mushrooms

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[–] [email protected] 27 points 7 months ago

If Trump weren't such an existential threat to our country, I'd be enjoying all his republican friends debasing themselves publicly in very humiliating situations.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 7 months ago (3 children)

He is a grifter. He is not truly devout, he doesn’t follow the Bible despite claiming that he does.

[–] GeekyOnion 11 points 7 months ago

My first thought when looking at the headline was, "Devout should be in quotation marks."

[–] [email protected] 9 points 7 months ago

He is a devout Christian. People should stop mistaking “devout” for “pious”, and “Cristian” for “humane”.

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[–] [email protected] 22 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I can see you haven't met many christians if you think this is hypocritical behavior.

Ghandi ? I like your Christ, you Christians are so unlike him.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 7 months ago (2 children)

Even if it is typical it is still hypocritical.

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[–] Buffalox 18 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

All Christians are hypocrites, it's simply not possible to follow the letter of the Bible because it's self contradictory, so the only way to be Christian is to be a hypocrite.
But even among religious/Christian hypocrites, Mike Johnson is a particularly bad one. So bad it's borderline insanity.

[–] Son_of_dad 17 points 7 months ago (14 children)

Not accused. I thought the sex was already a forgone conclusion, which is why this is about the illegal payoff for her to keep it quiet

[–] perviouslyiner 17 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (16 children)

Defense tried to say that it never happened, which opened the door to Stormy telling the jury about what was effectively a rape by the defendant. They probably didn't want to be arguing these facts, but that's where they ended up!

[–] [email protected] 11 points 7 months ago

They were put in a box by Trump's refusal to admit any guilt, even for things that are not crimes.

Any normal defense attorney would admit the fact that their client cheated on their wife and tried to cover it up. Those are not illegal, and are pretty defamatory, so you can have the judge exclude any testimony about the act.

Then it's just a boring documents case. The jury doesn't pay as much attention when the evidence is less interesting, so the prosecution's case seems weaker.

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[–] AeonFelis 16 points 7 months ago

There is a world of difference between "he didn't do it" and "so what if he did it?" and opened the link aiming to figure out which of these two kinds of defenses Johnson was trying to make - but his approach was not even relevant enough to the actual issue for that distinction to be meaningful.

[–] homesweethomeMrL 13 points 7 months ago

Reports of Johnson twerking for trump as he passed by could not be verified by press time.

[–] blazera 10 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Theres not a single teaching of christ amongst conservative politics.

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[–] not_that_guy05 8 points 7 months ago

When people start realizing that hypocrisy is nothing to the Alt-right, they will understand how Nazis came to power in Germany.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 7 months ago

Ah yes, Mike Johnson and Donald Trump. Pinnacles of American virtue, as evidenced by Americans electing them into office. Indeed, all of our politicians are examples of the best America has to offer.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

This is a violation of trump's gag order since it's just johnson acting as a ventriloquist's dummy for trump, so the speaker can shore up support on his right.

[–] Fedizen 7 points 7 months ago

Family Values (tm)

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