this post was submitted on 10 Jan 2024
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submitted 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) by cheese_greater to c/asklemmy
 

If you swallow appleseed(s)

Smoke some cigarettes. The smoke will suffocate the bacteria

—Mac

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[–] [email protected] 68 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (4 children)

"Respect your elders"

Nah they're the ones who destroyed the economy giving free rein to corporations, set the planet on fire, and let cops run loose murdering and stealing as they please, fuck them

[–] FMT99 41 points 11 months ago (2 children)

Not saying you're necessarily wrong but "Fuck em" seems to be the new mantra of our society on all levels. Doesn't bode well for the future.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 11 months ago (4 children)

That is because society on all levels deserves it. We need to stop with the expectation that people in certain jobs or positions deserve respect just because of their job or position. They only deserve respect if they earn it.

If they don't earn respect, fuck em.

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[–] [email protected] 8 points 11 months ago (1 children)
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[–] cheese_greater 7 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

I feel like this is going to have [excellent] synergy with my boundary posts :)

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[–] [email protected] 60 points 11 months ago (1 children)

"You've got to love him -- he's your brother, after all."

Yeah, he's my brother who would get angry and destroy all my things when we were young, my brother who sexually abused my youngest sibling, my brother who launched into a homophobic rant against my mom during a time when she had cancer, a brother who cheated on and verbally and physically abused his first wife, a brother who probably drove my nephew to suicide.

No, fuck him. I don't love him, and I never will.

[–] Bakachu 7 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Yeah I'd say that's got to be triggering to hear. How do you respond to "advice" like that normally? Assuming it's from someone who actually knows your brother.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 11 months ago (3 children)

I never have any response that's likely to be edifying or helpful, so I typically respond with, "Well, I don't," and try to disengage. That's usually enough.

[–] bizzle 9 points 11 months ago

If you take a level of rogue you can disengage as a bonus action

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[–] [email protected] 52 points 11 months ago (2 children)

“Walk it off”

— coach

No, my torn ligaments need to rest and heal, asshole, not to endure further trauma. Get me some ice!

[–] cheese_greater 7 points 11 months ago

Puttin' it on ice, bitches

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[–] [email protected] 38 points 11 months ago

Anything regarding loyalty to an employer or insurance company

[–] [email protected] 38 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (1 children)

"If you were just more positive you'd not be complaining about being depressed all the time".

And/or

"Have you tried just being happy for once?"

[–] [email protected] 12 points 11 months ago (3 children)

Aka fake it til you make it

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[–] just_change_it 35 points 11 months ago (4 children)

Hard work always pays off.

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[–] paddirn 30 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (2 children)

"Undercover Cops have to tell you if they're a cop," or other variations I remember hearing all throughout high school.

Somehow though, organized crime hasn't figured out this one simple trick to ferreting out undercover cops in their midst, just ask them.

Also: "Don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die."

[–] Caboose12000 9 points 11 months ago (2 children)

that second one seems way outta left field to me, what kinda contexts is that used in?

[–] surewhynotlem 27 points 11 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 13 points 11 months ago (1 children)

A one word answer that covers so many questions.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 11 months ago (3 children)
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[–] [email protected] 30 points 11 months ago (6 children)
[–] ilmagico 16 points 11 months ago

One thing that's sure to make things worse is to tell an angry person to "calm down"...

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[–] MIDItheKID 25 points 11 months ago (1 children)

YOLO

It's like a mantra for bad decision making. But it should really be used the opposite way. Like... I better put my seat belt on because YOLO.

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[–] [email protected] 25 points 11 months ago (1 children)

"Don't believe everything you read on the internet"

  • Benjamin Franklin
[–] cheese_greater 8 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I thought Wayne Gretsky said that...🤔

[–] surewhynotlem 10 points 11 months ago (2 children)

"Nope, it was Franklin" -Abraham Lincoln

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[–] [email protected] 23 points 11 months ago

If something bad happens, just try to forget it. You'll feel better!

[–] [email protected] 22 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (2 children)

Burn your garbage. Burning garbage makes smoke that goes up into the sky and becomes stars.

[–] cheese_greater 13 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (1 children)

I wanna say its wrong but I don't know enough about star formation to dispute it?!

[–] Rhynoplaz 11 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Really, EVERYTHING originated from star dust, so you're just returning it to the source!

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[–] Fluffy_Ruffs 8 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Smoking cigarettes will suffocate the toxins in the apple skins sitting in your stomach.

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[–] PrimarilyPrimate 21 points 11 months ago (6 children)

If I pick up something that is too heavy my uterus will fall out.

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[–] nikosey 19 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (1 children)

if you ask a police officer for a piece of candy then legally they have to give you one

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[–] eran_morad 19 points 11 months ago (4 children)
[–] Mrkawfee 7 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

It's so simple. Why didn't I think of that before!

/S

[–] [email protected] 7 points 11 months ago

Do what you love for a job and you'll turn what you want to do into what you have to do.

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 11 months ago (3 children)

"Snitches get stitches."

How do you expect conflict resolution to work?

[–] [email protected] 13 points 11 months ago

With stitches..

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 11 months ago

"Count your blessings."

Useless fucking platitude that's synonymous with "You aren't the person who is absolutely the worst off, so being upset with your lot is inappropriate."

See also "At least you have your health."

[–] [email protected] 11 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Don't try to bullshit me, I'm a bullshit artist.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 11 months ago (1 children)

If I ever told my dad, "are you shitting me?", he'd reply with, "I'd never shit you, you're my favorite turd."

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[–] TechyDad 9 points 11 months ago (1 children)

My company switched up retirement plans and they held a seminar to explain them. The person running the seminar said that we should be putting 15% of our salaries into retirement.

Nice idea, but if I put 15% of my salary into retirement, then I wouldn't be able to pay my bills. I'm not living extravagantly or anything (buying something for $20 for my enjoyment seems like a splurge to me). Still, whenever I seem to be getting on a better financial footing, life throws me a curve ball. Need new hearing aids ($3,600). New a new dryer ($750). Might need a new car soon.

So either I need to be paid a lot more, I will be working until I'm 90, or I put away the money and go deep into debt but can retire. (Just kidding. I'm nearing 50. I likely won't have enough to retire. Maybe when I'm 80.)

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[–] [email protected] 8 points 11 months ago

I think a lot of people here misread 'favorite' as 'least favorite'

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