Ask Lemmy

I promise a lot of men want this.

In a word, fuckyeah.

Uh, yes, definitely. A lot of guys would like this.

I'm okay with this as long as the attitude is loving and not demeaning. But I'd probably need her to be okay with it being a level playing field, and her being fine with me leading when I feel I need to.

I was once in a relationship with a woman who didn't know how to hand off the reigns. It was tiring. But I'd love to date someone who is confident enough to switch roles whenever each other needs to.

Yes and it sounds pretty good to me, although I'd draw the line at pegging 🫠

Yes pls.

Yeah, I would definitely be down with that. The only thing I really want out of a relationship is snuggles because sleeping alone feels so... empty.

Only minor note is that I've been in relationships before where, for reasons beyond my control, I was unable to make an income. It doesn't matter to me whether I'm the "breadwinner", but not being able to financially support my other at all was horrible. I don't know if that's universal for guys but I would imagine mostly yes.

Yes. There would certainly be some friction points, but I'd much rather take care of my home and family instead of working.

I'm a bi man and love masculine women and feminine men. So having the typical roles switched sounds like a dream

Hey!

Sure. At least I don't think I will be salty about having the inferior wage.
Dunno about the protection part though. I would personally hope that even the weaker partner would shield me from bad things as well as the strong partner.

To an extent this is my marriage. My wife and I both own our own companies. Mine is much more established and therefore offers me some leeway on my in office time (I'm an accountant). This means I often spend more time taking care of our children. I also cook, make grocery store trips, clean (to an extent), etc. She still helps around the house which isn't ad much as it used to be. But I see her working her ass off so I don't complain.

As for protecting me....no. I'm a pretty large dude. 6'3" 250. So unfortunately when things go bump in the night ya boi gets to go investigate.

I would be surprised if there weren't men that enjoyed or wanted this role - even if few admitted it.

To answer your question,. absolutely! In an equal relationship, you'd kinda expect it now and again for the small wins in your life. In a relationship where someone wishes to play the more dominant role it can shift.

Absolutely. My partner and I have traded those roles more than once.

Already taken, sorry. She makes the money, I make the food.

Sometimes, this is the case with my wife and I. We have kind of a fluid relationship. Each of us have things going on in our lives and one of us sometimes can't contribute to the household as much as the other.

When my wife was in college, I worked a shitload and was the bread winner. Now I'm in college and not working much at all and she is the breadwinner. Our marriage is hardly ever a 50/50, but we both understand this and I'm confident it's one of the main reasons we are so great together.

I’m actually in a similar relationship, though not due to design or will, just life and happenstance.

My so has a great job with good schedule and it’s her “soul” job, not sure what the word is in English but maybe you understand.

I’m, on the other hand, struggling with finding a career I could sustain. I have ADHD so it’s kinda tough, but we make it work perfectly.

Nowadays I study an engineering degree, so I’m home keeping the place neat and cooking for her and all that, and she provides the funds for all kinds of fun activities and all the rest you know, food and such included. I don’t mind, though at first my toxic masculinity kind of fought against that and I had a period of feeling bad about it. But we talk a lot and are good with it, so we went through it and it’s been nice since.

But I can imagine it’s hard for a man without prior experience of such a situation, to acclimate. But I think everyone can acclimate to it and get used to it. Just need to have very good communication to get through the first rough couple of months.

Those are good behaviors regardless of whether they are considered masculine or feminine. In my mind femininity is inclusive of the strong beauty archetype. A highly capable person can be both a great leader and a great follower depending on the context.

I Would LOVE THAT

Even if I can take care of myself, there is something quite comforting in that role reversal.

Although I don’t really want a relationship with anybody again, but hypothetically this wouldn’t bother me at all.

Follow-up question for anybody who might stumble upon it:

What are your thoughts on women doing the proposing? Would you mind it, personally?

That's my dream, and I actually had such relationships in the past.

For all intents and purposes, there are actually more men than women who want that, so you're on a great side of it!

Just look for role reversal/female-led relationships, or even in gentle femdom communities (though the latter is sexual, the community of it highly intersects with the other two).

I haven't gone so far as "let's completely switch roles, you be the man and I'll be the woman. You pay at restaurants and when something goes bump in the night I'll sit here in bed holding the blanket to my chest while you go downstairs with the baseball bat." Never occurred to me.

I used to think I'd like it if women would approach me, ask me out, initiate sex, that sort of thing. Until a few of them tried. To put it mildly, there seems to be a widespread moderation problem. To put it bluntly, I have heard more women say "rape me" than "hey would you like to go out with me sometime?" It's either that or "hints." "Hints" aren't hints, they're intentionally failed attempts at communication.

When most of the women I've been with just outright ignored questions like "what do you like in bed?" "What do you want to do?" "Do you like that?" it makes me stop trusting them. "I don't know I'm a repressed farm girl from a rural county in a red state, I was taught that enjoying sex isn't something I'm physically capable of doing" is something I can work with at least in theory. But "Do you like that?" and it doesn't even register on her face that I've spoken...that screams "I'm using sex against you" louder than her voice ever could.

So yeah any fantasy of a woman who takes an active role was dumped in the same mass grave as my fantasy of flying an X-wing. I'm grown up enough now to know that these things just can't exist in the real world. In the real world I've had women that sometimes said "maybe I guess" and I've flown a few Cessnas and LSAs.