Ask Lemmy

I cancelled to go to a thank you dinner that was organised for a thing I volunteer at. It was a few hours before and I was feeling really sick but up until that point I didn't think it was that bad. Most people in the group chat said to feel better soon but one of the organisers posted a whole thing about taking responsibility and informing at least two days beforehand since they weren't able to cancel for me with the restaurant last minute. I didn't say anything but that was really hurtful. As if I were choosing to be sick to inconvenience them??

When my brother-in-law thanked me for not coming to visit my other in-laws because "well, it's a bit awkward".

It, in this case, being that I was the wrong race to marry his sister.

This is a good question! Honestly I can't even think of a time. Usually when someone says something insulting or hurtful, I just lose respect or consideration for them. After all, it says more about them than it does about me.

To add an example, I recently got told to "go back to my country you [lazy racial slurs]" by a MAGA loving shithead neighbor.

I was born here, and the old asshole who said it emigrated here less than a decade ago. It was a flabbergasting experience.

Had a homeless guy get right in my face and shouted UGLY!

I know that probably has more to do with his life than mine, but it's hard not to take it personally and wonder if it's what everyone else is too polite to say.

When I was told to get lost and go back to China because the pandemic reliefs were for the fellow countrymen.

My manager introduced me at a company picnic to the guy who hired him years ago. We no longer worked in his org, but he was still someone who my boss admired. The guy had already had a few drinks and reached out to shake my hand. On my way to shake his, he happened to glance at my badge (I forgot I even still had it on) and noticed I’m a contractor.

“Oh, you’re a contractor?” As he immediately withdraws his hand. “Are you at least working to go full-time?”

He literally never shook my hand. It’s been over a year and I don’t think I’ll ever forget that. What a dick.

I used to be less-than-feeling-bothered about how a lot of people feel about my asexuality, I always thought it was just a simple hiccup in the science community, but over time let's just say the revelations have sunk in as disheartening. I've been a pariah because of it, it's the most common talking point when I see people jab at me, and even amongst acquaintances I'm told they're dismissive of anyone saying they're asexual.

Psychiatrists have told me it's a flaw of mine, family members would think of me suspicious for it, and when I later found out the acquaintances of mine (who I still consider friends to an extent) are into Jordan Peterson (you probably know where this is going), I though "maybe I can paraphrase this great genius in their presence to help my case", only to realize he is no genius and actually champions the idea of asexual dismissal. Pardon my French, but how hard is it to effing say "intimacy is NOT a given?"

Up until recently, asexuality hasn't had any widespread slurs, but the label "worthless" really does it when you want a deep connection just like everyone else. Recently however, some slurs have developed, though for obvious reasons you'll have to look them up, as this is Lemmy.

My mother told me that she hated me. After a really dumb argument we had, as adults. I still talk to her and play nice in front of our siblings but I haven't forgiven her and I don't think I ever will. I lost a lot of love for my mother in a single day and then nothing anyone has said to me since has ever matched or beaten that feeling. How do you trump your own mother hating you? She moved on like she never said it. No apologies. Never mentioned it. You can call me every name and slur and hang me for all my fuckups and oddities, but you can't hurt me. I'm already at 0 HP emotionally

My husband recently said that I had a nice ass when I was younger, but currently it's "just something that happens to some women when they get older." I'm 40.

I've only been offended at my work place once ever. I worked with another guy for years. We got along decently and I even went to bat against a senior in our company for him. When he retired he refused to shake my hand and my congratulations for retirement.

I still have no idea why he refused but that one got to me. I didn't even have bugle dust on my fingers!

In real life or....? I'm insulted pretty much daily on here by some dipshit or another. In reality? Less. But as a queer person living in an area full of conservatives I overhear "removed" said a lot. Generally not at me, but it's still offensive and it makes me uncomfortable being around people who yell it at random people on the street as they drive by.

The time this one dude lied to me with my friend so he'd have an excuse to talk to me. He wanted to get to know me and couldn't fathom walking up and striking a conversation like a normal person so he asked my friend to pretend that they knew each other for a long time when I got back from the restroom. I found out when things weren't adding up. I felt so manipulated that I had to walk out of the club to clear my head.

Many times by my mom. Recently in reference to me balding, she said "you look like a <family name>, that's too bad". It was so bad even my dad did a double take.

As a marginalized person, it tends to occur more often than not; but, it's not like that's necessarily unusual.

Back when I was in high school, a friend of mine introduced me to his friend. This kid, knowing that I'm Jewish, started to go on a rant ending with "the only thing Hitler did wrong was not finishing the job!"

Him saying that me and my family should be killed for the "crime" of being Jewish... Well, offended seems too light of a word. I blew right past offended and landed in ANGERED.

Now, usually, I'm a pretty relaxed guy. I typically don't get angry even if I should. But this made me want to punch the guy right in his Hitler loving face. My friend had to hold me back.

(And before anyone asks, this wasn't the kid being "edgy" or trolling me to get a reaction. He actually worshipped Hitler and thought he was a great man.)

I had a girlfriend, and for a short time a wife, who was really religious. That's fine, but she had a real problem with the fact I wasn't religious, and she wouldn't remove herself from my life, no matter how many times I told her that it wasn't going to work.

She would tell me that I wasn't a complete human because I wasn't religious.

I cannot go into depth about it but I had an issue with some stuff and talked to the people responsible about it. Was told to expect a response that never came. Someone else then told me about discussions that were happening behind the scenes and how one potential fix was floated. Said fix being something that didn't address the core problem but was instead a pat on the head and a lollipop to me so that they could keep doing thing anyway.

If you don't wanna address the issue that's fine but don't insult me by floating something that doesn't listen to anything I've said and addresses a problem that doesn't exist.

I have it happen far to often unfortunately but for me when I tell someone how I am feeling and they respond "no you dont" or "I don't think you do" completely dismissing my feelings all together.

I don't care about the opinion of people I wouldn't ask for advice