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Fellow Martians, what is something Earthlings do that makes no sense to you? (self.asklemmy)

submitted 1 year ago by Tolstoshev to c/asklemmy

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[–] fubo 37 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Wheeled earthlings are brightly colored, often ornamented as predators, and are clearly capable of killing -- but they cannot feed themselves; they rely entirely on bipedal earthlings to suck food from the ground, prepare it, and feed them through tubes.

Also: When a wheeled earthling kills a prey animal such as a deer, bipedal earthlings typically regard that prey animal as cursed and do not eat it, even though it is made of meat. Bipedals only eat prey animals that have been killed by bipedals, whether in the wild or in specialized killing structures.

[–] Tolstoshev 10 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Even the ones that are based on an electrical metabolism mostly need bipedals to feed them. Although there is some evidence they can feed on their own with an alternative carnivore metabolism, as can be seen in this reputable earthing publication:

https://www.theonion.com/self-driving-tesla-regurgitates-pedestrian-to-feed-offs-1850797094

[–] surewhynotlem 9 points 1 year ago

Ah yes, The Onion. A well known Earthling cooking website. I have tried to ingest an onion once. It was unpleasant.

[–] TheWoozy 26 points 1 year ago (2 children)

They are made of meat! They blow air through their vibrating meat tubes to communicate. So gross!

[–] FooBarrington 8 points 1 year ago

"We're supposed to talk to meat?"

"That's the idea. That's the message they're sending out by radio. 'Hello. Anyone out there? Anyone home?' That sort of thing."

"They actually do talk, then. They use words, ideas, concepts?"

"Oh, yes. Except they do it with meat."

"I thought you just told me they used radio."

"They do, but what do you think is on the radio? Meat sounds. You know how when you slap or flap meat it makes a noise? They talk by flapping their meat at each other. They can even sing by squirting air through their meat."

https://www.mit.edu/people/dpolicar/writing/prose/text/thinkingMeat.html

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

That's some beezalcraftian horror.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 year ago

You know when humans do this? waves tentacle wildly

jajajajajajaja

[–] slazer2au 22 points 1 year ago

ACK ACK ACK ACK, ACK ACK ACK? ACK ACK ACK ACK.

ACK ACK ACK we come in peace ACK ACK ACK ACK ACK ACK.

[–] Wabbitsmiles 22 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Money

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Yes!

[–] Ghostalmedia 2 points 1 year ago

You like money too?

[–] marlamin 4 points 1 year ago

Sad they can't get past that boring old system

[–] BleatingZombie 20 points 1 year ago

They wear all of their squishy bits on the OUTSIDE of their skeletons. It's like they're asking to get injuries

We all know we're working towards "crab". They're not even close

[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Earthers had a garden and they paved it.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 year ago

To put up a parking lot of all things!

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 year ago

Their houses are all wrong. They make 'em weak and they stick out of the landscape like a eyesore. "Oooo, look at me, look at my house" and almost every single human wants a house like that. Houses shouldn't attract attention. If they do, you're doing it wrong. Do you think a bird is safer or more exposed with a bright pink nest?

Hobbits, on the other hand, got it right. Sadly they seem to be very rare as I've yet to see a real one. I've only ever seen humans appropriating their architecture.

[–] Ghostalmedia 13 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Why do they simply not eat the weakest of their young?

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago (1 children)

They procreate so slowly, they often only have a single child every few years. They can't really tell which one is the weakest at that rate.

[–] Ghostalmedia 3 points 1 year ago

Colonies of humans can have tens of thousands of nests. Just gather all the young from the colony, sort them by age, and have the battle.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago

As a martian, I get all the water I want from fog, but earth seems to like to drown in it. Water is a greenhouse gas people!

[–] kozel 13 points 1 year ago

The calendar on Earth must be boring. Only one moon!

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 year ago

i cannot stand the amount that they talk. constant mouth sounds, just to fill the silence. communication is very important but many of them seek to communicate nothing at all.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago

They keep trying to go to Mars. There’s a reason I left the place!

[–] JustZ 9 points 1 year ago

Sometimes males of the native species just pee onto the ground, they don't even try to reclaim and drink it.

[–] Markimus 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Expose themselves to the sun. Like... what?

[–] Tolstoshev 5 points 1 year ago

And they haven’t even figured out how to cure cancer yet!

[–] Sukisuki 7 points 1 year ago

Aerobic respiration is overrated

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago

They don't use Illudium Q 36 explosive space modulators. I'll never understand how they manage

[–] NeoNachtwaechter 5 points 1 year ago

These earthlings dig their eggs in small holes in the ground??

https://youtu.be/yGnYLXlfjbU?si=yOez4nwXgrt46tcd

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago

Having corporeal bodies. They can't even [error in text parser] their [error in text parser] or, god forbid, [error in text parser].

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

Trampolines

[–] expatriado -3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

first!

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago

Exactly! Why do some humans go out of their way to be the predator sacrifice?