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There's some sort of ongoing issues with our hosting provider. We're trying to get to the bottom of it

Rather than just banning trans folk who don't align with their politics, or targeting their political ideas, Hexbear actively enables dogpiling and harassing of individual trans folk

That's not the behaviour of "the most trans positive instance", especially given that Hexbears political ideology is fringe at best, making the majority of trans people valid targets for its harassment.

Don't get me wrong. Hexbear is incredibly supportive of its trans folk. It's why I tried to make federation with them work for so long. But it's only supportive of its own trans folk. If you don't align with their political stance, you get harassment, not support.

'Dunking' on them is a pittance in comparison

This statement is at odds with the claim that they're the most trans inclusive instance around.

Hexbear is incredibly protective of trans folk that share its views, but it green lights active harassment of trans folk not in that group.

An instance that is ok with harassment of some trans folk isn't as protective as you're claiming.

Transphobe has been banned

They stop stinging after a while. I mean, you might never feel great about them, but for me at least, the urge to burn them in a fire went away after a few years. Now, I don't bring them up for no reason, but if it's relevant, I'm happy to bring out an old photo of me pre transition

Which is to say, keep them. You can't unthrow them away later. But you can simply never look at them again, even if you keep them

People here will be salty about me saying it but I think they’re the most trans positive instance. I say this as someone that looks at everything trans related from lemmy.ml on purpose so I can check in on everyone

Hexbear is very inclusive to trans people that align with its ideology, but it actively allows harassment and "dunking" of anyone, including trans people, who don't align with its ideology. In my opinion, it's hard to be the most inclusive trans instance when you are only inclusive of some trans people, and are willing to harass the rest.

I've edited the post.

I'm sorry you feel that way. I'd like to take the chance to explain a little bit.

I've had multiple requests to ban LibertyHub from people who see strong left opinions as being trolls or inauthentic. I've refused every time, because I'm not going to remove queer folk from a queer space for genuinely held beliefs over politics that directly impact them.

The same goes for non voters. There are left wing folk who think that voting for a president that encourages genocide is the best option in the limited options available, and they think that pushing back against this president will lead to more harm than encouraging people to support him, and so, they have strong reactions to people who disagree.

Yes, the non voters community was a direct response to liberty hub, because of these two political positions. But it too, is a community run by queer folk, with genuinely held beliefs, and the space is allowed to exist only as long as it does not target specific lemmy users or communities. They can push back against political ideals they disagree with, not against the users or communities professing those ideals. Hexbear has a similar community that doesn't have this limitation, and explicitly dunks on people, not just political ideals, and that was something I wanted to avoid here.

My options are

1. Ban politics. This is unrealistic, and unhelpful, given how much politics is impacting our community at the moment

2. Enforce a particular political perspective. If I were to choose to moderate in line with my own political perspectives (which are closer to libertyhub than 196 or non voters), it would split the community even further, and fragment queer and gender diverse community on lemmy in to spaces that don't prioritise their needs. I won't have that. We're dealing with enough shit already.

3. Allow both groups to exist, and deal with the tension that comes from it. This is the only option that keeps the community in one piece, and able to talk about topics that are directly impacting our lives at the moment. It's also the option that creates the greatest amount of tension from day to day, but unfortunately, I don't have a solution for that.

Can you link me to the post on blahaj.zone please?

That thread was removed by a community mod and I can't find any examples of deliberate misgendering in remaining posts.

I will action deliberate misgendering, but in this case, the posts have already been removed.

And yet, my brain still slaps me with that sweet sweet imposter syndrome like "how can you be trans if what you want is making you uncomfortable" and so on.

You have spent literally your entire life, drowned in anti trans messaging. And somehow, here you are, telling the world who you are anyway. That's not the experience of an imposter. That's the experience of a trans person trying to deal with a lifetime of negative indoctrination. Even when we recognise it for what it is, it still impacts us, because that's how indoctrination works.

It's going to take time to work through all of this, and undo some of that damage. Give yourself permission to work through it. It might be two steps forward, one step back, but you'll get there :)

So. How long did it take you? Did it just click for you or was it just as uncomfortable as it is for me?

One day, you'll realise that you haven't thought about it for days. Thats when you'll know it's clicked :)