this post was submitted on 25 Jan 2025
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Not The Onion

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[–] teft 156 points 2 days ago (5 children)

The dude gets weekly dick injections which he classifies as 9.5 out of 10 on a pain scale.

Weekly.

Dude is a fucking moron.

[–] kescusay 80 points 2 days ago (9 children)

9.5 out of 10. In his dick.

Has anyone asked him why he wants to live forever if that's what it takes?

[–] DharkStare 69 points 2 days ago (3 children)

"You get to live forever but in exchange you have to get incredibly painful injections in your dick on a daily basis."

Sounds like a cursed genie wish.

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[–] teft 45 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Right? Miss me with that dick pain immortality.

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[–] Zorque 25 points 2 days ago

Probably because he knows he can't take his wealth with him in death.

What's the point of being pointlessly wealthy if you can't be pointlessly wealthy forever?

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 day ago

It sounds like the dude just has a CBT fetish and doesn't want to admit it.

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[–] [email protected] 102 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (4 children)

These erections are rigged!

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[–] [email protected] 59 points 2 days ago (7 children)

I'm about to be 40. I smoke. I don't exercise. I eat like shit.

I get erections like I was still in puberty and am horny pretty much 24/7. When the fuck does this shit stop?

[–] Clinicallydepressedpoochie 9 points 1 day ago

Hey, for real, tho. You should quit smoking. Just get the starter pack of chantix, follow the directions, and be sure to eat before taking it. It's really not that hard and the stupid chantix side effects go away once you stopped taking it.

I want to see this happen. You can do it. And if trump brings down the whole house we can both go grab a pack of cigs.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 day ago

I'm 47 and still get morning wood and very horny 24/7 it's normal for you if it's always been how you are.

Just so you know though. I exercise and eat right. Smoking, not exercising and eating like shit are all taxes against your future self.

[–] [email protected] 41 points 2 days ago (1 children)

When depression sets in...

[–] MutilationWave 18 points 2 days ago (6 children)

Especially when you take certain meds for it...

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[–] Horsey 11 points 1 day ago

why would you want it to stop...?

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[–] cabron_offsets 7 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (12 children)

Jesus fuck. Why would anyone want to live forever, anyway?

[–] Tangent5280 10 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Would you like to live one extra year than your otherwise normal lifespan? Yeah?

Yeah that's pretty much why.

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[–] kSPvhmTOlwvMd7Y7E 11 points 1 day ago (2 children)

If your oncle on FB does its wierd , but once your wierd oncle becomes milliardaire, he ll be called Anti Aging Zealot all over Internet

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[–] FrowingFostek 8 points 1 day ago

Immortality is a daily pain in the dick.

[–] [email protected] 67 points 2 days ago (1 children)

i saw him on two separate youtube channels: Magnus Midtbø (norwegian climber) and Will Tennyson (bodybuilding vlogger)

in both cases, they were invited by Bryan Johnson to his lair, going through his routine. it felt like a surreal cringe fest of zero social awareness. Bryan was permanently looking for some kind of validation, comparing his skills to his guest, or asking the various personal trainers / doctors if he beat some younger age category, etc.

everything he does can't be healthy and i wouldn't call what he does "living". he's bound to a 24h program where everything is planned down to the minute.

[–] notsoshaihulud 5 points 1 day ago

Dorian Gray's dilemma.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 day ago (7 children)

I couldn't get through more than about a paragraph before getting prompted to subscribe so I'm still little confused.

Why get measurements of your child's erections in the first place? How does this son feel about his PHI being shared all over the internet? Hard to imagine anyone being okay with that.

[–] [email protected] 49 points 1 day ago (1 children)

i didn't get any prompts, and read the article, so i'll quickly answer.

  1. the guy is obsessed with penile behaviour as a measure of overall health, for some reason, and measured the nocturnal boners of himself, as well as his 19 year old son, as a point of comparison.
  2. the son shared his dick metrics himself. seems he's well and fully invested in his father's phallocentric longevity scheme.
[–] FrowingFostek 20 points 1 day ago

Phallocentric longevity scheme is my new band name. PLS!

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[–] [email protected] 46 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (5 children)

I don't mind this guy. He's basically committing his time, money, and body towards being a guinea pig exploring means that could benefit us all. I do understand there are some arguments to be had about some less-than-scientific approaches to his experiments, but I don't think it totally negates the value.

Also, oh no, talking openly about penis health is uncomfortable to puritanical Western norms.

[–] [email protected] 46 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Talking about your dick is one thing. Talking about your sons dick and using your sons blood is just fucking creepy. Hope the kid gets good therapy for this crazy shit.

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[–] cabron_offsets 4 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

This isn’t really about dick problems, though. Check the news, check socials, many people are perfectly fine these days talking about dick problems and scientifically accepted solutions.

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[–] youvegotmoxie 46 points 2 days ago (4 children)

Sucks for this guy. I’m close to his age, I drank and smoked heavily for years and I look about the age he does

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[–] [email protected] 30 points 2 days ago

While I do kind of like the idea of having data on random bodily functions like erections, can't say I'd be willing to share that data with my parents or the world.

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA 7 points 1 day ago
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