“Dear Mars, I was unable to enjoy my recently purchased Mars Bar as it was missing the trademark thick veins running down its shaft.”
this post was submitted on 30 Nov 2024
499 points (97.5% liked)
Not The Onion
12625 readers
1422 users here now
Welcome
We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!
The Rules
Posts must be:
- Links to news stories from...
- ...credible sources, with...
- ...their original headlines, that...
- ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”
Comments must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.
And that’s basically it!
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
"Dear BBC, thanks for the illustrated article on our product. Our advertising and PR manager says it's the best £2 we've spent all year'
Are you thanking the Big Black...Candybar or the British Broadcasting Corporation?
Yes
👍🏼
👍🏿
It certainly does feel like they are pushing their confectionary product down our throats.
Edit: grammar
How is a Mars bar a fuckin quid now?!?
How is a Mars bar a fuckin quid now?!?
You think that's nuts.
It's 9 quid for two ass creams with the chewing gums innit.
£9 for two ass creamings, chewing gum or no, is a bargain
As an uncultured American, I honestly don't know how else to read that comment.
The thing that's breaking my brain right now is the price of spam
I recently had a broken fridge and had to live off non-refrigerated items for a while. It's more expensive to eat tinned meats (corned beef, spam etc.) than it is to eat fresh/frozen meats. That broke me a bit.
It doesn't just come in the can naturally like a nut bro...
Someone has to put it in that can, that costs money
The less people buying it, the more expensive it is, because the fixed costs are spread out among less consumers.
That can't be true. I've seen the spam fields, bushes sprawling up to the horizon, tins glittering in the sun like melons after a morning rain...
Ah, that brings a tear to my eye to think about. I grew up on a SPAM farm and worked it through my formative years. So many good memories working that patch. You know it’s gonna be hard work, but rewarding, when they start to lose their metal shine and ripen into a blueish hue. It’s time for harvest when the letter-like pattern deepens to a rich yellow.
Gosh, I feel sad for folks who’ve never peeled and bitten into a fresh SPAM fruit right there in the field.
load more comments
(1 replies)
It's because a quid is worth much elss that it used to be, not because a mars bar is worth more (although I'm sure some of it is increased profit margins masked as inflation gouging customers too)
Hey, American here. I watch tons of old British telly and I thought i had a good understanding of currency terms but now I'm confused. I thought a quid is just another word for a pound?
While im here, is pence-pennies,tuppence-2 pennies, a shilling-like a dime or something,bob-just slang for pound? Plus you guys had the euro sort of wander in before brevity, it's all so confusing.
I think of quid as the british equivalent of "bucks"
But a buck is 1$, and the post states 2£ compensation? Or did it cost 1£? That's where I am confusion.
It cost a quid and he got two back so he can buy two mars bars.
load more comments
(1 replies)
Tuppence is two pence, and nobody says it anymore. Shilling was twelve pence in old money. Farthing was a quarter penny. Ha'p'ny was a half penny. Bob was another word for a shilling. Crown was 60 pence, which was a quarter of a pound. Now we just have pounds and pence/pennies. It's much simpler.
load more comments
(5 replies)
load more comments
(4 replies)
Fun fact: the Mars bar is marketed as a Milky Way in the U.S. There was a Mars bar in the U.S., but it had almonds. It has since been rebranded as Snickers Almond.
So what's a milky way advertised as?
I’m not from the US, but I think it’s 3 Musketeers:
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/3_Musketeers_(chocolate_bar)
American here; you're spot on. The US/Mexico version of the Milky Way bar has a layer of caramel in addition to the nougat, and 3 Musketeers is essentially the global version of Milky Way. Our bars may be also bigger in size.
load more comments
(1 replies)
The Milky Way and the Mars bar were both created by the same person. And the Milky Way was created about 12 years earlier in Chicago. Forrest Mars went off to start his own Mars candy division in the UK after a fight with his dad.
I had a client that had a Mars heir as a client, and knew they were based in the DMV. I was curious how an American candy company with a candy bar named after the family ended up being created in the UK.
How did they get an office in the department of motor vehicles
They didn't, they're just in the Delaware/Maryland/Virginia area.
DMV stands for D.C./Maryland/Virginia in that context and refers to the D.C. metropolitan area.
What you're thinking of is the Eastern Shore peninsula, which is called Delmarva and is made up of parts of those three states.
You can't tell me this isn't the exact way you'd expect this guy to look. He said he's gonna use his 2 quid settlement for more mars bars. I'm comforted.
Excellent choice. I would.
A mars bar with no dick vein. Welp at leat the bloke got 2 pound(ing)s compensation.
Great. Now that Mars buckled, everyone will be suing over their smooth candies. They may have made this case go away, but they'll soon be out tens, maybe even hundreds of pounds.
Yup. Obviously a smooth brained idea
Now this is the kind of hard-hitting journalism I'm here for
Great. When did Mars go woke?
Tucker Carlson demands the return of the throbbing dick vein to the demasculated Mars bar.
load more comments
(1 replies)
Did they make him break it in two and mail it back first?
the Dull Men’s Club Facebook page
They only paid him because it would be exciting and ruin his reputation as a dull man.
Ironic that BBC reported it.
I used to send a complaint for faulty products to companies in my late teens/early 20's as I was low on money. Like once I got some energy drink in a bottle made for Pepsi. Same volume, no difference, but a mistake, so got 5€ for it so "won" like 3€ for that. I'd pick out products like that if I saw them in a shop for that very purpose.
Once I genuinely was annoyed though, as a soft drink company that filled the vending machine at our school had filled it wrong and I got what was essentially Fanta he I wanted an energy drink and it was fucking hard waking up that morning.
"Dull Men's Club" must be code for Mad Lads
view more: next ›