No Stupid Questions

I was a funeral director and got this question a lot.

1. That's not how vikings had funerals. The only Norse who had that type of send off is Baldr, son of Odin, in Norse mythology. Real Norse were cremated or buried. Important people had huge burial mounds since they'd be buried with a lot of their possessions. In reality, if you burned a boat with a body on it, the result would be a charred decaying corpse floating back to land in a day or two. A ship doesn't have enough wood to completly burn a body and bacteria in decaying dead bodies produce gas which causes dead bodies to float.

2. It is possible to "bury at sea" depending on the area. The Canadian government charges a significant amount for a permit to do so and it comes with a lot of conditions like a weighted and sealed casket and being dropped far enough from the shoreline. I've heard they make the process as difficult and costly as possible as a way to discourage the practice. However, there are no restrictions on scattering cremated remains at sea!

Put your boat in the middle east somewhere. Place various flags on it, usa israel iran lebanon etc. Someone will for sure light you up.

so, you're still alive and want do die burning on a boat?

takes a lot of discipline not to jump in the water i guess 🤔

also, who cares if it's legal. they're not gonna put your corpse in jail.

I would like a traditional burial but I want to be shot from a human canon into the grave. I wish you luck in your endeavors.

I know a guy who can get the job

So you want to die in a burning boat‽ While some countries in Europe allow for assisted suicide, I don't think any allow for self immolation while at sea.

Now if you're looking for a viking funeral procession after your death, I would think environmental regulations would be the biggest hurdle.

Heavily depends on the jurisdiction that applies to you when you die. People will be better able to help you if you disclose that.

Generally speaking in America it's very difficult to obtain custody of a corpse after the authorities have it in their possession. While there are many types of funeral options viking burials are not one. Regular fire does not burn hot enough to fully burn a human body, which is why cremation uses special equipment. Generally nobody wants partially burnt corpses in their river, so you're either going to be illegally polluting or going to international waters. Generally you'll need to convince some combination of funeral director, medical examiner, coroner, hospital director, and the police to give you custody of the body. It seems unbelievable to me that you'll be able to convince all those people to give you a body for a viking funeral

On to illegal ways you could accomplish this: not reporting a dead body is not only a crime but also makes you incredibly suspicious for fraud at a minimum and murder at the max. Not acquiring a death certificate will make dealing with any estate very difficult. Stealing the body from wherever it is located will likely get you charges for defacing a dead body. You could bribe some people to look the other way but if that fails that's also a crime

In short, no you can't really do it. However, this is America, so presumably with enough money to the right people you could probably work it out. But we're talking .01% level money and connections

Based on some of the legal and technical aspects of what people have said here, I wonder if it might still capture some of the essence of what you're trying for, to do a proper cremation and then have the ashes poured into a boat, possibly in a fancy or ceremonial way, that is then burned. Or the ashes could be in a burnable urn and placed into the boat.

I think there's a lot that you could do with staging and design that would allow the event to have very similar gravitas despite the lack of a full body.

I want to be slung away by a war machine. They should wait until I'm a bit stiff so my ballistic properties would be better.

Depends on if you own a boat.

In what country??

I'm sure you can just rent a boat and set it off yourself. Starting a fire than will burn up a boat is probably the easiest part. But hey man, keep your head up. Things will get better.

I've seen these barbeque boats floating around tourist spots. They have a grill in the center, seats all around and a driver steers them while they cook and eat. So you get one of those, "accidentally" spill some lighter fluid all over and have a pack of hot dogs for a cover story. After that, it's as simple as lighting the grill and riding the flames to valhalla.

Just do it yourself. Gotta time it juuuuuust right