this post was submitted on 24 Sep 2024
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Russian President Vladimir Putin has suffered an emabarassing setback as his feared Satan 2 nuclear arsenal failed four out of five missile tests, according to arms experts and satellite imagery from the launch site.

High-resolution satellite images of the launch pad at Russia's Plesetsk test site, where the RS-28 Sarmat intercontinental ballistic missile exploded, shows extensive damage.

A crater approximately 60 meters wide at the launch silo at the Plesetsk Cosmodrome in northern Russia, along with visible damage in the surrounding area that was not present in images taken earlier in the month.

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[–] Soup 120 points 2 months ago (3 children)

I’m sorry the hwhat?!

I know that a nuke would literally create a hell on earth but there’s no way you can name the fucking thing Satan and not be the bad guy.

[–] [email protected] 150 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (3 children)

They didn't. They named it "Sarmat".

NATO also had reporting names for Soviet weapons. IIRC surface-to-surface missiles start with "S". A few are rather...less-than complimentary, "Satan" -- the name used for the weapon that this replaces -- probably being the most so.

This missile doesn't have the reporting name "Satan 2" for NATO, though. The only link it has with the original surface-to-surface missile with the NATO reporting name "Satan" is that it's supposed to replace it and so Western media, which very much enjoyed mentioning "Satan" wherever possible, dubbed the new missile "Satan 2". But it's not an official name with NATO or Russia, just something that the media uses for the clicks.

The original missile:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R-36_%28missile%29#R-36M

The new one:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/RS-28_Sarmat

[–] Maggoty 28 points 2 months ago (1 children)

No wonder the media is using Satan II. NATO hasn't given it one or is just referring to it by number. I'd do the same thing if I was reporting on it.

[–] [email protected] 27 points 2 months ago (3 children)

They gave it one. It's just not as evocative as "Satan":

 NATO reporting name: SS-X-29 or SS-X-30

[–] [email protected] 23 points 2 months ago (4 children)

Well they couldn’t very well call it the Sexy 29.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 2 months ago

No you can't, because Russia can't get it up!

I'll show myself out...

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[–] [email protected] 17 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Sounds like a Tesla model or one of Elon's kids.

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[–] UnderpantsWeevil 37 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (4 children)

Extremely angry at my military for naming it's unlimited genocide machine "Big Evil Monster" rather than "Widdle Fuzzy Bunny Wabbit".

Almost don't even want them to use it anymore.

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[–] [email protected] 61 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

Everyone said I was daft to build missile in Russia, but I built it all the same, just to show them. It blew up on the launchpad. So I built a second one. That blew up on the launchpad. So I built a third. That burned down, fell over, then blew up on the launchpad. But the fourth one stayed airborne! And that's what you're going to get lad, the stupidest named missile in all of Russia

[–] ArtVandelay 24 points 2 months ago

What, the [Iron] Curtains?

[–] A_Random_Idiot 60 points 2 months ago (2 children)

I wonder how China feels having a North Korea on both sides of its country.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Meh, ij mnay ways China IS north Korea, I doubt they have issues with it.

[–] A_Random_Idiot 10 points 2 months ago

its north koreas all the way down?

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[–] [email protected] 45 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Who would have thought that simply robbing an entire nation and giving all the proceeds to your corrupt friends would lead to an inability to manufacture practically everything? TIL

[–] Buddahriffic 15 points 2 months ago

And I bet the ones who had an issue with corruption tended to be more competent than those who were ok with it, biasing those who sent to gulags or slipped out of open windows towards those who could compensate for the corruption.

[–] [email protected] 38 points 2 months ago (2 children)
[–] qisope 19 points 2 months ago

hopefully it gets towed outside the environment. before it removes the environment.

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[–] ms_lane 36 points 2 months ago (31 children)

Try to copy Ukrainian missile from 58 years ago

Fail

Second greatest military in the world!

[–] bizzle 32 points 2 months ago (4 children)

Second greatest military in the world

I think they might be second best in Russia by now lmfao

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[–] LouNeko 28 points 2 months ago

Really hard to adhere to quality if money is being pocketed at every corner and then spend outside the hellhole you created.

[–] [email protected] 24 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I'm sorry, the what missile? I know there's already "hellfire" missiles, but proclaiming a sequel to Lucifer Morningstar seems a bit silly.

[–] Kyrgizion 16 points 2 months ago (2 children)

It's just the NATO designation. Official name is Sarmat.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

It is not the NATO reporting name, as I detail in my comment. That's associated with an older missile.

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[–] UnderpantsWeevil 23 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Russia used to have some of the most advanced rocket science labs and physics programs in the world.

This is a truly sorry state of affairs for a country that has been strip mined from within.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 2 months ago (5 children)

Ukraine built a lot of it.

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[–] [email protected] 22 points 2 months ago (3 children)

ok slightly unrelated but the satellite pictures have an insane resolution for having been taken from, you know, space

The pics

Just imagine what the government has if that's what's available commercially to the public

[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (7 children)

We know from Trump's heedless shitposting that they can get the theoretical maximum resolution out of whatever aperture they have. For the US ones with the Hubble-clone mirrors that means not quite enough to recognise a face.

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[–] Zombiepirate 22 points 2 months ago (5 children)

Satan 2: This time, it's personal.

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[–] [email protected] 18 points 2 months ago

Article including the satellite imagery of the site where the RS-28 Sarmat missile exploded:

https://arstechnica.com/space/2024/09/satellite-images-suggest-test-of-russian-super-weapon-failed-spectacularly/

[–] mortimer 16 points 2 months ago (11 children)

It only needs to work once.

[–] chellomere 11 points 2 months ago (5 children)

Not so sure. What if these 4/5 nukes explode on the launch pad? Even if this is in a remote area you'll cause some damage to your own country.

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[–] Etterra 16 points 2 months ago

Putin, the limpest dick in Russia.

[–] iAvicenna 13 points 2 months ago (3 children)

Satan 2? What is this high school missile competition?

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[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 months ago (8 children)

is russia testing nuclear arms again?

[–] Agent641 15 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (4 children)

US tested a Minuteman III missile out of Vandenberg earlier this year. It was not carrying a nuclear payload. It's fairly common for countries to test missiles. Some countries broadcast their intent publicly so as not to accidentally trigger a retaliatory launch. Others don't broadcast publicly, but they do communicate via the good-old-boy net for the same reason.

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[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 months ago

Thanks Satan

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 months ago

That’s one to few failed tests

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