Kyrgizion

Last september everything came to a head and due to my failing mental health I tried to commit. It failed and I've been off work ever since.

Next June will be my 10 year anniversary with this company. I thought I was, well, not "liked" but at least somewhere above just "tolerated".

Well, that's one fantasy out if this world.

I probably will be fired because of my prolonged absence. I used to dread that option, but now I welcome it.

For a decade I felt unheard & unseen and when I spoke up about it, people convinced me it was all just in my head.

But it isn't. I really am as loathed as I feared I would be.

Then again, I loathe myself most of all, so I "understand" the situation.

I wouldn't reach out either if the roles were reversed.

Poor Terra has an inflamed toe she can't leave alone, so the vet fitted her with a collar for a few days. The bloodtest showed that she's reacting great to her hyperthyroidism-medicine, and the doc even commented on how her kidney, liver and bone marrow values were almost perfect, wich isn't all that common in 15 yr old senior kitties.

Hoping to have my lamp with me for many more years <3.

Lately I can't seem to get my heartbeat below 100, even while taking beta blockers.

I have no officially diagnosed heart or circulation issues, except varicocele (not directly related).

I also don't have any money to get myself checked out. But even if I did, I wouldn't. I've had passive suicidal ideation for decades. This just feels like my wish slowly coming true.

Idgaf about myself tbh, I just hope I won't accidentally aggrieve the few people on this planet who give a fuck about me.

Ah well.

"He's so stupid, hurr durr. He paid 40 billion and tanked the brand".

Yeah and he MADE 100+ billion this election by downright lying through his teeth.

Don't underestimate these people. They are intelligent (and often play a role to seem stupid, it's a deliberate tactic) and malicious to the core.

I mean, he was already the world's richest man, but evidently "the most of all" is not enough. They have 99% and we have 1%? They want to kill us for that last % because nothing will ever be enough for them.

Of course, they'll let the killing do itself - why bother with that if a few well placed lies are enough to keep the population permanently divided along the axis of race, age, gender, sexuality... you name it, as long as it isn't class.

Because this IS a class war and our side has been consistently losing for over three full decades.

As stated in the title. I've worked in IT for over 15 years despite having no related degree.

I've been closing tickets nonstop at my current company for almost 10 years. After several restructurings and shuffling of higher posts, it has become clear to me that while this employer isn't the worst out there, I will never be internally promoted or have my job duties changed if I don't leave.

Worse, ever since Covid I've started falling out of love with IT and computers in general. I used to be stoked to learn about all the new developments in tech, nowadays, not so much - the only "innovation" I've seen in the last 10 years was companies trying to make absolutely everything a fucking subscription model. Now I honestly don't know nor care what's in the newest tech stack, how security has evolved,... I just want my shit to work and not having to worry about everything under the hood.

So getting another helpdesk- or related job seems out of the question for mental health reasons.

What would be another niche or industry where someone with an analytical mind and a greatly developed loathing for corporate mooching could find their spot in the coming two decades or so?

I've long since accepted that I'll never be able to climb any ladders anywhere since I never had the right contacts or stayed long enough, so it would likewise have to be something I could mentally and physically endure being in the bottom rungs of for the aforementioned duration.

Apparently edible, though not willing to chance it.

Could buy a couple of hotdogs I suppose.

Was the best moment of the day by far. Thanks for the li'l boost, fluffy princess!

Guess I'll die 😬

Spoiler: I'm out 500€ and don't feel any better by any stretch of the imagination. The therapist in question has since blocked me, after I asked her for a reference for a colleague and she refused to give me one, and I accused her of only being in it for the money.

It's also pretty sad that with everything we already have to suffer, people exploit our explicit weaknesses hand over fist and society rewards them for it.

I suppose the majority of us plebs simply exist for the pleasures of our owner class, and seeing us squirm in agony just trying to stay alive day by day is amusing to some, and a source of income/riches for others.

I wish I had the intelligence, balls and black heart of one of these people. Compassion and integrity get you nowhere, ever, except a fast track to poverty.

At this point I don't mind if climate disasters or war do me, or anyone else, in. The sooner the better. I'm too much of a coward to do it myself anyway.

I'm 40 years old, in a crappy job without prospects despite degrees, and I have 0 friends.

I used to have a grand total of 2 friends before Covid, but then we lost contact. I've tried to rekindle, but all effort was onesided so I stopped.

I'm a lifelong spineless people pleaser despite lots of therapy, and the ironic thing is that this turns people off of you instead of having them like you.

At this point I don't see any reasons to continue trying.

If I had one wish in life, it would be to be a stereotypical asshole with actual self esteem - those are the kinds of people who seem to be anle to reach all of their goals and have others worship the ground they walk on.

But as for me, I'm so turned off by other people in general that I would probably be morbidly amused to read, oh I dunno, that Moscow nuked Kiev (or vive versa), that Jerusalem is burning, or that my hometown was wiped away by a hurricane.

Not to be "edgy". It's emotionally debilitating, and to be clear I don't enjoy/wish for human suffering.

I've just become as indifferent to it as the world seems to be to me. Simple tit for tat.

I'm tired. Kinda hoped I wouldn't wake up from my anaesthesia today. Ah well.