this post was submitted on 02 Jul 2024
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[–] [email protected] 141 points 4 months ago (5 children)

This is what conspiracy theories are supposed be. Absurd insanity. Not "vaccines are bad for you" or "a secret agent with Q clearance wants patriots to overthrow democracy".

[–] [email protected] 65 points 4 months ago (4 children)

I prefer the "Darth Jar Jar" and "The Bloop" levels of conspiracy theories.

[–] SkyezOpen 37 points 4 months ago (8 children)

Darth jar jar was absolutely meant to be canon and you can't change my mind.

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[–] Sterile_Technique 12 points 4 months ago

Bruh there's actual supporting evidence for Darth Jar Jar. He doesn't deserve to be lumped in with the crazy shit!

[–] TexasDrunk 7 points 4 months ago

I miss Batboy and Elvis being spotted in their convertible UFO.

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[–] tehmics 25 points 4 months ago (12 children)

The best conspiracy ever conceived was the one that convinced people that conspiracies are absurdist caricatures of the very real threat of collusion.

All these crazy conspiracies just weaken the perception of the mundane real ones.

If I was gonna conspire, the first step would be to trivialize the idea in the first place.

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 4 months ago (1 children)

"vaccines are bad for you" is extremely absurd and insane, tbf.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 4 months ago (1 children)

It's vicious and anti-scientific, but it's not in the same level of obviously untrue statement as good conspiracy theories. Things that were claimed to be safe turning out to not be safe is something that actually happens. They're just lying that it's true of vaccines.

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[–] Telodzrum 6 points 4 months ago

This is why the Denver Airport will always be the best conspiracy.

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[–] [email protected] 95 points 4 months ago

Not that I wanted the debate to go the way it did

[–] brlemworld 61 points 4 months ago

This community is called news. It should include news. Not some trash blog.

[–] ChihuahuaOfDoom 54 points 4 months ago (2 children)

Yep, absolutely. It couldn't possibly be that he's an octogenarian with a known speech impediment, had to be directed energy weapons.

[–] givesomefucks 24 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

known speech impediment

He had a childhood speech impediment. Overcoming those requires a concentrated effort, which we become less able to handle as we age.

Here's Biden in 2008

https://youtu.be/eOombKZSsj4?si=hYe3kh-wkM2iemtY&t=1424

Here he is in 1987

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xRxOldhJ7Sw

In a way what's happening now is a speech impediment, but it's re-emerging as he loses ability in the same parts of the brain that handle critical thinking due to the normal effects of aging.

I'm just tired of so many people writing this stuff off. Like, it took 2 minutes to find those videos and show he hasn't always been like this. He just couldn't win until the only other option was trump. Even tho he was a much better candidate back then.

Quick edit:

Ironically something like the Havana weapon would actually cause this shit, it's incredibly unlikely someone used it on Biden for the debate...

But it's fucking 2024 y'all, who knows what's real anymore I guess.

[–] Omegamanthethird 15 points 4 months ago (3 children)

Also, allegedly had a cold and probably got flustered after the first time he tripped on his words. And inexplicably kept trying to recite various metrics from memory.

[–] corroded 19 points 4 months ago (1 children)

People really underestimate how bad a cold can be. When I'm sick, it's so hard to function mentally that I can barely do my job.

I believe he was sick, and I believe this was just a case of unfortunate timing. What matters in politics is perception, though, and the perception isn't good.

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[–] Rottcodd 51 points 4 months ago (2 children)

If we're going to go all conspiratorial, here's my theory:

Both campaigns are dealing with old men with diminished faculties.

There's some drug cocktail(s) that both campaigns have been using to pep the doddering old farts up for public appearances.

If you'll remember, very shortly before the debate, the accusation that "Biden's on drugs" made the rounds, and Trump made some noises about demanding a drug test.

For some reason - possibly fear, possibly determination in the face of a challenge, possibly a subtle communication that the Trump campaign had some hard evidence they would, if pushed, release publicly - that led to the Biden team withholding his customary drug cocktail.

Trump, meanwhile, was dosed to the eyeballs.

And that was the contrast we saw - Trump was on drugs, while Biden, for whatever reason, for that night alone, was not.

Remember - for the Republicans broadly and especially for Trump, every accusation is a confession.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 months ago (1 children)

That's what probably happened.

[–] CptEnder 9 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I mean yeah Trump's WH had a pharmacy handing out free drugs like fuckin Pablo Escobar.

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[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 months ago (2 children)

every accusation is a confession.

This is all I could think of when Trump said Democrats would use every avenue both legal and illegal to overturn election results.

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[–] anon_8675309 51 points 4 months ago (5 children)

Idiots can be on the left too.

[–] afraid_of_zombies 13 points 4 months ago (46 children)

Of course. GMOs and nuclear power

[–] [email protected] 27 points 4 months ago (5 children)

Some of us aren't against GMOs for being genetically modified, we're against patents on food.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Some of us also are against massive overuse of glyphosate.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 4 months ago (6 children)

If I could fucking ban pesticides and antibiotics for agricultural use I absolutely would.

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[–] Luminocta 6 points 4 months ago (1 children)

"I don't understand nuclear power, therefore it is bad"

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[–] FlyingSquid 46 points 4 months ago (2 children)

This is your occasional reminder that the conspiracy nutballs can be on the left sometimes too.

[–] Freefall 19 points 4 months ago (1 children)

They are not left or right. They are just people that strictly believe everything that has been disproven or is too stupid to bother disproving, as long as ANY thread of correlation can be made up between it and observable reality.

[–] Feathercrown 9 points 4 months ago (2 children)

To be fair that correlates with being right wing for some reason

[–] Freefall 6 points 4 months ago

The disconnect from reality combined with being prone to belief without proof.

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[–] nothingcorporate 36 points 4 months ago

"Batshit conspiracy theories...not just for the far right anymore!"

[–] PugJesus 31 points 4 months ago

Wow, and here I thought he was an old guy with a stutter getting flustered while a fascist fuckwad spewed inane garbage.

[–] Ensign_Crab 25 points 4 months ago (7 children)

"It was his stutter."

"He had a cold."

"He overprepared and got flustered."

"A malicious actor used an Inator on him."

I wonder what the next excuse is gonna be.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 4 months ago (3 children)

"He's old."

He actually said on camera that the reason he is running this time is because Trump is running, meaning that if Trump wasn't running, Biden wouldn't be running, meaning he doesn't even really want the job.

The DNC put up a guy that doesn't even want to be president again, and now 40% of democrat voters want a new nominee because apparently they weren't paying attention for the last 4 years and only realized now, during the debate, that Joe Biden is dealing with cognitive decline.

[–] Maggoty 8 points 4 months ago

No we realized years ago. It's the entire reason his campaign started the idea that he'd be a single term president. People brought it up after the midterms when he confirmed he'd run again. It's been in the news and an open question ever since then. According to insiders, the debate was held early specifically to show he wasn't too old.

Biden and the Party have been aggressively going after critics, accusing them of being Trump supporters and disloyal to the very concept of democracy. Which would have worked if he didn't shit the bed so badly.

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[–] [email protected] 24 points 4 months ago

Have you ever been in a TV studio with all the lights pointed at you?
That's exactly what they are. Directed-Energy Weapons.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

And yet this is still many orders of magnitude more sane than thinking Donald Trump is fit to be president.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 4 months ago (12 children)

Wouldn't Directed Energy Weapons make him burn and itch so bad he'd jump around?

We have those, we've used them in real combat, but they don't work like that.

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[–] TropicalDingdong 14 points 4 months ago (13 children)
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[–] littlebluespark 11 points 4 months ago

So, Gizmodo's trying to toady up to The Onion, now?

[–] peopleproblems 10 points 4 months ago

That's

Not the weirdest thing I've heard. Fuck this timeline

[–] [email protected] 10 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I don't buy it in this particular case, but "directed energy" can do some funky things: https://youtu.be/J-SH18dtBlY?si=40dOJbu4O9ZWWCsZ

(No, it's not a conspiracy theory video or any of that crap. Benn Jordan is a musician that likes all kinds of funky sound things.)

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[–] jordanlund 9 points 4 months ago (4 children)

While Havana Syndrome is real, to my knowledge it's not that refined. It should have impacted everyone in the room, Trump and the moderators included.

The known reports of the syndrome occupied entire floors of buildings. The idea that someone could use it and just target one guy is a little out there.

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 months ago

I've said it many times, I will say it again: IT WAS THOSE DAMN REPTILLIANZ

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