this post was submitted on 15 May 2024
799 points (98.8% liked)

Lemmy Shitpost

27154 readers
5601 users here now

Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


Rules:

1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

...


2. No Illegal Content


Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.

That means:

-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals

-No CSA content or Revenge Porn

-No sharing private/personal information (Doxxing)

...


3. No Spam


Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.

-Do not spam posts with intent to harass, annoy, bully, advertise, scam or harm this community.

-No posting Scams/Advertisements/Phishing Links/IP Grabbers

-No Bots, Bots will be banned from the community.

...


4. No Porn/ExplicitContent


-Do not post explicit content. Lemmy.World is not the instance for NSFW content.

-Do not post Gore or Shock Content.

...


5. No Enciting Harassment,Brigading, Doxxing or Witch Hunts


-Do not Brigade other Communities

-No calls to action against other communities/users within Lemmy or outside of Lemmy.

-No Witch Hunts against users/communities.

-No content that harasses members within or outside of the community.

...


6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.


-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.

-Content that might be distressing should be kept behind NSFW tags.

...

If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.


Also check out:

Partnered Communities:

1.Memes

2.Lemmy Review

3.Mildly Infuriating

4.Lemmy Be Wholesome

5.No Stupid Questions

6.You Should Know

7.Comedy Heaven

8.Credible Defense

9.Ten Forward

10.LinuxMemes (Linux themed memes)


Reach out to

All communities included on the sidebar are to be made in compliance with the instance rules. Striker

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] NeptuneOrbit 174 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I would leave a comment but I'll be busy (with a girl, you wouldn't understand)

[–] [email protected] 47 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I would upvote your comment, but I'll be with a real girl (I don't expect you to understand it)

[–] [email protected] 14 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I would read your comment, but I'll be playing Factorio (I don't expect you to understand it)

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] ricdeh 159 points 7 months ago (1 children)

lmao this is too good, I would laugh but I'll be too busy (because I'll be meeting a girl, not that you are really going to understand)

[–] MissJinx 54 points 7 months ago

A REAL ONE!

[–] [email protected] 122 points 7 months ago (1 children)
[–] The_Picard_Maneuver 148 points 7 months ago

(you wouldn't)

[–] [email protected] 110 points 7 months ago
[–] [email protected] 87 points 7 months ago (1 children)

48 hours later

"Hey fellas."

[–] [email protected] 35 points 7 months ago (3 children)
load more comments (3 replies)
[–] [email protected] 75 points 7 months ago
[–] [email protected] 71 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (2 children)

I know this is an unpopular take...but I'm cheering the guy on. He obviously needs to get laid. Like, really bad.

[–] CrowAirbrush 40 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I think he needs to fall on his face first, to lose the entitlement and degrading behaviour towards his (up until this point) friends.

Then when he learns he can have another attempt.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 29 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (1 children)

for the girl's sake I hope he doesn't

(assuming it is not satire, but it probably is)

[–] Land_Strider 10 points 7 months ago

For all of our sakes, I, too, hope he doesn't.

[–] [email protected] 69 points 7 months ago (6 children)

Must be so nice to know girls in real life.

By the way, I use Arch.

load more comments (6 replies)
[–] Bosht 52 points 7 months ago (3 children)

What's that? Another copypasta hot off the press? Don't mind if I do tyvm!

[–] [email protected] 43 points 7 months ago

Not gonna be active on Discord tonight. l'm meeting a girl (a real one) in half an hour (wouldn't expect a lot of you to understand anyway) so please don't DM me asking me where l am (im with the girl, ok) you'll most likely get aired because ill be with the girl (again l don't expect you to understand) shes actually really interested in me and its not a situation i can pass up for some meaningless Discord degenerates (because ill be meeting a girl, not that you really are going to understand) this is my life now. Meeting women and not wasting my precious time online, l have to move on from such simple things and branch out (you wouldnt understand) @everyone

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 49 points 7 months ago

Sounds like he doesn't understand.

[–] [email protected] 43 points 7 months ago (1 children)

If she’s in to condescending pricks, it’ll be a perfect match!

[–] [email protected] 24 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Assuming she exists in the first place

[–] frickineh 39 points 7 months ago (2 children)

She totally does, she just goes to another Discord. I wouldn't expect you (an obvious virgin) to understand what it's like to have Real Human Girls be interested in you, but she's real (a real girl and also definitely human) and she wants him. She's just offline right now or she'd prove it.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Yeah she’s on Discord Canada

[–] owenfromcanada 9 points 7 months ago (2 children)
load more comments (2 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] StaySquared 34 points 7 months ago

And then.. the next day he will be back on discord for hours on end for days on end.

[–] Tixanou 32 points 7 months ago (4 children)

guys... call me crazy but... I think he will be meeting a girl

[–] Asudox 36 points 7 months ago

I don't understand.

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] [email protected] 31 points 7 months ago (6 children)

This whole thread was awesome. Thanks, feddies! Sincerely, a real female (way too old to call myself a girl, but in threads like this, I feel like one!)

load more comments (6 replies)
[–] [email protected] 31 points 7 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 41 points 7 months ago

I don't think he does, too busy meeting up with a real girl

[–] dyedbird 23 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Napoleon Dynamite reporting from the Internets...

[–] [email protected] 9 points 7 months ago

More like kip, but yeah

[–] unreasonabro 20 points 7 months ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 18 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Ugh if my

gay-ass

gay ass

had had

Discord in 7th grade, this is exactly the kind of bullshit propaganda I would have used to cover for myself

[–] fishbone 10 points 7 months ago

Honestly this was so weird to read because of the line breaks, but it would have been way harder without them. Thanks for looking out!

I hope your gay-ass gay ass had had a great day.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] force 20 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (1 children)

Not gonna be active on Discord tonight. I'm meeting a girl (a real one) in half an hour (wouldn't expect a lot of you to understand anyway) so please don't DM me asking me where I am (im with the girl, ok) you'll most likely get aired because ill be with the girl (again I don't expect you to understand) shes actually really interested in me and its not a situation i can pass up for some meaningless Discord degenerates (because ill be meeting a girl, not that you really are going to understand) this is my life now. Meeting women and not wasting my precious time online, I have to move on from such simple things and branch out (you wouldnt understand) @everyone

[–] Asudox 13 points 7 months ago

What in the fuck

[–] [email protected] 20 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Hello guys today I just had very hot sex(not gay)(with a woman) and it was pretty fun I fucked her pussy(because she is a woman) and she said she enjoyed it a lot(with a female voice because she is a female). Anyways losing your virginity(to a woman) is very exciting and I hope to do it again(with a woman).

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] UnderpantsWeevil 18 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Took her forever to get here from Canada.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 18 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Is this a mother's day post?

[–] The_Tired_Horizon 10 points 7 months ago

We all know his Mum.

Ahem. 😅

[–] [email protected] 18 points 7 months ago

I had a short phase like that in my early teens. I hate you for making me remember that.

[–] ramenshaman 17 points 7 months ago (1 children)
[–] Klear 10 points 7 months ago

(not that it would help)

[–] [email protected] 16 points 7 months ago
[–] [email protected] 16 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Your posts are the ones most likely to warm my heart, make me smile or even literally lol. This one did all three. Thank you, my friend. <3

[–] The_Picard_Maneuver 29 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (3 children)

Ha, thanks! I'm just trying to do my part to add content to the fediverse.

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] The_Tired_Horizon 12 points 7 months ago

I've met several. Would not recommend. Cooties, I believe you Yanks call them.

[–] kromem 11 points 7 months ago (1 children)

That's sweet she came in from Canada to visit him.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] m3t00 9 points 7 months ago

local_users lusers

load more comments
view more: next ›