[Outdated, please look at pinned post] Casual Conversation

Yup that's a nostalgia.

It's part of growing old, it's part of coming to terms with mortality.

Soon, you'll say the words, "but music really was better back then, it really meant something, now it's just manufactured trash". You'll really mean it too.

You'll convince yourself that the crime rate was lower and that people were friendlier, no matter what statistics you are shown.

"We really respected our elders".

Next up, friend, the mid-life crisis where you think you can get it all back.

Bro, you’re 30. Fucking live it up and enjoy. Shit’s gonna get real for you in the next 1-2 decades.

Shit broke in 1974. The middle class was a negligible voting base by the time anybody realized what happened. The rich let the middle class think they were upper class by allowing them to participate in their casino knowing its only so they could take their money. They convinced the lower class they were middle class by giving them loans for houses and cars they will spend their entire life paying off. They keep the truly broke and desperate broke and desperate by creating social programs they keep people poor. You always have it better than someone, and you don't want to lose that comfort. So the 1% will continue to spread the gap. The 1300 with 94% will be 500 will 98%. No worry though, were all going to die early from climate change. Which you still blame yourself for because the corporations that produce 80% of pollution have enough money and time to convince you it's your fault for capitalism.

15 years ago I was a young man in his early 20's. I was struggling with poverty and an inability to form intimate relationships.

I'm now an old man that is desperately trying to ensure a retirement after living a disappointing existence. This year the last connection I had to a family unit dissolved. I am alone.

I don't look fondly on my past, it was constant suffering from neglect of a world that saw no use for me. At least in the present I'm unaware of the horrors that await me.

Imo many of the comments here are missing the point, and it sounds like you may not be familiar with the breadth of other life experiences.

That said, I think one of the key things you've described is experiences vs things, and time vs loneliness. Having arrived doesn't make people happy. Having fewer problems doesn't (necessarily) make people happy. Living in the moment, finding connections, building new experiences, finding ways to help people can all help.

That said, you're probably also experiencing some existential questions more. The future branches of your life are no longer the focus. Mindfulness can help with that. When life has changed, you don't feel fulfilled, and you have everything that society says you should have, it's still easy to wake up one day and realize you're depressed. It sounds like you're starting to look for answers. You may be surprised to find that there really aren't any. And that's ok.

2009... bachelor with good income, loads of job security,and next to no personal responsibilities...

"Better" is subjective, but it was definitely easier as I've since become a family man.

You're a grown person now, you're starting to think more and deeply about life. Back then, you were a kid and everything was "amazing". I know for a fact that my childhood was absolute shit, but I still miss it all the time. That's just a normal grown up crap that you'll get over sooner or later. Enjoy what you have and make the best out of it.

Except for the fact I was 15 years younger, no.

In contrast 2009 was a actually a very bad year for a lot of people. I think what you're feeling is pretty normal. Try create some new fun, don't do too much in terms of recreating things except to confirm / dis-confirm memories.

A few thoughts -

1. Missing childhood is normal: you had (effectively) no responsibilities (even if you had less time), making friends was simple as you were constantly mixing with a large peer group at school and being children there was little friction to making new friends.

2. You've grown apart from your current friends and it's hard to go make new ones. Your friends likely have time but don't share your interests or have dedicated that time to their own new friendships. You dedicate more time to your wife as well (or if you don't you've got a marriage that needs fixing). Finding new friends is rough but it's probably your next step.

3. You might be suffering from depression or burnout. If life isn't exciting when you've "got it all" then you should probably consult a therapist or even psychiatrist. There's so much joy and richness to be had in life - I'm excited every day to go try new things or to stay at home with my partner or to go play games with friends online.

4. Have you considered liberating Malevelon Creek?

I am really interested where in the/in what country a single nurse's salary can afford you a new house

Fifteen years ago I was 25, broke, depressed, alone, and getting ready to pick up and move to a different city because my friend group was getting too fractured and incestuous. Sixteen years ago I was homeless.

Hell no it wasn't better. 24-25 was the absolute worst time of my life.

https://poorlydrawnlines.com/comic/nostalgia/

44 male with a wife since 25yo. I want to say I was in the same boat in my early 30s. But things changed once I had my kid. Like life completely changed. My mindset changed and I don't have those feels anymore. My priorities changed. I just have joy seeing my son grow up.

Not saying you should knock up your wife. Just saying that you have to have a purpose. My friends without kids went into teaching and became a mentor for underprivileged kids. My other friend became a kids counselor. Both have no kids but found purpose.

My life is infinitely better now than it was fifteen years ago, but I got lucky in a lot of ways. That said, fifteen years ago I was living near the Great Lakes, wandering the roads and neighborhoods of my community on moonlit summer nights, vibing to the songs of crickets and katydids. I had no idea how meaningful those memories would be to me in fifteen years after moving across the continent, into another county, and far away from the lively chatter of Midwest summer nights. The nights here are silent, even in July and August, and those wooded lake communities are far away and out of reach. I'll likely never get to experience that again, and for that I miss fifteen years ago very much.

I am making not much more than I was 15 years ago. I don’t have the disposable income now that I had then. We hung out with friends and we weren’t absorbed in our phones. (I’m older gen x)

Because even if you have enough money to live comfortably, you now have adult responsibilities compared to when you were 15. Back then you didn’t have to worry about paying taxes or maintenance/repair of a house, or taking care of your health as much as you need to in your 30s. So you’ll feel more nostalgic about the time were you lived a little more carefree.

I'm not sure where you live but life in Canada was undeniably better 15 years ago

Maybe because I had goals and now I am "done"?

For me, this is the the thing I struggle with.

When I have longer term life goals, I find it so much easier to live a hopeful and present kind of life. It makes it easier to get through the other stuff because I have a good trajectory.

These days I have a stressful but high paying job in a space that's relevant to the goals I was passionate about 15 years ago, and it leaves me miserable fairly often.

My oldest one is about to turn 14. Man, 15 years ago I was in my mid 20s, at the University. We were out partying on Tuesdays, I learned so much new stuff, I met young and enthusiastic people every day, I was just married... You bet my life was different 15 years ago.

I feel you. I basically fell off the face of the earth for like 10 years. I was fighting just to survive and the only thing on my mind was to get to the next day.

I was too tired to even think about fun.

Now that I am out of that funk, I worked on getting back to socializing. I feel like a lot of peers I had before are in a similar funk that I was. Just surviving. Sometimes it is because of bad decision making. But usually, not... They did their best and it wasn't good enough to both pay the bills and have some time to enjoy themselves.

You might be able to hang out with folks that have a similar amount of free time as you. It doesn't have to be people you grew up with. You have a great opportunity where your own life is in a good spot, so you should have more time to pursue connections with people you would enjoy.

Good luck out there!

I feel the same, but also i know i will feel the same about today in 15 more years. It’s weird how that works.

Hello,

Thank you for your post. It seems that your feelings come from not being able to spend much time with your friends anymore.

You might want to crosspost to [email protected]

Since you ruled out money and free time. Maybe it's to do with health and diet? I recently switched my diet and honestly feel so much better. I was the type to eat little veg and high fatty foods before.

I feel the same way. I think it's because 15 years ago I barely had any responsibilities. Thing were being taken care of for me and I could just focus on the things I wanted to do. Now at an older age I feel like living is this constant struggle to stay afloat. Even when things are good there's still this ambient anxiety about something bad happening in the future. I really enjoyed my life when I was 17 to 25 or so but I've never reached those highs since and it's possible that I never will.

My life personally is better now than it was 15 years ago. I have some nostalgia for the late 00's, and if current me could go back I could build something better than I have now - just working not "lol I just memorize lottery numbers" or whatever - but back then I was fucking miserable. Abusive living situation, deeply mentally ill, broke and not yet equipped to deal with it all.

im in my early 20s and a year out of college in my first long term full time job. im starting to get what you feel already. I think as an adult as you grow and develop into your own personality it becomes harder to make friends you really connect with sometimes. why dont you try taking a class for a hobby youve always wanted to try or regularly volunteering somewhere? or even try becoming a regular at a bar or coffee shop you like. if people see you enough, you'll automatically become friendly to them. ive yet to have the executive willpower to try these things regularly enough myself to make a substantial friend, but this is what i want to try. you can also try reconnecting with old friends you enjoyed or never knew too well. it might be awkward or they might not be open to it, but my partner and i have the best time hanging out with my old roommates, even if we don't see them very often.

Some of it is nostalgia, but I have to say I do at least really miss when tech was in that 90s-2006~ era.

It just felt like… a much better balance. Enough to bring information across the world, enough to play a fun video game or make communication and business easier but… not so overwhelmingly dominant where it “replaced” a lot of real life.

Other than that, most things are better now I’d say

Check out Kyle Hill's video on generative AI and the dark forest of the internet. Everything is competing for our attention and fighting for it. Technology has allowed for bots, misinformation, shitty articles, ai generated text to be widespread. There has been a trend to find smaller, closer knit communities that have REAL people as the rest of the internet has become much more hostile.

I believe that spills into everything else around us considering how much of daily life hinges on networking and wifi.

In my specific case, definitely not. My daughter was born 13 years ago. She changed my life and myself for the better in so many ways. It's also been super challenging, but also incredibly satisfying.

I don't think anyone should have a child unless they absolutely want one, but it has been the best thing that ever happened to me.

Fifteen years ago, I would've been nine. Too early in life for me to know what "good life" is, not that I'd call it good.

I was still a kiddo back in 2009. To be fair, it was actually pretty enjoyable to me.

My son turns 15 in two days. I'm super happy having him around, so yes life is better for me than 15 years ago. 😆

I don't think so. Especially if you live in a developing country

I agree.

Sounds like you might want to consider quitting your job and travelling for 6 months, or go work in another country before you get too old. That's what I did.

But back to your other point. I'm convinced 90's and 00's were better times. Things were easier, more free, there was more free time, there was more community. People were happier and less prone to anger you could actually joke around with people and life wasn't so serious. Now it seems like everyone wants be a victim of something and just fuck up everyone's lives.

Back in those days if someone couldn't take a joke you just tell them to lighten up and have some fun. But people just want to be the victim.