this post was submitted on 07 Feb 2024
81 points (96.6% liked)

Ask Lemmy

27038 readers
1715 users here now

A Fediverse community for open-ended, thought provoking questions

Please don't post about US Politics. If you need to do this, try [email protected]

Rules: (interactive)

1) Be nice and; have funDoxxing, trolling, sealioning, racism, and toxicity are not welcomed in AskLemmy. Remember what your mother said: if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. In addition, the site-wide Lemmy.world terms of service also apply here. Please familiarize yourself with them

2) All posts must end with a '?'This is sort of like Jeopardy. Please phrase all post titles in the form of a proper question ending with ?

3) No spamPlease do not flood the community with nonsense. Actual suspected spammers will be banned on site. No astroturfing.

4) NSFW is okay, within reasonJust remember to tag posts with either a content warning or a [NSFW] tag. Overtly sexual posts are not allowed, please direct them to either [email protected] or [email protected]. NSFW comments should be restricted to posts tagged [NSFW].

5) This is not a support community.
It is not a place for 'how do I?', type questions. If you have any questions regarding the site itself or would like to report a community, please direct them to Lemmy.world Support or email [email protected]. For other questions check our partnered communities list, or use the search function.

Reminder: The terms of service apply here too.

Partnered Communities:

Tech Support

No Stupid Questions

You Should Know

Reddit

Jokes

Ask Ouija

Logo design credit goes to: tubbadu

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
Bluetreefrog
candyman337
[email protected]
[email protected]
[email protected]
Asudox
[email protected]
lemmy_bot
beefbaby182
[email protected]
ModeratorCan
81
What are some humorous quotes/life advice that would be funny to see embroidered on a throw pillow? (y.yarn.co)
submitted 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) by [email protected] to c/asklemmy
44 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

I've been wanting to get some humorous quotes embroidered on my throw pillows, and I've only got a short list so far. It's easiest and cheapest to get them all done at once, so I'm trying to come up with a list of about 10-15 to select from before I send them off. Ideally, they'd be vaguely "life advice" but that's not a hard requirement. If you remember the Demotivational Posters from years ago, think "Demotivational Throw Pillows" to get an idea of what I have in mind.

Current list / examples:

  • "The truth is usually just an excuse for a lack of imagination" - Garak, DS9
  • "There are no bad ideas; just great ideas that go horribly wrong" - Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock
  • "Never go with a hippie to a second location" - Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock

Obviously, they should be fairly short to be able to fit in the available space and shouldn't be vulgar.

Let's hear your suggestions, and hopefully they make the cut and provide for some fun ice breakers/conversation pieces.

As suggested by a commenter, here's the original joke pillow that inspired me:

"Ambition is the willingness to kill the things you love and eat them in order to stay alive"

Haven't you ever read my throw pillow?!

top 44 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] jordanlund 27 points 9 months ago (1 children)

[–] [email protected] 6 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

Yes! Though I may just have that one re-created verbatim or see if I can find a larger version of it for sale.

[–] muffedtrims 18 points 9 months ago (1 children)

My dad has this one on the living room couch

[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 months ago

Oh, that's good. I like it.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 9 months ago (1 children)

"Don't listen to advice from pillows"
Just a classic paradox

[–] [email protected] 5 points 9 months ago

Meta and paradoxical. Perfect.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 9 months ago

If you find a toilet in your dream, don’t use it.

[–] Cryophilia 12 points 9 months ago (2 children)

  • Every corpse on Mount Everest was once a highly motivated person.

  • The early bird gets the worm, the early worm gets eaten.

  • We do this not because it is easy, but because we thought it would be easy

Actually saw that last one on a pillow.

[–] crystalmerchant 6 points 9 months ago

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

[–] [email protected] 3 points 9 months ago

Those are all pretty good, and I had the third one in my email signature for a long time. Thanks!

[–] [email protected] 12 points 9 months ago (3 children)

Jack Donaghy could supply your entire inventory, and I feel you should figure out a way to get the first part of your gif included.

“Ambition is the willingness to kill the things you love and eat them in order to stay alive. Haven’t you ever read my throw pillow?”

[–] OlinOfTheHillPeople 4 points 9 months ago (1 children)

We know what art is. It's paintings of horses.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 months ago

You joke, but I'm seriously considering painting my home office whatever the closest match is to "elk tongue" and filling it with paintings of horses.

[–] A_Very_Big_Fan 3 points 9 months ago (1 children)

I would love to read some of the quotes in the link if not for the billions of ads and other shit popping up

[–] [email protected] 3 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

Sorry about that. uBlock Origin knocks it all out for me. This should be better, and much more extensive anyway.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

Donaghy did supply the bulk of the list before I decided to diversify and trimmed it down to those two. lol.

Yarn is pretty annoying in that it both has exactly the quote I'm looking for but also never the full context. I'll add Donaghy's pillow to the post as an example, though.

[–] crypticthree 12 points 9 months ago (2 children)

Don't sweat the petty stuff and don't pet the sweaty stuff

[–] [email protected] 3 points 9 months ago

Pretty sure that one just made the cut. Thanks!

[–] Canopyflyer 2 points 9 months ago

This is the way I've heard that one, probably just a mutation:

Don't sweat the petty things, pet the sweaty things.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 9 months ago (1 children)

"When push comes to shove, you gotta do what you love, even if it's not a good idea." -Hermes Conrad

[–] flicker 3 points 9 months ago

I actually live by this quote and will even say that quote when I'm trying to think of what I want to do with my life.

But I also believe I would've worked for the bureau of bureaucracy...

[–] [email protected] 9 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (1 children)

"Sometimes a hypocrite is nothing more than a man in the process of changing." - Dalinar Kholin

Edit: Not really a humorous one, it's just my favorite quote from the Stormlight Archive.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 months ago

Yeah, not really what I had in mind for my throw pillows, but definitely something I can add to the rotation for my letter board. Thanks!

[–] hOrni 8 points 9 months ago (2 children)

Scotch. It's too early to drink it, but it is never too early to think about. - Dr Cox, Scrubs (A bit paraphrased)

[–] Today 3 points 9 months ago

Never drink scotch without water. Never drink water without scotch. --Jerry, a guy i know

Also, when you go to the bathroom in a bar he says, " Don't come out with more than you had when you went in."

[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 months ago

I'll have to look up some "best of Dr. Cox" quotes. I'm sure he has several gems.

[–] Kaput 8 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

If it's stupid and it works, it's still stupid and you are lucky.

Pillage, then burn

Two wrong is probably not going to be enough.

From schlock mercenary, 77 maximsof maximally effective mercenaries

Bonus: Don't shit where you sit.

[–] lettruthout 6 points 9 months ago (1 children)

At the end of the day... it's dark

[–] Tujio 10 points 9 months ago

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside a dog, it's too dark to read.

[–] NOSin 6 points 9 months ago

Had a bit of fun with weird proverbs with coworkers today, two that stayed :

The one who swallow a coconut, has complete trust in his anus.

Don't pretend to be a tiger when you're a kitten.

Not really on theme, but the first one will often get a chuckle out of people without having to be on a pillow.

[–] snausagesinablanket 5 points 9 months ago

Gaze at the barren landscape before you and see all the fucks I have left to give.

[–] bobzilla 5 points 9 months ago

"Yeet" (because, you know, it's a throw pillow)

[–] stoicmaverick 5 points 9 months ago

"Some motherfuckers are always trying to ice skate uphill."

  • Blade
    • Wesley Snipes
[–] Moob 5 points 9 months ago (1 children)

If it’s wet and not yours, don’t touch it.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 9 months ago

I may amend it to "If it's not yours, don't touch it". lol. Thanks.

[–] scutiger 5 points 9 months ago

Don't bet on a three-legged horse

[–] lettruthout 5 points 9 months ago

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

[–] Ifera 4 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

"Life is a bitch, then you die."

"Take a thousand naked pictures of yourself right now." That one is part of a longer speech that is really quite moving .

[–] NOT_RICK 4 points 9 months ago

Never trust a fart

[–] [email protected] 3 points 9 months ago

Without a liver you die

[–] [email protected] 3 points 9 months ago

"42" - Douglas Adams, Hitchhikers guide to galaxy

[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 months ago

Cannibalism, great with friends.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 months ago

There are only two kinds of problems, small and large. The small ones don't matter, and the big ones are out of your control.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 9 months ago

Two in the Pink
One in the Stink

In a really nice, ornate script font.