this post was submitted on 01 Dec 2023
93 points (81.6% liked)

Ask Lemmy

27253 readers
2730 users here now

A Fediverse community for open-ended, thought provoking questions


Rules: (interactive)


1) Be nice and; have funDoxxing, trolling, sealioning, racism, and toxicity are not welcomed in AskLemmy. Remember what your mother said: if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. In addition, the site-wide Lemmy.world terms of service also apply here. Please familiarize yourself with them


2) All posts must end with a '?'This is sort of like Jeopardy. Please phrase all post titles in the form of a proper question ending with ?


3) No spamPlease do not flood the community with nonsense. Actual suspected spammers will be banned on site. No astroturfing.


4) NSFW is okay, within reasonJust remember to tag posts with either a content warning or a [NSFW] tag. Overtly sexual posts are not allowed, please direct them to either [email protected] or [email protected]. NSFW comments should be restricted to posts tagged [NSFW].


5) This is not a support community.
It is not a place for 'how do I?', type questions. If you have any questions regarding the site itself or would like to report a community, please direct them to Lemmy.world Support or email [email protected]. For other questions check our partnered communities list, or use the search function.


6) No US Politics.
Please don't post about current US Politics. If you need to do this, try [email protected] or [email protected]


Reminder: The terms of service apply here too.

Partnered Communities:

Tech Support

No Stupid Questions

You Should Know

Reddit

Jokes

Ask Ouija


Logo design credit goes to: tubbadu


founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] wetferret 33 points 1 year ago

I guess this is me now.

[–] A_Toasty_Strudel 30 points 1 year ago

I fall poopy b-hole first onto the edge of my bathtub.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 year ago (1 children)

i am telefragged as my head is now inside of a table

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 year ago (2 children)

A bunch of people in here without something solid two feet to the left of them seem to be assuming that there is a perfect them-shaped vaccuum that they will be teleported into. That's not the case. There is air there, and you'll be just as dead as the guy sitting next to the family refrigerator.

Unless you are an astronaut currently in space, the only correct answer is "dying of multiple simultaneous embolisms, with or without widespread traumatic amputations, and 'gross dismemberment' (SFW, only text) from instantaneous pressure changes inside the body."

[–] Gabu 12 points 1 year ago

Presumably, teleportation is a bidirectional process, and everything that was occupying the space you now take gets teleported to your previous position.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 year ago (2 children)

My dog and I are now one. We have become, dogperson. All the bipedability of a person, with the infinite compassion of a dog. We are unstoppable.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] Skrengus 16 points 1 year ago

I am outside in nothing but my underwear. It is cold and raining outside. The doors and windows are locked and i don't remember the garage code. No one is home to let me in for another hour or so. D:

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 year ago

I'm inside a wall now

[–] Everythingispenguins 16 points 1 year ago

Well I am pretty sure that puts me in the concrete wall at work. I probably won't know, but my coworkers are going to need therapy for life.

[–] myfaceistupid 14 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I am now sitting on the exact same bench in the exact same position except two feet to the left

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] Hasart 14 points 1 year ago

Dead I guess, bricked inside wall

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (3 children)

I am now laying on my sister's bed instead of my own.

If this happened 10 minutes ago, I would be outside of my car on the highway and that would be bad.

[–] Rednax 8 points 1 year ago (2 children)

And that is why you don't read lemmy while driving!

load more comments (2 replies)
load more comments (2 replies)
[–] AtmaJnana 12 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

About half of my body is now occupying the same space-time position as my refridgerator.

I die almost instantly, the half that is left outside the fridge slumps to the floor and creates a gory mess for my partner to find.

Meanwhile, the other half of my mass is busy trying to occupy the same place as my refrigerator probably causes additional...effects. Does it explode? Does it just make a mess in the fridge? I will never know. Either way, it's safe to say my family is getting a new fridge.

[–] I_poop_from_there 12 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

My ass hits the asphalt at 120km/h, not entirely sure I will still be capable of pooping from there after that.

[–] ickplant 11 points 1 year ago

I’m pooping, so no bueno.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago

I'm falling down my apartment building's stairwell. Ow.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I'm midway through the wall and no longer on the toilet.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago

I'm have been removed from my current chair and I'm now sitting in a different chair.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I'll be done worrying about work today, I tell you what.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] marshadow 9 points 1 year ago

Part of me is outside, part is inside, and part is stuck in the wall.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago

I fall out of my chair

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago

Just squirted shit all over my neighbors floor

[–] morphballganon 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I fall the two feet back onto the bed

[–] Jimbabwe 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Still In Bed Crew rise up!!!

..or not

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] humdrumgentleman 7 points 1 year ago

Me and another churchgoer now occupy the same space. I'm on my phone; I wonder what she did to deserve this.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago (3 children)

My head and torso are inside my bedroom wall but my legs are not.

[–] SirQuackTheDuck 5 points 1 year ago

So you're an NPC in an average AAA-game?

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago

in the next apartment's bedroom, which belongs to a 70 year old lady who insisted that I need to eat more fruits (she always has some fruits ready to give out every time she sees me).

[–] Tier1BuildABear 7 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I would be in my bed because I'm laying on my left side and have a thick bed

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] BenLeMan 7 points 1 year ago

Pooping in the shower. What else is new?

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago

Now I have 3 left feet?

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago

I fall on the ground

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago

I'm now pooping outside for the neighbors to see... and probably fell over, bare-ass, struggling to figure out wtf just happened. And I'm locked out with a dirty bum; whyyyy!? Why have I been forsaken during my ~~phone~~ poop time?!

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago

Sitting on the right side of the couch, now sitting on the left side of the couch.... Merged with my dog. Very animorphs

[–] flummoxed_lummox 6 points 1 year ago

my legs are in the trashcan and I fall to the floor D:

[–] nadram 6 points 1 year ago

I am now a part of my desk. On the plus side i can still reach the keyboard :)

[–] Ticklemytip 6 points 1 year ago

I am sitting in the empty bus seat next to me. This is a slight annoyance because I prefer sitting next to the window.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Pissing standing all over the floor.

Now if it were to the right, at least I would be pissing on the shower.

[–] Papanca 6 points 1 year ago

Nothing, but my pets get a heart attack

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago

Id be nutted by a table leg then dropped on my ass.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago

I've just been teleported out of bed horizontally. My lower half falls 2 feet but I hit my head on the nightstand on the way down and end up a crumpled mess on the floor

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I'm taking a dump in my closet

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] RememberTheApollo 5 points 1 year ago

I’m now locked outside my running car. (I’m in park waiting to pick someone up, not lemmy-ing and driving!)

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago

I'm currently sitting in the leftmost seat of a bus, so I suppose I'll get injured pretty badly from colliding with the road at high speed, and possibly be run over by a car.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Which way is left? I'm in my bed, leaning on my right side. Do I get teleported 12 cm up? Otherwise I get closer to the edge of the bed and almost fall over. Probably do, because my cushion isn't below my arm anymore

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago

I am now clipping through a cafe table, emotionally scarring the other patrons by dying from bifurcation in front of them

[–] LazaroFilm 4 points 1 year ago

shoulder leaning on the window, looking at the view Huh? Wait no! Waaaaaaahhhh…… splat.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

I'm suffocating in a wall I guess

load more comments
view more: next ›