this post was submitted on 06 Nov 2023
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Asklemmy

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Hello you awesome people,

Friends are having a boy and everyone they know wants to push a name on the child. So I decided to be the best friend they could have and to offer only bad, ugly or horrendous names to the lucky parents so they could have a laugh. I already send them some names and dictators, Smeagol, Steve and Juan-Esteban.

So please, people or Lemmy, give me the worst names you could give a child, so that I can help them as a good friend!

Ps: don't worry, I've already planned some meals to drop off when the gremlin will be there to feed the parents. And some take-out vouchers so they won't get food poisoning

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[–] mypasswordis1234 156 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (3 children)
[–] [email protected] 27 points 1 year ago

The only way to escape a name like that is to take a phallic rocket to mars and start a new colony

[–] [email protected] 22 points 1 year ago (2 children)

The only winner here is his sister who's name was not as publicized. Exa Dark Siderael

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[–] cheese_greater 13 points 1 year ago (10 children)

How do you even pronunce that?

[–] Kevo 37 points 1 year ago (4 children)

No joke, it's pronounced Kyle. It's the Greek letter chi, the dipthong æ which is called an æsc (pronounced ash) that makes a sound similar to the "a" in "cat" but shorter, and A-12 stands for "alphabet 12" or the 12th letter of the alphabet which is L. So chi-æ-l or kinda like a two syllable "Kyle"

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[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (3 children)
[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 year ago (1 children)

It's only pronounced that way because he's a dick's son.

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[–] [email protected] 128 points 1 year ago (9 children)

Bob, short for Bobert. So that every time he has to say his full name to anyone on the phone or fill out forms somewhere, he has to repeatedly explain that, no, it's not Robert, it's Bobert.

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[–] [email protected] 112 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Robert'); DROP TABLE Students;--

[–] [email protected] 63 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Little Bobby Tables as we call him.

[–] ASeriesOfPoorChoices 77 points 1 year ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 68 points 1 year ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 68 points 1 year ago (3 children)
[–] justhach 62 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (3 children)

I dont know about that.

See, this world is rough, and if a man's gonna make it, he's gotta be tough. If a father knew he wouldn't be there to help his son along he could, hypothetically, give him that name, say goodbye, and know his son would have to get tough or die.

That very name would then help to make him strong.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 year ago

Right but everyone would be like "haha sue like the song" and he'd get so annoyed

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[–] [email protected] 55 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Only if Pube is considered as it's diminutive!

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[–] [email protected] 54 points 1 year ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 year ago (1 children)

That wouldn't fly with the city clerk in Belgium. But then again, one can always try!

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 year ago

Should have made a joke with "nein", but people would be Fuhrerious about it!

[–] yenahmik 52 points 1 year ago (8 children)

I once knew someone who refused to tell anyone the name they chose before the baby was born (absolutely valid choice, IMO). The grandpa-to-be chose to exclusively refer to the fetus as Beelzebub.

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[–] [email protected] 48 points 1 year ago (3 children)
  • Spanko
  • Twallypod
  • Roooooo
  • Meganginipple
  • Nipple
  • Craig
  • Nart
  • Puddin
  • Sue
  • Ticksy
  • Ewwgross
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[–] [email protected] 41 points 1 year ago (3 children)

First, anything ending in -ayden. 2-4, I'm just going to list a few real names I've heard. Middles included.

Wynter Obsidian

Ocean Zebediah

Buck Shot

[–] Rolando 22 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Dude, "Buck Shot" is awesome. That kid is pretty much guaranteed to be an astronaut with a name like that.

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[–] Hamartia 14 points 1 year ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 33 points 1 year ago
[–] [email protected] 31 points 1 year ago (2 children)
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[–] [email protected] 29 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Grzegorz Brzęczyszczykiewicz

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[–] Asudox 28 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Jugemu Jugemu Go-Kō-no-Surikire Kaijari-suigyo no Suigyō-matsu Unrai-matsu Fūrai-matsu Kū-Neru Tokoro ni Sumu Tokoro Yaburakōji no Burakōji Paipo Paipo Paipo no Shūringan Shūringan no Gūrindai Gūrindai no Ponpokopii no Ponpokonaa no Chōkyūmei no Chōsuke

[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 year ago (7 children)

What?!? What a coincidence! My name is also Jugemu Jugemu Go-Kō-no-Surikire Kaijari-suigyo no Suigyō-matsu Unrai-matsu Fūrai-matsu Kū-Neru Tokoro ni Sumu Tokoro Yaburakōji no Burakōji Paipo Paipo Paipo no Shūringan Shūringan no Gūrindai Gūrindai no Ponpokopii no Ponpokonaa no Chōkyūmei no Chōsuke!

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[–] [email protected] 27 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Open a random page in any P. G. Wodehouse novel and you’re good to go! Gussie Fink-Nottle, Bingo Little, Kipper Herring, Stiffy Byng. Or, my personal fave, add in an extra letter like he did for his character Psmith, where, he explains, the “p” is silent, "as in pshrimp.”

[–] Lauchs 27 points 1 year ago (2 children)

A friend went with Gilbert, which seems like a strong contender.

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[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 year ago (1 children)
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[–] Sir_Fridge 17 points 1 year ago

Biggus And then convince them to change their last name into Dikkus

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 year ago

Organ farm #17.

[–] Rolando 16 points 1 year ago
[–] thorbot 16 points 1 year ago (2 children)
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[–] thrjfjfjfhs 16 points 1 year ago

We had a mother and baby possum on our fence that we nicknamed Methany and Rolexxus.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 year ago (1 children)
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[–] mrmule 14 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Alexa That's just gotta be annoying for everyone when your smart home device kicks into action every time your name is called.

[–] [email protected] 26 points 1 year ago

That's a pretty long name.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Any "creative" spelling of a common name.

e.g., Jahnithun.

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[–] MIDItheKID 13 points 1 year ago

Just take any normal name and putt a z at the end to spice it up.

Kevinz Frankz Markz

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I know of someone who named her son "Scrotum".

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago

Deuteronomy

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