this post was submitted on 31 Oct 2023
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Unstoppable javelinas love coyote pee like it’s “bacon bits in their salad.” Here's why golf courses are peeved

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[–] eran_morad 160 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

Golf course in a fkn desert. These pigs are doing humanity a favor.

[–] DragonAce 55 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

This was exactly my thought. Most people skimmed over the part of the article that talks about the insane amount of water used annually by these fucking wastes of space. No golf courses should fucking exist, they carve out hundreds of acres of land and wipe out tons of local flora and fauna, all so a bunch of old rich fucks can get drunk every day and hit a stupid fucking ball around.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago

But but but! Golf courses only used 2% of the states daily water! That's nothing!! /s

[–] agent_flounder 8 points 1 year ago

While they use reclaimed water down there the whole thing is still fucking stupid.

[–] [email protected] 61 points 1 year ago (1 children)

"After doing bumps of Coyote piss" was not a sentence I was expecting to read at 5:30 in the morning.

But here we are.

[–] Illuminostro 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

You gotta key I can borrow?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

Nah but I got some pee you can have.

[–] nutsack 49 points 1 year ago (3 children)
[–] [email protected] 24 points 1 year ago

Golf courses in the middle of the desert are even more stupid.

[–] madcaesar 13 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Hot take: It's not a sport! If a morbidly obese 80 year old can do it, it's not a sport...

[–] ChonkyOwlbear 8 points 1 year ago

If golf is a sport then so is miniature golf.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I mean, a morbidly obese octogenarian could pay rugby... Once... Briefly...

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

And all mushrooms are edible...

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

It's a glorified game of fetch with oneself. They hit the ball and then they look for it for hours.

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[–] CryptidBestiary 41 points 1 year ago

Good, I hope they tear it all up. Golf course use an insane amount of water, even when they're located in the desert or a place where droughts are common.

[–] FuglyDuck 36 points 1 year ago (2 children)

So.... I have an idea.

Maybe, if they're a problem everywhere else, people should just trap them and.... release them on the golf course.

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[–] sagrotan 30 points 1 year ago (1 children)

At our golf course they actually embrace the animals. Everyone is just stop playing if there's a possibility of hitting a deer, the pig holes are just additional bunkers, they closed a hole because of many nesting birds. If you wanna play in nature, you're just a guest.

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[–] [email protected] 26 points 1 year ago (6 children)

I live in the general area, and yes, javelinas are a constant problem for everyone. Most peoples' yards are fenced off for that very reason.

If you're wondering what a javelina is, it's what the rest of the world calls a peccary. It looks like a wild boar. Also, don't try to get bacon bits off of it; they've got a scent gland that instantly destroys the flavor of the meat if it's pierced. (Even if the scent gland is left intact, it's a toss up as to whether you'd be able to stomach that meat.)

[–] CatsGoMOW 33 points 1 year ago (1 children)

It’s like an anti-theft ink tag. 😂

[–] Illuminostro 12 points 1 year ago
[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 year ago (1 children)

The culinary portion of this comment seems seasoned with experience and regret.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

Nah, just research. "They're pigs, right? Why don't people just cook them and eat them?" A few Google searches made the answer abundantly clear. (Also, javelinas just plain stink. It's a skunk-like odor, and who'd want to eat whatever is making that smell?)

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[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 year ago (1 children)

When they say "wild pig-like animals" I immediately imagine some sort of gang of never before seen tribal pigmen.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 year ago (1 children)

ManBearPig. It is half man, half bear, and half pig.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)
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[–] Treczoks 22 points 1 year ago

In a desert state like Arizona, a golf course is an abomination from the word go. Let nature have their way with it: They provided a wet paradise in the desert, and the animals come to make use of it.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

#TeamJavelina

[–] rtxn 21 points 1 year ago (5 children)

Oh no, the 30-50 feral hogs!

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[–] agent_flounder 18 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Javelinas... narrow pigs I call em. (They're Peccaries).

Not surprised they're encroaching golf courses. They were all over the desert suburbs years ago.

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA 14 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I thought javelinas were pigs you could throw

[–] I_Fart_Glitter 7 points 1 year ago (1 children)

You can if you're brave enough. Just watch out for the stink nipple.

[–] SeabassDan 5 points 1 year ago

The spicy tooth

[–] samus12345 5 points 1 year ago
[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 year ago

Piss on your local golf course today!

[–] FartsWithAnAccent 15 points 1 year ago

Can confirm: Am delighted.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 year ago

that's really unfortunate. if only the private country clubs could afford to repair the golf greens in the desert.

[–] So_zetta_slowpoke 10 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Back in my day you'd be lucky to see a javelina. Now you just want to kill em. Must be fuckin' nice!

[–] exixx 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

We ought to leave this world behind

[–] So_zetta_slowpoke 4 points 1 year ago

If my wife were here, she'd tell you that there's a special place in heaven for animal lovers.

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[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago

I read that as wild pug-like animals at first. Sounded cute.

[–] FMT99 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

A large pig-like animal, most likely a pig, has wandered onto the golf course in search of food.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Not just any pig. It's a skunk pig.

[–] Illuminostro 5 points 1 year ago (2 children)
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