this post was submitted on 07 Feb 2025
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Not The Onion

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[–] Duamerthrax 45 points 1 day ago (1 children)

They can. It's called Work From Home.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 day ago

That’s why they can’t

[–] Badeendje 45 points 2 days ago (1 children)

And pay them with company specific crypto they can spend in the company store.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 day ago (1 children)

You push 16 branches, and what do you Git?

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Another day older and more tech debt

[–] mojofrododojo 7 points 1 day ago

@saint_peter don't you page me, 'cause I crashed the repo----

I owe my soul

to the bezostore

[–] SpaceNoodle 48 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Oh, for fuck's sake. I started reading this thinking it was satire, and after it just kept going did I realize that this was serious, and not just some long-form ribbing.

[–] Gumus 15 points 2 days ago (1 children)

We really need a term opposite to "eat the onion".

[–] SpaceNoodle 24 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I really shat the yam on that one.

[–] rovingnothing29 6 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I don't know. I think the opposite of an onion would be an orange not a yam.

[–] ettyblatant 11 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (2 children)

Well the opposite of eat would be barf, so, "horked the orange"?

Edit: a word

[–] idiomaddict 2 points 2 days ago

I thought horking was snorting. Huh. I wonder whether that’s ever led to communication issues.

[–] rovingnothing29 3 points 2 days ago
[–] sylver_dragon 67 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I owe my soul to the company store.....

[–] UndulyUnruly 11 points 2 days ago

Next stop, severance minus the outie part.

[–] [email protected] 33 points 2 days ago

Corporations: "We will literally do anything to avoid giving our employees dedicated workspace where they can do their job uninterrupted."

[–] ChicoSuave 25 points 2 days ago

Company towns coming back as company apartments.

[–] Maalus 8 points 1 day ago (1 children)

That's what happened here. The mines gave apartments to the miners. The higher ups lived in better ones etc. Worked out well till the mines weren't profitable anymore

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 day ago (3 children)
[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 day ago

Can I pay in company scrips?

[–] Maalus 3 points 1 day ago

Nah, Europe isn't as ducked as the US, the apartments just went to them and the city moved away from mining

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 day ago

This reminds me of the Onion episode where the staff from two different car manufacturing plants fight for there jobs.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 2 days ago (1 children)

in the key of G "and I sold my soul to the company stoooooooore"

[–] glimse 6 points 2 days ago

Glad to see someone on the same page. I read the title and immediately thought SAINT PETER DONTCHA CALL ME 'CAUSE I CAN'T GOOOOOOO

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 days ago

It happens, sometimes, if you're hiring someone to work in a remote location. Oil rig workers, say.

[–] P1k1e 8 points 2 days ago

SCP 001 : 05 the Factory

[–] TrueStoryBob 11 points 2 days ago (1 children)

"No, no, no, it's not a company town... it's a company tower... which is completely different. By the way, did you meet Brian? He's the new manager of the convenience store the company opened in the lobby. It's right next to the company elementary school. You can use the company issued script to buy stuff there, it's great!"

[–] ProfessorProteus 6 points 2 days ago

I'm sure it was your autocorrect, but for anyone who doesn't know it, the term is "scrip" :)

Wait, I should type :( because it's a very depressing concept.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 days ago

No. They are absolutely desperate to get people to return to office aren’t they?

I’ve said it many times now. The workhouses are coming back.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Why not cut this slippery slope crap and just go straight to slavery?

[–] [email protected] 23 points 2 days ago (1 children)

they stopped themselves from being literally The Onion just in time

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I find it hard to believe he'd just table the idea at that point.

[–] Agent641 3 points 1 day ago

After the employees realise it's just slaves

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Slaves are more expensive since you have to treat them as capital.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 days ago

Nah, you generally can depreciate capitalized assets /s

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[–] mrfriki 13 points 2 days ago

Sure, let me take a dump on your desk too.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 days ago (2 children)

I get the dystopia but if a company gave me an apartment in the city along with family healthcare where they pay 100% of medical costs. I would take minimum wage.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

And your employer would own you. You couldn't afford to ever tell them "No".

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 day ago

are you kidding. I would be able to save more than ever before and have an easier time leaving.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 day ago

I mean to get that I would need to make well over six figures to have all that.

[–] vane 6 points 2 days ago

Why not let children live in womb ?

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 days ago (1 children)

To actually address the question, it's because commercial buildings don't (generally) meet residential building code requirements, even if there's a kitchenette and a shower, etc. They are simply not meant for the same purpose or to be occupied 24/7 unless they were engineered that way from the start, which is exceedingly rare. A lot of office buildings have floor-to-ceiling windows and complex HVAC systems simply to make sure people aren't cold, breathing stale air, or too humid/dry, so they also use a lot of energy.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 day ago

Also fire safety, if you have people sleeping in the building you need a much higher level of protection.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 days ago (1 children)

No, let them work from home.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 days ago (1 children)

That's the idea.
When the office becomes the home, they are working from home.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Do you want your office to be home?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 days ago

No. I like having two different places for work stuff and not work stuff.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 days ago

Abso-fucking-lutely not.

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