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Shitty Pro Tips:
Turn on Google Maps Location History and act like a "normie". (You should probably do this for a few months to establish a good and lenthy history)
Then when you want to do ~~murder~~ surprise deprivation of someone's life, leave your phone at home and use a pre-recorded voice of you that would activate and use the Google/Siri assistant at the same time as when you do the deed.
Voila, ez alibi!
Even better, my location history proves I regularly go on 5 hour drives in the middle of the night so it's not at all out of character that I drove to the middle of the woods where the body was found at 3am
wait that's not a good thing is it
what do you mean they found more bodies
Now you gotta tell us where are you driving to at night. No I am not a fed, I just work in the sunglass store.
To be fair, if you're going to do something really illegal, you shouldn't bring your phone with you anyway, or at least put it on airplane mode. Even without Google Maps, the cell towers will triangulate your approximate location and time, and it's basically the first thing police pull if there's a crime in an area.
You'll also probably need to make sure you conceal your face as you walk by a million ring doorbell cameras, because those will rat you out and disprove your alibi.
I wouldn't even trust Airplane mode, it can and will still keep GPS active and potentially log it in a way that can be accessed later. You do not truely "own" any modern cellphone and you should not consider any single activity or communication that you do on it to be private or secure.
Mm… haven’t read that but sounds right.
I might be comfortable committing a crime if I had a time machine but barring that I’d just drive from the crime scene to the precinct.
They still don’t solve them all, so it’s not impossible to get away with it
It's not like the police have access to every cell phone and can lookup who was where and when. You have to first become a suspect.
Phones send airtag-like signals when turned completely off nowadays.
I mean, I'd probably mess up so that why I don't do crime. Doesn't matter if its an "honorable" crime like robin hood stuff, I'd most likely just fuck up and lool like a fool, and the government will use my attempt as an excuse to increase surveillance and divert more tax dollars to cops.
I'm just not that type of person, so don't count on me for any revolutionary acts.
Welp, I think the detectives know who to DM when we see a rise of murders in "a few months"
Yeah turns out, "sitting in my room alone playing video games," isn't much of an alibi. I should get some hobbies that involve people. Like...multi-player games.
This is why there are so many Twitch streamers. They get nothing out of it except for a perfect alibi.
Funny story, (Funny might not be the right word) there actually was a killer who murdered his girlfriend because she was pregnant and didn't want an abortion.
In order to cover for this, he found out exactly how long it'd take to get to her house and back, recorded him playing GTA for that long.
He was found out because cameras on the street found him walking near her house, during the "live" event.
There were also bugs in the stream where the message "Time to die" showed up (in the context of an "ad" for a James Bond film), which were just his little way of bragging about his crime, like he was the Riddler or something.
He did too good a job with his timing, because the "glitch" happened pretty much exactly at the time of death.
I've seen enough of these "Perfect Murder Fails" go wrong, and it's usually people who think they're more clever than they really are pretty much giving all the evidence to the police.
I know of another where a film maker rented an old house, made it look like a stereotypical serial killer's lair, filmed part of a low budget horror movie on it, and then killed a guy there.
"See, it looks like a murder happened here, but the brilliant part is: It's a set for a movie that I can prove I've been making! Meaning I can just not clean up after my own killing and hide in plain sight! Aaaaaand they're testing the fake blood I used because it doesn't look or smell anything like costume blood.... And I left my manifesto cleverly disguised as my script in the car that they can now search because the blood tested positive for being real blood, meaning probable cause. I'll just say it's my own blood and I wanted it to be realistic! That can salvage this! Oh right tests like that also kinda tell you who's blood it is, meaning they know it's the victms.... and my "script" describes the victim's wounds so perfectly it can't be coincidence... Wow, I'm fucked."
The story of the filmmaker is probably one of the funniest true crime stories I've ever heard. Obviously, the murder itself is incredibly tragic, because that shitstain just catfished some random guy and murdered him in cold blood purely to stroke his ego, but the story literally feels like a dark comedy.
However, the dude thought he was basically Dexter and far more intelligent than he actually was. He wrote a fucking screenplay describing himself as this super genius sex machine, while documenting his crime in great detail and claiming it was just a coincidence the murder lined up almost identically. Then the way he tried to cover his tracks were so comically inept, it only made his guilt even more obvious.
Thats honesty pretty clever.
completelynormalthingtodo but sometimes i think about the perfect alibi for a crime and how you could pre-record a livestream with an excuse like "today i'm playing a VR game so sorry chat if i don't interact with you much this stream!" if you're feeling brave at the end say a vague "thank you all for watching, and thank you so much for all the donations, if you want it read though next time donate when i can see the chat haha" and would you look at that, thousands of witnesses saw you livestreaming at home, twitch.tv itself will confirm the exact time you went "live"
then all you'd have to do is get rid of the original file, best if you physically destroyed the disk it was on to prevent any chance of data recovery
probably has some flaws but i did think of it in the shower so don't use it to do crime
I just read an old [1940s?] mystery where the culprit records himself on a new fangled phonograph record and then uses that to cover his crime. His employees know he's in the habit of locking his door and playing loud music/talking to himself while he works, so no one suspects locks the door to his office. Later they all swear he was at work when the murder occurred.
There is a dude who did exactly that while committing a murder and got caught. I think this article is talking about the case I'm thinking of: https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2023/feb/02/man-charged-with-ni-faked-live-stream-to-provide-alibi
It's ok, your phone tracks your location.
So leave it at home when you go on that crime spree.
even better, lend it to a friend to carry around town
That's one of the main points in the podcast Serial. It opens with a question like, "do you remember where you were on Tuesday at 4:45 five weeks ago?"
The person accused of the crime was a highschool student on the 90s before smart phones. When they said they were at track practice after school, it then became "can you prove where you were?"
Somewhat fortunately modern technology solved most of this. It's just a matter of asking the right company to provide proof.
That actually played a part in it as well. Ultimately the kid was convicted because of cell phone location data. Part of the controversy was that an expert for the telephone company didn't testify at the time that the data was inaccurate.
tbh i don't even know how many days ago christmas was.
This is why it's common in the black community to get a receipt whenever you buy anything. You can't prove where you are at all times, but you can prove that you were at a particular time and place. Might save you from being railroaded for a crime you didn't commit.
"When the heck would I ever need to prove I paid for a doughnut?"
"When you're being tried for murder and the only alibi you got is buying a doughnut."
Damn, never thought of that. There's a REASON I might need to prove I bought a doughnut!
I have never heard that before, but that makes a depressing amount of sense.
And not so you are not accused of stealing? That's my reason of getting receipts.
I was at home, posting on Lemmy.
Strange. I'm at home posting on Lemmy but I don't see you anywhere. GUILTY!
What a strage thing for you to say, since I was at home posting on Lemmy, yet you were nowhere to be seen!!!
I like all the suggestions in here about how to avoid getting caught for murder through your phone
My tip for not getting caught would be: probably don't murder someone in the first place unless they really really deserve it
There are nearly 3000 billionaires worldwide. Collectively they own 14 trillion in wealth.
This is nearly double all of the wealth held by every other person in the world, combined.
That's why my dad told me to always get a receipt. It's not a business thing, it's an alibi thing!
Is he still getting cigarettes?
Mines got a twenty year trail of receipts. The stores keep mailing them to us & it’s the only way we know where he is
I’ve been watching a lot of those documentaries and they are just making me hate the police even more. Most come down to complete ineptitude and ignorance by the police who are ignoring red flags and being lazy idiots
I think if you have a Fitbit or something similar on they can prove where you are?
Just having your phone should do that.
So, so many crimes are solved mainly through phone metadata
Just remember boys and girls, leave your phone at home when you go murder.
Wear a mask that looks like a humans face, use common pistols or just stab the man, keep it quiet and use outfits that you can abandon with ease, check for cameras a week prior, find a safehouse that you either broke into or can guarantee it's safety