this post was submitted on 13 Jun 2024
1116 points (99.1% liked)

Programmer Humor

19623 readers
89 users here now

Welcome to Programmer Humor!

This is a place where you can post jokes, memes, humor, etc. related to programming!

For sharing awful code theres also Programming Horror.

Rules

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 230 points 5 months ago (33 children)

and god help you if you ever use any of them, obviously you have time to play games you don't have enough work to do. It's all for show.

I remember a Meta recruiter reached out to me. We had a couple of talks, and then on one of them I asked "So how's the work life balance"

Oh it's great! We have a 24/7 cafeteria here, so if you ever need a snack it's always available. We have sleeping pods, so you can easily sleep, and even 24/7 laundry services, so it's all around a very relaxing place.

Uhhh yeah man. I'm not some kid fresh out of college. I own a home, and I'm very aware of my work time vs my personal time. Hard pass all around. Kids, if the company sounds too good to be true, there's an ulterior motive. Those things sound super great..... but they're of course all meant to keep you working around the clock, meeting deadlines. The companies aren't "hip" or "cool", it's all to attract you, and then work you to the bone. A strict 40 hour work week is better than foosball anyday.

I know I'm preaching to the choir but for the people interviewing for their first software gig - well maybe one of them will read this.

[–] _sideffect 71 points 5 months ago (3 children)

I agree with work life balance, but working at meta for 2-3 years for $300k might be worth the sacrifice

[–] [email protected] 60 points 5 months ago (4 children)

If I were a kid right out of college, I'd honestly consider it. The key is truly knowing what you're getting into. Companies gobble up those kids out of college because they're naiive, and they want to prove themselves. MAANG knows that and take advantage of it. As long as you're aware of that going into it, and plan to use them too, then go for it. Just don't plan to be a lifer, know that they don't care about you going in.

[–] Skullgrid 50 points 5 months ago (1 children)

MAANG

deadname the pricks, you're already doing it for google. it's facebook

[–] [email protected] 15 points 5 months ago (4 children)

MAAAN would be a much better acronym though

load more comments (4 replies)
[–] [email protected] 10 points 5 months ago

Get in with the full idea of being a parasite, doing the barest minimum work possible while getting friendly with higher ups. It's not like doing a good job there would be better for the customers/end users anyway

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] cm0002 24 points 5 months ago (5 children)

$300k might be worth the sacrifice

Right? I realistically just need 150k/yr to be stable in my area, I could chuck the other 150k/yr into savings and quit after 3 years with 450k in the bank

load more comments (5 replies)
[–] [email protected] 15 points 5 months ago

My soul is worth more than that, and I don't even have one.

[–] owenfromcanada 38 points 5 months ago (5 children)

My office has two ping pong tables. They're literally roped off with caution tape, and nobody is allowed to use them. I wish I were kidding.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 5 months ago

Jesus, it's like a cargo cult.

Also, happy cake day. Death to Reddit.

load more comments (4 replies)
[–] [email protected] 27 points 5 months ago (1 children)

The companies aren't "hip" or "cool"

I believe the industry term is "agile".

[–] [email protected] 23 points 5 months ago

Nah that just means they can't plan for shit and are constantly fighting fires.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 5 months ago

Those things sound super great..... but they're of course all meant to keep you working around the clock, meeting deadlines.

This is not going to be universally true at all big tech-companies. There are places with perfectly reasonable WLB on top of huge salaries and fantastic perks.

These places are usually big enough that you're going to see extremes on both ends within the same company - some departments with huge deadline pressure cultures, and some with highly relaxed work settings. It can be a bit of a gamble.

load more comments (29 replies)
[–] [email protected] 94 points 5 months ago (12 children)

When employers can't afford pizza parties, they come up with stuff like "dogs at work"

[–] [email protected] 34 points 5 months ago (1 children)

I'm amazed when companies can't simply afford 100% remote work. IT'S FREE!

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 18 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (4 children)

i work for a big multinational and there was this woman who walks around with a little yappy thing. she's the only one and i haven't seen any rules about it in the employee handbook. i think she just turned up with it one day.

load more comments (4 replies)
[–] olutukko 11 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (5 children)

I mean I would fucking love somme puppies at work. but also pizza. pizza is good.

my old workplace used to have free breakfast which was the shit. freshly baked bread from local bakery and all sorts of toppings too, it was so nice to go to work, do stuff maybe 30minutes and just go to coffee break and eat some super good bread. and that was every day

load more comments (5 replies)
load more comments (9 replies)
[–] [email protected] 82 points 5 months ago (3 children)

I wish I hadn't needed to learn these lessons about start ups by working in start ups. I just want to be a mailman or something at this point.

[–] [email protected] 53 points 5 months ago (2 children)

That's crazy to me because I had the exact opposite experience. I went in hoping for a certain amount, and they offered me knowing full well what I was hoping for, 20,000 more. Plus all the other benefits like video games and dogs at work. In fact I don't think I've ever had a bad experience with startups except that your job is essentially temporary cuz they will either close or sell

[–] Stovetop 37 points 5 months ago (2 children)

If they offered you 20,000 more than what you expected, might be you are underselling your actual worth and could have negotiated for more.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Or they knew they weren't going to last more than 1 year, so why not spend all that tasty VC money?

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] TropicalDingdong 14 points 5 months ago

That or dumb money is just dumb, and if the cost of money is free, you can just guess at things that might work with thousands of monkeys hitting typewriters.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] 0110010001100010 19 points 5 months ago

I worked at a tree farm in my teens and honestly if I could still do that making what I make now I would be all over that. Always outside, in great shape, got to run heavy machinery, it was great.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 77 points 5 months ago

I'm allergic to dogs and don't drink, bad recruiter, shoo! Shoo! spray bottle noises

[–] [email protected] 39 points 5 months ago (22 children)

Foosball

Mama says foosball is the devil!

load more comments (22 replies)
[–] [email protected] 27 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (2 children)

I misread the last one as “Drugs as work, happy hours”.

[–] [email protected] 32 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (2 children)

My last job offered free beer after 4pm on fridays.

It was smart as fuck if you think about it. For the small price of a few crates of beer, you got 20+ people talking in their free time, and on the weekend, without additional pay. It was officially off-work but since most of your coworkers were there, there was a lot of work-related exchange going on.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 5 months ago

Alcohol, the strongest bonding chemical of mankind

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 26 points 5 months ago (2 children)

Bean to cup coffee machines legitimately was part of the reason i took a job at my current company.

Then during covid they downsized offices and got rid of them all.

Now all we get is instant coffee.....

scumbags......

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] LouNeko 23 points 5 months ago (5 children)

Did you say "Dogs at work"? Deal.

[–] [email protected] 32 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Some of them are your coworkers though.

[–] Cipher22 19 points 5 months ago

And not all of them are house trained.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 5 months ago

If you WFH all work is dog at work.

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] ZMoney 19 points 5 months ago (2 children)

How about you only have to work 28.8 hours a week?

[–] [email protected] 13 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Smart move. I recently upgraded from 14.4 to 33.6 and regret it.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 5 months ago

Honestly sounds like a downgrade...

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] BassaForte 19 points 5 months ago (1 children)

The only happy hours are the hours you don't work by going home early. About 2 hours per work day, to be exact.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] AnUnusualRelic 17 points 5 months ago (3 children)

So you're saying there are no cats? That could be a problem.

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] Got_Bent 16 points 5 months ago (3 children)

People bring their dogs to work all the time in my office. Fortunately, all of us are dog lovers, so we all enjoy it.

The other trend that doesn't bother me, but surprises me is that I'd estimate about two thirds of the people in my office vape at their desks.

We also have bean to cup espresso, which is nice. People will go find high end beans and contribute them. It works out nicely.

We're highly educated professionals, damnit!

[–] synapse1278 28 points 5 months ago (8 children)

Vaping indoors, at the desk ?! I would hate to work there.

load more comments (8 replies)
load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 11 points 5 months ago

everything except pay me a decent wage and let me have free time.

[–] Maiznieks 11 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Hey, we're a family now, Your best friends for a perfect work - work balance!

[–] FuglyDuck 10 points 5 months ago

“Treat your friends like family- exploit them.”
-Rules of acquisition as relayed by Quark

[–] NightShot 9 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

I stayed at a shitty job for 5 years because jobs here where you can bring your dog is non-existing. Hes gone now and every shit day was so worth it to be with him.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 5 months ago (1 children)

I bring my dog to work every day by working from home!

Smart ass answer, I know

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments
view more: next ›