this post was submitted on 05 Jun 2024
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News

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[–] [email protected] 167 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

"Former President and convicted felon Donald Trump..."

Soothes the soul

[–] Hayduke 70 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Twice impeached former single-term president and convicted felon...

I mean, damn.

[–] dyathinkhesaurus 24 points 3 weeks ago

"...convicted felon and rapist..."

[–] [email protected] 61 points 3 weeks ago

"wouldn't it be terrible if they put the former secretary of state into prison?" like Hillary Clinton was secretary of state and you still chanted "lock her up" you dork

[–] FlyingSquid 46 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

He bemoaned the fact that no jurors smiled at him.

Did they not know he wanted to be their friend?!

[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 weeks ago

No smiling? Straight to jail!

[–] [email protected] 43 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (4 children)

Questions:

  1. What exactly is that ticker scroll at the bottom? lol

  2. This dude is cracking open in real time. What's the over/under he goes full wack-a-doo and ends up having a mental breakdown and runs naked through downtown Manhattan?

^^and ^^now ^^you ^^have ^^a ^^horrible ^^mental ^^image ^^in ^^your ^^mind ^^so ^^goodnight ^^everyone!

[–] [email protected] 85 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

I can't picture him running at all.

[–] ThatWeirdGuy1001 21 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

I could see him waddling quickly down an alley with a peter griffin stomach hiding his micropenis

[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 weeks ago

It would be very slow.

[–] Today 8 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

And definitely don't want to see him naked!

[–] FlyingSquid 8 points 3 weeks ago

I kind of do only to see for myself if Stormy's tiny mushroom claim is true. I have a strong stomach.

[–] CaptainSpaceman 18 points 3 weeks ago

Can he still afford his dementia meds?

Can he afford an aide to remember to tell him to take his dementia meds?

[–] AbidanYre 11 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)
  1. What exactly is that ticker scroll at the bottom? lol

It uh, looks like we have 0% reporting... 5 months before the polls close.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 weeks ago

Technically they're correct

[–] TropicalDingdong 3 points 3 weeks ago

Watch party?

[–] [email protected] 28 points 3 weeks ago

He's really shitting himself about being sentenced isn't he? Good.

[–] ccunning 13 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

Melania’s going to jail?

[–] JesusSon 26 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

I think he means Hillary, she was the first lady and secretary of state. He has a raging chub for her.

[–] ccunning 12 points 3 weeks ago

Ok - yeah. That seems obvious now that you pointed it out.

It says a lot that he thinks of her as “the president’s wife” nearly a quarter of a century later.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 weeks ago

'Course he does. Hilary has an entire career of protesting and paper-pushing toward decent causes. Nowhere near the handcuff record Bernie has, but she's on the proper side of history.

Compared to that a lot of people who aren't Bernie would look bad. The Don could actually need to pause and reflect, and that's a terrible idea.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

They can't charge a husband and wife for the same crime.

[–] Restaldt 7 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

You should always do your crime out in the ocean. Maritime law and all that

Never sign anything. If they don't have your signature they can't prove you did anything.

There is also always money in the banana stand.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 weeks ago

Says so in the Bibo

[–] Today 3 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I thought he was going after Jill

[–] ccunning 5 points 3 weeks ago

Yeah - not sure what his thought process is. I guess I just latched on to the “…but THEY want to do it…”

[–] dogslayeggs 9 points 3 weeks ago

When you shock the Newsmax people with your rants, you know you have gone off the deep end.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 weeks ago

Former President and convicted felon Donald Trump went off the rails rapidly in a rambling interview delivered on the far-right cable network Newsmax on Tuesday night, threatening to throw former Secretary of State and 2016 presidential candidate Hillary Clinton in jail.

Queue the joke about the writers rehashing old material.