this post was submitted on 11 Feb 2024
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Programmer Humor

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[–] CookieOfFortune 83 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Is this an event for the next version of the Apple Vision Pro?

[–] [email protected] 38 points 9 months ago (4 children)

Apple Taste Pro is a white sausage-shaped devices that you shove down your throught and controls your taste buds, olfactory system and controls breathing.

[–] AtariDump 33 points 9 months ago (3 children)
[–] bruhduh 5 points 9 months ago (1 children)
[–] Klear 1 points 9 months ago

Interesting...

[–] [email protected] 5 points 9 months ago (2 children)

This would actually probably maybe work

[–] Psythik 3 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Personally I wish someone would make headphones that comes with a wireless "subwoofer" that attaches somewhere to your body and vibrates to the bass. The closest I found to this was the Skullcandy Crusher series. But the motors are in the headphones, which makes them bulky. Still, hardest hitting bass I've ever heard in a pair of headphones. It is unfortunate that a more prestigious brand won't take the concept and evolve it.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 9 months ago (1 children)

hey, i have one of those skullcandy headphones

[–] Psythik 1 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Don't get me wrong, they're amazing for bass-heavy music; they're just not so great if you care about things like imaging, sound staging, a neutral frequency response, and low latency Bluetooth, none of which the crushers are particularly good at. The Crusher Evo has such bad staging, for example, that they almost sound mono. Makes them completely worthless for movies and games (which is a shame, cause movies and games could always benefit from more bass).

[–] [email protected] 1 points 9 months ago

yeah the sound quality is not so great

[–] [email protected] 3 points 9 months ago

Even better I reckon would be to use bone conduction technology like those sports headphones, but attach it up to your sternum.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 9 months ago (1 children)

And it will have whopping 5 apps at launch and 5 more during its lifetime (maybe). You also most likely need a mortgage to buy one.

[–] gaterush 4 points 9 months ago (2 children)

I don't want to think of what the FaceTime integration would be like...

[–] [email protected] 7 points 9 months ago (1 children)

In 2010 we brought you FaceTime. Today, we are proud to announce FleshTime, the new best way to communicate with your loved ones.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 months ago (1 children)

We already have synchronized sex toys

[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 months ago

Apple always announces products like they are the only ones, except maybe with the first iphone. "this is the best iPhone yet" not the "best smartphone in the market".

Also they wouldn't call it sex toys, they would call it a whole new revolutionary class of communication devices.

[–] Brickhead92 4 points 9 months ago

iBreath™ control now available for the low price of $19.99 a month!

[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 months ago

It will project a super low-rez image of your tongue for others to see

[–] [email protected] 61 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (4 children)

I remember reading an article about how we're already able to simulate basic tastes, like sweetness and sourness, digitally. So just you wait, we might have lickable HTML elements in the future

[–] [email protected] 51 points 9 months ago (1 children)

I can imagine the malware now

[–] [email protected] 28 points 9 months ago

If you want the taste of poop out of your mouth, send bitcoin to this address.

[–] ChickenLadyLovesLife 12 points 9 months ago

Scratch-n-sniff CSS

[–] RGB3x3 10 points 9 months ago

The Snozzberries taste like Snozzberries!

[–] [email protected] 1 points 9 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 3 points 9 months ago (1 children)

I don't remember the exact article I was reading but doing a quick google search yields this one for example. And here's the actual research paper: https://www.miyashita.com/researches/1hFnR7TlUO4OXNpQFeuN30

[–] [email protected] 1 points 9 months ago

Thank you! This is super interesting!

[–] saltesc 38 points 9 months ago (2 children)

I tried to tell the computer to bugger a dataset the other day because apparently I can't type Table.Buffer()

[–] marcos 16 points 9 months ago (3 children)

Environemnt is a very common word for me to type. Good thing everybody always shortens it to env.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Used to do the same thing, but I eventually learned to memorize it as "environ-ment"

[–] Passerby6497 3 points 9 months ago

Just because I can't type it correctly doesn't mean I don't know how to spell it. My fingers just choose to spell it alternatively because its funny. Especially the 4th time I spell it wrong the same way in the row.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 months ago

The amount of times I used to quickly type dnf udpate was ridiculous. Now, I know I can just dnf up.

[–] Klear 3 points 9 months ago

I always iterate in paris.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 9 months ago

Table.Buffet

[–] [email protected] 37 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Button that works on lick, there's a sex joke there but I'm too tired to think of it

[–] Quetzalcutlass 47 points 9 months ago (1 children)

You mean to say, you're having trouble finding it?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 9 months ago (1 children)

I might but having had a go at it...yeah I'm starting to think that all that joking about how hard finding "the button" is some grand conspiracy of weaponized incompetence, I've had a couple partners now to confirm that finding "the button" is damn easy for someone who actually gives a shit about being a reciprocal partner.

You know you're doing it right when her thighs are wrapped around your head like she's trying to use your melon for a Gallagher bit. Hands clutched in your hair is even better, and if she's giving you a tempo you've got her so deep in the mood that all that's left is to follow the rhythm her body's setting for you.

It's so easy that her body will literally be telling you how to do it even better by the end if you put in the starting effort.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 9 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 3 points 9 months ago

I think an explainer is important when some old misinformed boomer humor trope is being bandied about, just happened that this one was about sex schtuff

I'd have given a similar response to references to wife bad no fault divorce is satan jokes

[–] [email protected] 21 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Spatial computing has gone too far

[–] bruhduh 1 points 9 months ago

Apple vision pro 2 be like

[–] [email protected] 12 points 9 months ago

My company doesn't appreciate my taste in programming flavors. I hoped to whet their appetite with a lunch and learn but when I tried to demo the functionality on my bosses computer I ended up being escorted from the building.