Programmer Humor

Yeah, pigs don't like to be corrected. Or made to look like they don't know what they're doing.

This argument did not go well

You can't convince people to do their job with logic when they just don't want to do their job. After minorities, the thing cops hate most is doing their job.

This didn't go down well.

IT consulting pro-tip: Customers would rather pay for your time and expertise, than be made to feel stupid that they didn't think of something so simple themselves.

I thought this had to be hyperbole, so I did the math myself. I'm assuming human history is 200,000 years as google says, and we want to narrow this down to the second the bike disappeared. also that the bike instantly vanished so there's no partially existing bike.

each operation divides the time left in half, so to get from 200k years (6.311×10^12 seconds) to 1 would take ~42.58 divisions, call it 43. even if we take a minute on average to seek and decide whether the bike is there or not it would still be less than an hour of manual sorting

hell, at 60fps it would only take another 6 divisions to narrow it down to a single frame, still under an hour

edit: to use the entire hour we'd need a couple more universes worth of video time to sort through, 36.5 billion years worth to be exact. or a measly 609 million years if we need to find that single frame at 60fps

This method will take forever to find the exact moment, said Officer Zeno.

This post just shows that the police rarely if ever review any video as this method would've been learned as a result of repeatedly reviewing video.

Part of my job is to review security footage for reported incidents.

If there is a long-lasting visual cue that the event has or has not happened yet (e.g. a window is either broken or not), then a binary search is very useful.

If the event lasts only a moment and leaves no visual cue (e.g. an assault), then binary search is practically useless.

Police try to understand anything challenge (100% impossible) (gone sexual) (gone violent)

I'm a little surprised the police didn't already know about that method. Seems like they'd encounter enough CCTV footage that'd it'd be standard training.

I once again overestimate the training levels of the police.

That's how I look for broken mods too. Move half of them into a temp folder, launch the game. If it works, put half of the sorted out ones back. if it doesn't work, remove another half and try again.

"Exactly my point. We will not be investing an hour looking at the footage to pinpoint the time of theft, now get out!"

It would have taken 5 minutes at most

“This argument didn’t go down well.”

🤣🤣🤣 LMAO

What an awesome punchline, should have been on its own line for more impact.

I'm sure it didn't go well. If it was somehow framed in a sycophantic way where the police were led to believe it was their idea, I'm sure it would have gone better. Wait that might not be too difficult to do.

When troubleshooting physical systems, it's called half-splitting

https://www.ecmweb.com/maintenance-repair-operations/article/20889049/the-beauty-of-halfsplitting

Oh yea this is how I managed to convince our building management company to identify bicycle thieves in our communal garage.

Jesus fucking Christ, I know police are dumb, in fact if your IQ is too high you can actually be legally barred from employment as a police officer in the United States of america. Look it up. But fuck incompetence of these Jokers continue to tickle my asshole in a negative way

Sounds about right. Cops have low iqs

God damn, whoever came up with that is clever. I would have never come up with that on my own.

The final project in my instrumentation class was to tune a PID controller for a hot/cold mixing valve. I (CS/ENG) was paired up with an engineering student and a lot of it was throwing parameters in, seeing if weird shit happened, and then turning down or up based on the result. I had a programming final and something else I was supposed to be studying for, so I just started doing a binary search with the knobs. We got the thing tuned relatively fast and my partner acted like I was a wizard.

just tell them there is a black man at the moment of theft, they will get on it lickety split!

This is how I look for the best bits in porn

A police officer being unable to think in such a fashion is exactly why no one could solve the see-saw riddle on Brooklyn 99.