this post was submitted on 19 Dec 2024
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No Stupid Questions

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I'm familiar with one-uppers - like if you say I only got 6 hours of sleep last night and someone has to chime in and say "that's nothing! I got only 3 hours"

So something similar to that but not one-upping.

Like if you said "I worked in a warehouse once, my boss was cool, and the work wasn't bad. " And then someone replied with, "I don't know what gravy-ass, non-real-job place you worked at, but every warehouse I have worked in sucks!"

So, the person is kind of one-upping but that the same time trying to claim that your lived experience isn't true and their experience is the way things actually are.

Is there a word for that?

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[–] Zdvarko 25 points 9 hours ago

In the trade industry here in New Zealand, we have a specific term for such a person, we generally refer to them as 'cunt'

[–] [email protected] 6 points 8 hours ago
[–] [email protected] 7 points 10 hours ago* (last edited 10 hours ago)

it's gaslighting. yep Definitely gaslighting. I totally know what gaslighting means and everything I don't like is gaslighting

or maybe it's woke. tell them to stop gaslighting you with their woke comments

/bj

[–] Openopenopenopen 64 points 17 hours ago (2 children)

I think what you are describing is either egocentric bias or experiential bias.

“ Egocentric bias is the tendency to rely too heavily on one's own perspective and/or have a higher opinion of oneself than reality. It appears to be the result of the psychological need to satisfy one's ego “

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Egocentric_bias

[–] [email protected] 7 points 16 hours ago* (last edited 16 hours ago)

Thanks, this sounds like the most accurate and precise answer to the question.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 16 hours ago

Yeah, the method used sounds like some sort of selection bias (cherry-picking or whatever you want to call it), but the motivation behind it (as there is a definite intent here to steer the discussion) is likely egocentric or just a general need to be contrarian or condescending.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 14 hours ago

The word my family uses for that is "mom".

[–] [email protected] 23 points 15 hours ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 9 points 14 hours ago

Yes- they are invalidating or minimizing your experience.

[–] AresUII 42 points 17 hours ago (3 children)
[–] [email protected] 8 points 17 hours ago

If it’s even an argument and not a simple refutation, I think it’s got to be based on personal anecdote, but it also kinda just sounds like “No, you’re wrong.” with a sprinkle of anecdote or no true Scotsman.

Argument from asininity?

[–] someguy3 5 points 17 hours ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 6 points 16 hours ago

Unless it’s stupid, then it’s anecdodo.

[–] TokenBoomer -1 points 12 hours ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 3 points 10 hours ago* (last edited 10 hours ago) (1 children)

it's a fucking stupid answer. that's not what anecdotal evidence means at all

[–] TokenBoomer 1 points 9 hours ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 hours ago (1 children)

It's just a broad umbrella concept in formal logic. what makes you think this interaction is best described by logic and not psychological or social dynamics? it's not like the fuckin dude is publishing a research paper. op has someone busting their aglets and wants to find words to describe the experience. what makes you think their chief complaint is the same concept that can describe the statement "all cats are black"

[–] TokenBoomer 2 points 8 hours ago* (last edited 8 hours ago) (1 children)

Eristics aside, I think anecdotal fits:

What is Anecdotal Fallacy?

It is an informal fallacy where a person uses personal experiences or a singular example to back their argument or stance instead of compelling evidence.

Edit: After reading the question again, and trying to understand your thoughts, I think I agree more with egocentric bias.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 8 hours ago* (last edited 8 hours ago)

ooh i see so it doesnt fall under formal logic. interesting! honestly that makes me feel even more strongly against it lol. but still more than anything it comes down to rationalizing an irrational process -- after all even speaking the language of faulty logic is a way of turning things into logic!

yea i didnt specify it in my own answer but i think egocentric bias is a good fit. however even that expression does not inherently convey the hostility that OP is experiencing!

[–] [email protected] 10 points 14 hours ago

Reminds me of the "No True Scotsman" logical fallacy based on the example you provided. Wiki article

[–] [email protected] 5 points 13 hours ago

Insecure, contrarian, infantile.

[–] TropicalDingdong 15 points 17 hours ago

Conservative/ reactionary.

No seriously. Take the time to look at the structure and framing of conservative and reactionary arguments. Its almost ALWAYS rooted in strictly their lived experience: no other lived experience matters. The answers others are giving are technically correct, but also miss how deeply rooted this particular structure is in political identity.

[–] DandomRude 5 points 13 hours ago
[–] hungrycat 12 points 17 hours ago
[–] [email protected] 11 points 17 hours ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 6 points 16 hours ago
[–] [email protected] 10 points 17 hours ago

Look, I don't know what made-up arguments you've been in, but whenever I post online, no one has ever tried to dismiss my experiences as untrue.

/s

[–] [email protected] 9 points 16 hours ago

The Linux Argument.

Non-jokes aside, there are multiple names for this. Anecdotal evidence is the primary one while confirmation bias is discarding statements (factual or fictional) that do not align with your vision.

[–] Rhynoplaz 7 points 16 hours ago

As someone with personal experience with interacting with people, I have to disagree. Nobody has EVER done anything like this, and it does not require a word.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 17 hours ago

Unsympathetic

If the people you talk to can't / won't or don't acknowledge your existence or your experience, then they are just simply unsympathetic and have little or no empathy for others.

[–] gashead76 7 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

I don’t know of a single word or bit of slang that describes that (annoying) type of personality. It’s a bit contrarian with a dash of experience hijacking. There should be a word for that though. Any ideas?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 16 hours ago

Contramaxxing?

[–] [email protected] 6 points 16 hours ago

I would call this qualia chauvinism, when people need to feel their subjective experience is universal.

[–] Aqarius 3 points 14 hours ago

Depending on the angle (a lot going on there) you could go with "denial". As in, you're lying, because if you're bot, then my life sucked, and that's unacceptable, so you're lying.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 17 hours ago (1 children)
[–] HoneyMustardGas 1 points 12 hours ago

This is the correct fallacy.

[–] solrize 4 points 17 hours ago
[–] [email protected] 2 points 14 hours ago

"Actshuuuaallyy..."

[–] randomdeadguy 3 points 16 hours ago

This person is one-upping you only to prove to themselves that their experience was justified, by making yours unjustified. I get defensive when someone brings up a workplace I struggled with. I think the perspective of the person that put your experience down as "not-real" is attacking your experience out of defense. It's rude and ugly, but the alternative is that "warehouses" are Not bad to work in, or that you are better at working a warehouse than they were. It might be emotionally painful to consider those alternatives, and it's much easier to make younger workers feel overly entitled.

[–] [email protected] -1 points 10 hours ago

thre is a phrase. its called typical internet discourse ;p

[–] [email protected] 2 points 17 hours ago

Confirmation bias.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 17 hours ago

Opinions are like arseholes, everyone’s got one

[–] [email protected] -2 points 17 hours ago (2 children)
[–] spankmonkey 3 points 16 hours ago
[–] [email protected] 2 points 15 hours ago

No, gaslighting is when you say it's sunny outside and someone argues that it's actually cloudy. You can see for yourself that it's sunny, but they insist it's not. Usually, it's not so cut-and-dry, my example is absurd to demonstrate how insane it is. Usually it's more subtle, like you're sure you put your keys on the key-hook next to the door, but your spouse says that you didn't and then finds them in the bathroom or something. You're 100% sure you put them on the hook, but your spouse is 100% sure you didn't. (Spoiler, you did, and the spouse moved them, then lied and said you must have done it. The point is to make you doubt yourself.)