this post was submitted on 03 Dec 2024
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[–] [email protected] 118 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

Girls don’t break wind, they shatter it, and that’s why they’re breathtaking. That’s what my grandfather always used to say, until my grandmother stabbed him to death during a mental episode. Would have been funny if she suffocated him, but she didn’t seem to consider my need for irony

[–] [email protected] 45 points 2 weeks ago

This was not a comment I expected to read on this post

[–] whaleross 7 points 2 weeks ago

Still a better love story than Twilight.

[–] latenightnoir 32 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I hope it's because she ate an onion-heavy dish🥰

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] latenightnoir 10 points 2 weeks ago

Onions are good AND good for you! Sure, they fuel a low-to-medium risk biological agent when digested in sufficient quantities, but it's still better than eggy farts!:)))

[–] [email protected] 26 points 2 weeks ago

I wish she would come and fart in my bed instead

[–] [email protected] 20 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I knew he was the one when we started laughing at eachother's nighttime farts.

[–] SkyezOpen 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

My girlfriend said she knew when I opened the shower curtain and used my dick as a catapult to launch water at her.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 week ago

Relationship goals

[–] aeronmelon 17 points 2 weeks ago

Like hell I’m going to let the girl of my dreams outfart me. The bedroom is going to be a hazmat crisis before I relent!

[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 weeks ago

And that's fine.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 2 weeks ago

Farting *then lifting the edge of the duvet for a quick huff

[–] proper 12 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

you’d be noseblind after a while so go for it

[–] toynbee 8 points 2 weeks ago

I have a deviated septum and therefore almost no effective sense of smell.

I have it on good authority that those around me have taken advantage of this on many occasions.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 weeks ago

The girl of my dreams doesn’t know how to remove oligosaccharides making food 🤔

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 weeks ago

I can fix her

[–] over_clox 1 points 2 weeks ago

Amber Heard, she dropped a turd...