this post was submitted on 26 Jul 2024

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Is it normal for men to be propositioned by swingers, and what makes a man an attractive candidate to swinger couples? (lemmy.autism.place)

submitted 4 months ago by [email protected] to c/asklemmy

46 comments fedilink hide all child comments

I have been propositioned by swingers quite a bit. It's to the point that if a couple is nice to me, I start getting suspicious. This has happened with acquaintances, long-time friends, people I've met at a party, co-workers, and even strangers at the beach. Three times that I can remember off the top of my head, they propositioned me and my girlfriend at the time (separate girls many years apart). Is this a normal thing? What about me could make me attractive to swinger couples?

I'm a cis-gendered straight male. As far as physical attractiveness, I would say I'm slightly above average based on what women have told me and how they treat me.

all 48 comments

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[–] AFKBRBChocolate 80 points 4 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

When I was late teens and early twenties, I kept getting propositioned by gay guys. It started to bother me - I've never been in any way homophobic, but I've also never been attracted to men - and I started to worry that there was some vibe I gave off that made people think I was gay.

Then I mentioned it to a gay guy who I knew, and he said that the vibe I give off is of someone who isn't judgemental and who wouldn't react badly to being asked. Maybe there's something similar or analogous to your situation.

Edit: propositioned, not preposition

[–] bulwark 78 points 4 months ago (3 children)

Maybe stop wearing that 🍍 shirt.

[–] [email protected] 40 points 4 months ago (2 children)

An upside-down pineapple specifically signals that someone is a swinger or is looking for swinger parties. This association likely stems from the fruit's historical connotations of wealth and welcome, evolving into a discreet way for swingers to identify each other in public or at events. Displaying a pineapple, especially upside down, can indicate an invitation to join in on swinging activities or parties

TIL

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago (1 children)

But … but my grandma’s specialty was pineapple upside-down cake??

[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Didn't you think it was weird, that she would go to "play golf", but never bring any clubs?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago (1 children)

She had a magnet on her fridge that said “I’m done with love. Fortunately there’s still sex”

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago

lmao I’m also remembering she had another one that said “Sex is my favorite sport. It’s free, it’s fun, and you don’t need special shoes”

Grandma!

[–] Dkarma 2 points 4 months ago

That's funny ..I have a ton of pineapple clothes

[–] cannedtuna 39 points 4 months ago (3 children)

My buddy got a pineapple tattooed on his arm that appears upside down when his arm hangs down. He was not aware of the meaning it carried. 😂

[–] hemmes 12 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

Oh man, I totally understand the humor in that, lol! You should post what it means so that others in the thread will know like we both know!

[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

Has it affected the way he is treated by others?

[–] cannedtuna 11 points 4 months ago

Don’t think so. I just think he’s had some swingers hit him up thinking he’s into it. He thinks it’s pretty funny now.

If you look at the dudes house he’s got pineapples everywhere, like art pieces and stuff, so it’s pretty on brand for him.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 months ago

Now that he knows:

Did you have a question, sir?

[–] cybervseas 6 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Oh my god, I have a pineapple shirt, love pointing it out to people because I find it exciting. I just like it because I think it's silly (I have a lobster shirt too). This explains some things.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago (2 children)

What does the lobster shirt mean?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago

Butt stuff

[–] cybervseas 2 points 4 months ago

That I like wearing silly collared button up shirts? I also have a white shirt with tiny tiny black skulls on it.

[–] [email protected] 43 points 4 months ago (2 children)

Normal, but not common.

You're probably hot and cool.

I've asked people to join threesomes before, and I ask hot and cool people with style.

I also suspect that if you're above average in looks to the point that not only are you aware of it but people have regularly commented on it, you're probably smoking hot or at least attractive with great style.

congrats!

[–] [email protected] 18 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I've asked people to join threesomes before, and I ask hot and cool people with style.

I first read that as you stylishly asking people to have a 3-way.

( •_•)>⌐■-■

(⌐■_■)

Hey good lookin', wanna bang?

[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Haha, yea, unintentional but fairly accurate.

I absolutely love that character-people-drawing

There's a word for that I don't know?

Type-doodle?

[–] [email protected] 9 points 4 months ago (2 children)

They're called kaomoji, like emoji. In Japanese, emoji means "image-letters" and kaomoji means "face-letters." The English word for them is probably emoticons, but that more refers to things like :-) and xD. Kaomoji can be called "Japanese emoticons."

If you have an Android phone, your keyboard has built-in kaomoji ヾ⁠(⁠ ͝⁠°⁠ ͜⁠ʖ͡⁠°⁠)⁠ノ⁠♪. You can access them by opening up the emoji panel at the bottom left, then tapping the ":-)" button at the bottom right, which contains some western emoticons but many categories of kaomoji

[–] [email protected] 9 points 4 months ago

Talk about TIL.(⁠+⁠_⁠+⁠)

Fascinating.＼⁠(⁠°⁠o⁠°⁠)⁠／

Thank you.(⁠ ⁠´⁠◡⁠‿⁠ゝ⁠◡⁠`⁠)

[–] Iron_Lynx 4 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I was today years old when I learned that that is a feature in my phone keyboard (⁠✷⁠‿⁠✷⁠)

Thanks, kind stranger

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago

At your service (￣^￣)ゞ

[–] [email protected] 40 points 4 months ago (1 children)

#humblebrag

[–] [email protected] 19 points 4 months ago

This is not a humblebrag. This is overt, and hence infinitely more respectable than a humblebrag.

[–] FunnyUsername 28 points 4 months ago (2 children)

It's 2024, people are more open minded to things that aren't cis monogamous relationships, and you may just be seeing the results of that as a "slightly" above average attractive man.

P.s. you might be in the sweet spot of attractive. Better looking than most, but still approachable. It takes balls to ask a George Clooney type for a 4 way.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 4 months ago (1 children)

It’s 2024, people are more open minded to things that aren’t cis monogamous relationships,

This has been going on since like 2006.

you might be in the sweet spot of attractive. Better looking than most, but still approachable.

I think this might be it. I've had friends that meet several women every time they go out, so I know they're seen as attractive. I have never received the type of attention they have, but I have had ex partners, friends, and acquaintances give me respectful compliments.

[–] Lost_My_Mind 2 points 4 months ago

Pssshhhhh.....George Clooney......the smug bastard.

[–] KuroiKaze 15 points 4 months ago (1 children)

This happens to me a lot and the reason I think it does is because I'm good looking enough that the woman could potentially get herself in the mindset that I'm attractive but not so good looking or masculine that I intimidate her existing boyfriend. I'm in that sweet spot of approachable non-judgmental, in decent shape, good attitude, kinky predilections, and I can make people laugh.

I have been approached double digits number of times which led me down the same thought path as you.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I have been approached double digits number of times which led me down the same thought path as you.

Yess, right‽ It's odd. I was like, "What is going on??" I think you might be on the ball. I'm attractive enough for the woman, but not too attractive to intimidate the man. Also, thinking about what people have said, I now remember that I asked a gay guy that was into kink about it. He said that my initial presentation is that I look non-judgmental and down for whatever. Basically, I seem like someone that could possibly be interested in it, but would be chill about it if I wasn't.

[–] KuroiKaze 5 points 4 months ago

We're low risk targets lol

[–] WeevilFriend 14 points 4 months ago (1 children)

For me it's happened twice overtly and I suspect once that didn't become an explicit request. I'm vocally monogamous, I'm not very social, and I'm still kinda young so I feel like those numbers are pretty high. For me I feel like it's how I present myself and act, which is pretty stereotypically "queer." Once that gets picked up on by other couples I think they seem more interested.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Ooh! This might have something to do with it. I don't make any effort to be extra masculine (a bro). And, if I feel like doing something feminine, I do it. Sometimes I do something feminine just to prove a point.

Disclaimer: I'm using masculine and feminine stereotypes prescribed by dominant hetero-normative culture. I don't really believe in those things like that.

[–] WeevilFriend 1 points 4 months ago

That's a good way of putting it! I normally act without regard for perceptions of masculinity or femininity and I feel like that's appealing for couples looking for a third.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 months ago

I can't say it's common, and wouldn't ever have considered asking some random good looking guy to join us, but straight guy MFM is probably more common than you think. When men on the internet talk about threesomes they seem to be thinking about 2 women, but I've only done the other kind and it seems like way more fun - I'm straight so nothing really exciting about adding another woman, but two guys? So many things you can do whether they are into each other or not.

I do think it's more common for couples to approach women though, as I have been propositioned by couples and probably all women have.

[–] Anticorp 7 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

What about me could make me attractive to swinger couples?

Probably

As far as physical attractiveness, I would say I'm slightly above average based on what women have told me and how they treat me.

Although, I was considered handsome as a younger man, and I've never been propositioned by swingers. I guess my attitude might have had something to do with that. I was a bad boy, and generally trouble. I did get propositioned by gay men a lot. Idk what's up with that.

[–] daddy32 6 points 4 months ago

Interesting. Just as a single datapoint, I have been well above average of attractiveness some parts of my life for women. Have never been proposed this. Guess how males perceive you is also important. I have been approached by gay men few times. No conclusions I can make :)

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago

Donald from Benidorm would like to - know your location

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

It wasn’t unusual when I used to go out when I was younger. I don’t really know why people would ask me, or, rather, what made people think it was OK to ask me. I did take them up on it once in a while.

[–] [email protected] -2 points 4 months ago

Guy came here to brag about his bodycount.