Please don't post about US Politics. If you need to do this, try [email protected]
1) Be nice and; have fun
Doxxing, trolling, sealioning, racism, and toxicity are not welcomed in AskLemmy. Remember what your mother said: if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. In addition, the site-wide Lemmy.world terms of service also apply here. Please familiarize yourself with them
2) All posts must end with a '?'
This is sort of like Jeopardy. Please phrase all post titles in the form of a proper question ending with ?
3) No spam
Please do not flood the community with nonsense. Actual suspected spammers will be banned on site. No astroturfing.
4) NSFW is okay, within reason
Just remember to tag posts with either a content warning or a [NSFW] tag. Overtly sexual posts are not allowed, please direct them to either [email protected] or [email protected].
NSFW comments should be restricted to posts tagged [NSFW].
5) This is not a support community.
It is not a place for 'how do I?', type questions.
If you have any questions regarding the site itself or would like to report a community, please direct them to Lemmy.world Support or email [email protected]. For other questions check our partnered communities list, or use the search function.
Reminder: The terms of service apply here too.
Logo design credit goes to: tubbadu
In the first few messages try to establish a date, event, some meeting. Then you can just say, going to get my head down and focus on work, project, meeting, travel, looking forward to seeing you tomorrow!
If you don't have a established next step bur want to cool things off, respond to the last message. Oh, that's super creative, interesting, lots of think about. Brb I'm going to be away from my phone for a few hours
In the first few messages try to establish a date, event, some meeting.
This has always been my biggest tip. There is zero point in making smalltalk on the app. You aren't getting accurate versions of each other, you are getting short, premeditated responses. And, if your match is a woman, she is getting dozens of additipnal matches and conversations, you don't want to become "boring" and forgotten. Just meet in person as soon as you can in 99% of cases.
1000% make the first meeting someplace that you want to be anyway, so if they flake you are not put out.
Seriously? I was always told you text for like two or three days first before going on a date. Oh I could definitely do that. I actually really hate texting XD
Texting stresses me out, but I still rather talk a bit, to get a feel for the other person. If a guy presses for a meet up in the first few sentences, I might just back out and say never mind I'd rather not.
But maybe that's just me.
The advice isn't to press for a meeting to creep out the match, just to provide the option early.
I.e. theres a coffee shop I've been meaning to try next to Thing, would you like to meet there on DAY and talk about SHARED TOPIC?
If the match defers or says no, that's fine, but the effort was made to solidify the match
~~That advice is from the 1950s where there were not that many options and people didn't want to seem desperate. I like you, but not too much kinda thing.~~
~~Do that today and you might as well disappear from the face of the earth.~~
Misread your comment, I thought it was the old phone call advice.
Meeting strangers is no big deal, I meet them all the time, just have to walk outside. At the coffee shop there is strangers in line. Talk to them too. Arranging a face-to-face shouldn't be a big deal, it's just like cool maybe maybe we'll sync up
But really in the first few messages? Again, I'm all game. But I don't want to scare her off or something.
You don't have to request a dinner date or a movie or something. That might scare her off. Something quick and simple, though, shouldn't be a problem. "Hey, there's a Starbucks a few blocks from you, can I buy you a drink [tomorrow, whatever]? We can have a quick chat and see if we click." Or whatever's appropriate for your situation. You're not asking for a prolonged thing, just a brief face-to-face meeting, and if it goes well and you decide to go get lunch or something, fine, but you don't need to set that expectation up front.
Exactly. Quick and simple, with none of the expectations/baggage that a dinner date implies. Coffee. Ice cream. Freakin’ mini golf; I dunno. The point is to keep it casual, non-threatening, and allow conversation.
I am a lady and yes meeting in real life is the way to go. Not a real date, no, not the first time. But to meet at coffee shop or whatever, make sure the guy is real and see if there is any chemistry.
Plus if you are a guy looking for women, I'd think even more important to make sure you are talking to a real person who wants to meet people, not a fake profile.
It would not scare me, just a daytime meeting out where there are lots of people.
It's not pushy to ask for an in person meeting on a dating app. It's the whole point.
Hey, thanks for taking the time to chat, I enjoyed it! I gotta crash, but I'd really like to pick this up again tomorrow.
Be honest with them. There is nothing wrong with saying that you need to take a break from the app. You don’t have to go into detail either; a simple, “It’s been great chatting, I need to go do something else for a bit. Would you mind picking this back up later?” should suffice.
And if it doesn’t suffice – i.e., they get offended – then maybe they aren’t what you’re looking for in a relationship. Healthy relationships, even in the beginning, should be based on honesty, openness, and each person willing to give the other their space.
As for how much to talk to them on the app, whether to give out your phone number, or to meet them in person, is completely up to you and them and how you both feel things are moving along. There is no need to pressure yourself or the other person with some preconceived notion of how to do dating. Everyone is different. No two people will interact the same way. Trust your gut and talk to your potential partner about what they are comfortable with doing.
And congrats! Good luck!
Goodnight, talk soon.
Just don't reply for a while? It's pretty normal for people to not reply to a text instantly every time.
Or just say "Logging off my phone for the evening, have a nice night!" sorta thing.
I just don't respond if I'm doing something else or calling it a night. It's ok to set boundaries by just taking your time to respond. You don't have to respond immediately and it's not really healthy to expect them to every time either. Anyone that can't handle that and stops responding just isn't going to be a match for you if you need to have that kind of break from responding. I'm definitely opposed to the white lies, I prefer someone I'm communicating with to at least respect me enough to be up front about it if they say anything at all, but I don't need a reason if they don't respond for hours or even a day or so.
"Alright i gotta go do some stuff. I'll text you tomorrow"
Just don't respond for 8 hours. They also sleep and do other things. You can pick up where you left off whenever you like.
I have no experience with this, but frankly, in a social situation like this, or in fact, any other, honesty is a good bet. "Start as you mean you go on." You can do this quite nicely, and if they're still insensitive that they take it personally and get offended, maybe that's a good red flag?
Say, "it's been great talking to you; I have things I need to do now, but I really look forward to talking to you tomorrow!" You can tailor it to how enthusiastic you are, where you are in the relationship, more or less flirty, more or less suggestive. The main thing is to simply be honest - you need to focus on other things, get some sleep, clean the dishes, eat, walk and feed the dog... you have life that needs taking care of away from your phone. And if you really are eager to continue talking tomorrow, saying that can really boost someone's confidence.
It can be a fast wind down. Especially if you're at a place in the relationship where you can make a date. "I'll be done with work and able to focus on you after 5 - TTYT?" Or if you're unsure about how far you want to take it, leave it open; tell them to text you when they find time.
Honesty is almost always the right answer.
GG, idgaf
GG EZ
unless you're going to start sending feet pics I'm done for the day
Ask if they prefer an Irish Goodbye or a Midwestern Goodbye.
Lots of texting in the presence of such doubts is destructive IMHO. Have a voice phone call instead. If you have to text I'd say "I have to go offline pretty soon, I'll be free tomorrow after about 6pm" or whatever. I just hate long text conversations though.
In my book, getting to that point without a plan to meet is a failed interaction. No one wants to text all day. It's the small talk we do to get to the point where we meet people we're interested in. It's a tryout to make sure you're not a weirdo or jackass. So do a little ice breaker, discuss two to three topics, then suggest exchanging phone numbers so you can meet up sometime. No one wants to text for three days straight. They're waiting for you to ask for their number.
“I’m tired. I’ll talk to you tomorrow”
You know anyone for whom this line has worked well? 🤨
The line doesn't seem like a problem. It's normal to need time to yourself. I think the people with whom this line doesn't work well are the actual problem.
I guess it's in the delivery a little bit, as well. I'd add some embellishments so as not to seem dismissive. 😅
Mention wanting to save battery life.
