this post was submitted on 23 Jun 2024
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[–] esc27 61 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (2 children)

I read that as commandlets and now I'm worried Powershell has given me brain damage...

  1. if ((Get-God).Count -gt 1){Set-God -Identity "YHWH"}
  2. Get-Idol | Remove-Idol
  3. foreach($godsname in ((Get-God).Name){ if (($speech -like "$godsname") -and ($speech.vain)) {$speech = ""}}
  4. Set-Reminder -Start (Get-Date "06/29/2024") -Reoccurance 7 -Subject "Holy"
  5. Set-Person -Relation "Mother" -Honor $true; Set-Person -Relation "Father" -Honor $true;
  6. $murder = $false
  7. $adultry = $false
  8. $stealing = $false
  9. if ((Get-Truth $speech) -eq $false){$speech = ""}
  10. $NoCovet=(Get-Property -SearchDepth 2) + (Get-Person -Relation "Neighbor")
[–] [email protected] 19 points 3 days ago

i'm so sorry.

[–] clutchtwopointzero 3 points 3 days ago

PowerShell is an objectively ugly language to read

[–] AeonFelis 52 points 4 days ago (1 children)

The text of the Ten Commandments ... shall be printed in a large, easily readable font.

Comic Sans it is.

[–] ChickenLadyLovesLife 19 points 4 days ago (8 children)
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[–] dhork 135 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (6 children)

Moses : The Lord, the Lord Jehovah has given unto you these fifteen...

[drops one of the tablets]

Moses : Oy! Ten! Ten commandments for all to obey

[–] MrsDoyle 76 points 4 days ago (5 children)

What's funny is that (according to the old testament) when Moses came down off the mountain with the tablets and found everyone worshipping the golden calf, he had a big hissy fit and smashed them. So then after doing quite a bit of murdering he had to go back up the mountain to get a second set. Exodus 32-34

I asked a religious relative how it was ok for Moses to murder people when he had only just be told by God himself "thou shalt not kill", and she said it was because the don't kill thing came further down the list than having only the one god.

[–] rwhitisissle 21 points 4 days ago (1 children)

As a note, the Israelites would in later generations go on to kill a shitload of people. It's one of those things where it seems like the Bible only really considers it murder if God doesn't sanction it. It's honestly one of the many sticking points that makes Abrahamic religions a hard sell for modern individuals. That said, if you look at it from a historical perspective, it really comes across more like a religious version of the Code of Hammurabi. It's less "don't kill" as a philosophical or religious position and more about sanctions against killing in a practical legal sense. A functioning society has laws that formally govern behavior and the Israelites were essentially an ecclesiarchy, with Moses being both head of state and high priest. The same laws that governed social life were always going to intersect with laws that governed spiritual life.

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[–] [email protected] 36 points 4 days ago

Asimov's Ten Laws of Holy Robotics

[–] [email protected] 15 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (3 children)

The bible seems to consider it murder only if it's another christian.

[if someone] has gone and served other gods and worshiped them, [...] you shall stone that man or woman to death with stones.

-Deuteronomy 17:2-5

If your brother, the son of your mother, or your son or your daughter or the wife you embrace or your friend who is as your own soul entices you secretly, saying, ‘Let us go and serve other gods,’ [...] you shall kill him. Your hand shall be first against him to put him to death.

-Deuteronomy 13:6-10

[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Moses: WTF is a "Christian"?

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[–] [email protected] 48 points 4 days ago (4 children)

How the fuck is this not illegal?

[–] ZILtoid1991 26 points 3 days ago (1 children)

It's illegal, but good luck with the current supreme court!

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[–] NikkiDimes 42 points 4 days ago (5 children)
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[–] Maggoty 25 points 3 days ago

Clearly it's not religious since they added another commandment.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 3 days ago

Just because it is illegal doesn't mean you can't do it.

[–] [email protected] 62 points 4 days ago (1 children)

I mean originally there were 15.

[–] bazus1 91 points 4 days ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 24 points 4 days ago (4 children)

My favorite joke from that movie.

I can't remember if it's the same movie, but the scene where Moses gets mugged is also a highlight for me.

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[–] [email protected] 19 points 4 days ago

... 10 commandments

[–] Boozilla 76 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (14 children)

Louisiana: basic literacy is not their strong suit.

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[–] [email protected] 62 points 4 days ago (2 children)

I very quickly checked wikipedia, because I couldn't easily identify the extra one. It lists all 16 of the 10 commandments... The table looks like different branches of christianity bundle some of them together (mostly various coveting) or don't even consider the first and last a commandment, so they always only count to ten. So it's an easy mistake to make.

But the fact that they couldn't even count the paragraphs is riddiculous.

[–] tacosplease 5 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Not a good look when something as solid as the ten commandments doesn't line up between groups with similar beliefs.

Might make some folks want to look under the hood. That certainly won't increase church attendance.

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[–] Jimmyeatsausage 32 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Seems like the sort of thing people should know about a central tenet of a pillar of their identity...

[–] the_joeba 24 points 4 days ago (5 children)

But then they'd have to stop eating shrimp, so...

[–] tacosplease 4 points 3 days ago

No no. That's from the old testament. Those rules don't count anymore now that there is the new testament.

realizes ten commandments are from the old testament

This was done by the jews. I always knew they controlled everything.

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[–] andrewth09 46 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (3 children)

They broke the 10th commandment into two commandments. There should have been a semicolon after 10a, not a new line.

(10a) Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house.

(10b) Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his cattle, nor anything that is thy neighbor's."

[–] ChickenLadyLovesLife 25 points 4 days ago (1 children)

nor his manservant, nor his maidservant

"Slaves" in the original, but of course we can't allow any hint of three thousand year old shit not being strictly relevant any more.

[–] Maggoty 10 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

Oh don't worry, that revision is just waiting for SCOTUS to give them enough cover.

[–] [email protected] 38 points 4 days ago (5 children)

10(Revised): Don't covet thy neighbors' shit.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 4 days ago (1 children)

10.0.2 fixed coveting of cattle to match other items in coveting domain

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 days ago

The Old Testament is a founding document for the kingdoms of Israel and Judah that establishes their lineage from the original humans to legendary Kings. Plus a bunch of laws, instructions for worship and whatnot.

People just took it too seriously and now we murder eachother over our imaginary friends.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 4 days ago (1 children)

I wonder if the poster they have to put up will show a picture of Jesus. Evangelicals sure do love those graven images.

[–] AngryCommieKender 6 points 3 days ago (1 children)

They're the type to use a picture of Ewan McGregor as Obi Wan

[–] Potatos_are_not_friends 6 points 3 days ago (1 children)

You joke but if you want to troll Bible nuts at protests, absolutely carry a picture of Obi Wan as Jesus. Aragorn works too.

Or go wild and have Black Jesus.

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[–] postmateDumbass 30 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (2 children)
  1. Thou shalt not math.

PS: this is what happens when the commitee watches Spinal Tap too many times.

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[–] FlyingSquid 13 points 3 days ago (1 children)

For those who do not know, in Exodus, Moses gets pissed off, smashes the tablets people today call the Ten Commandments, goes back up the mountain and Yaweh has him carve new ones with different laws on them. Those laws are the only laws called "Ten Commandments" in the Bible.

They include:

Three times a year all your men are to appear before the Sovereign Lord, the God of Israel. [Good luck with that]

Do not offer the blood of a sacrifice to me along with anything containing yeast

“Do not cook a young goat in its mother’s milk.

As the end of the chapter says:

Moses was there with the Lord forty days and forty nights without eating bread or drinking water. And he wrote on the tablets the words of the covenant—the Ten Commandments.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Exodus%2034&version=NIV

The Bible cannot be more clear on this point, but it's always ignored.

[–] Linkerbaan 14 points 3 days ago

“The first offspring of every womb belongs to me, including all the firstborn males of your livestock, whether from herd or flock. 20 Redeem the firstborn donkey with a lamb, but if you do not redeem it, break its neck. Redeem all your firstborn sons.

[–] numberfour002 28 points 4 days ago (7 children)

I mean aren't numbers invented by Arabics anyway? What's the point at ending with 9 and 10 when they could go full 9 and 11? /s

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[–] randon31415 4 points 3 days ago

Come on year of Jubilee! At least do the law against charging interest on loans!

Anyways, ya, the 11 are group the first two or the last two. If you group the first two, you sort of lessen the impact of "I am your god" with stuff about idols - but if you group the last two "don't covet your neighbors property, such as: wife, house, horses, etc..." you basically are saying wives are property.

[–] [email protected] 27 points 4 days ago (6 children)

there's a base n joke somewhere in there

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