Be sure to follow the rule before you head out.
Rule: You must post before you leave.
The number of examples I have seen of people being told to shut up about their lived experiences with sexual abuse in the past 24 hours on this platform is deeply disturbing.
I am calling on y’all to take a deep breath and listen to women for once. There is a time and place for tone policing and it’s never the very minute a woman speaks up.
I haven’t once seen that on this platform, you and I must travel very different communities.
happy for you man
I found the recent incel-ish responses on various Lemmy communities to the bear meme to be off-putting. Granted, it's much worse on Reddit but I would have expected better on this platform.
precisely! to date lemmy had been the most progressive and respectable toward human dignity community i have followed, but that facade has dropped pretty quickly with this turn :(
I hope this doesn't sound aggressive, but unless you're a man, you never had to venture very far on Lemmy to experience misogyny. If you ever mentioned you were a woman in any of the major instances and communities in any context except "I'm a woman and here's what I don't like about other women," you were gonna get misogynistic replies and a shocking amount of downvotes. It's just what happens when any internet community is dominated by a single gender I guess.
Lemmy's always been great about almost every other social issue, except sometimes trans issues and neurodivergence if you stepped out of the communities for it, but women's issues have always been an absolute train wreck around here.
as others have said the whole bear thing has really brought the losers out of the woods.
Fortunately, that was always the point. The hypothetical is stupid and makes no sense. But it really trips men up and exposes them as they rush to say "not all men" in a different way.
It's clearly ragebait, but let's be real here: the amount of accusations against men in general is astounding. Not the real, actual cases, but the implication that by virtue of being male I'm immediately accused of being a predator. And that's just shitty.
I can understand that a lot of men feel very attacked by that, because a whole lot of men just try to be good people. This kind of ragebait is harmful, because it will definitely turn a bunch of men hostile towards anything feminism, since in their view, they can only lose. And that's incredibly bad.
Gee, I wonder if there are other groups of people who have been painted with one brush. Perhaps the is a group that is assumed to be less skilled at STEM jobs. Or another group assumed to be more prone to criminal behavior. Wouldn't that just be something? /s
We men, especially we white men, get a fraction of the same treatment women and minorities have been getting for hundreds of years and freak out over how unfair it is. And that's an excuse to demand everyone use kid gloves when talking about these issues?
If you're only doing the right thing because people recognize you for it, I suggest you may not really be doing the right thing. If you're a good person, then you should understand why the average woman may show fear and caution when encountering an unknown man.
Things like the bear meme aren't asking about YOU. When people say "I'd rather choose the bear than a man" they aren't saying every man. Yes, the generalization stings when you think about it being applied to yourself. But if you truly understand the issues and the hypothetical you understand that the answer isn't about you. It's about what women have learned to expect when encountering a man they don't already know well enough based on prior experience
So discrimination is okay if it hits the right people?
Again, an entire group is set out to be predators for no fault of their own.
I'm portrayed as a predator, because some idiots are, and I'm supposed to view that to reflect myself, because some other people are also treated badly? That doesn't make sense. This is purely parroting the party line, chastising oneself what an evil counterrevolutionary one is.
No positive, but tons of new hostility. Awesome. That'll take humanity in the right direction!
You're not listening. YOU are not portrayed as a predator. YOU need to take a backseat for the betterment of the lives of the victims of injustice. Just because something isn't your fault doesn't mean it's not your responsibility to deal with it when you are in the class of people benefitting from the injustice.
As the other commentor said: punching up is very, very different than punching down.
When a specific person treats you, specifically, poorly because you're a man, THEN you can talk about how you are not a threat, and try to convey that you are actually an ally (which is questionable based on your reactions here). But when there is a conversation about average behavior and expectations, side with the victims. You are not a victim. You do not lose more than you gain from being a man. Maybe you get weird looks when you're solo-parenting but you still make $1 to a woman's $0.79 or whatever the number is today for soemeone in the same job.
So please, stop focusing on yourself. It's selfish. Try to think about the bigger picture. And yeah, take one for the team when it comes to memes about bears
Any man who turns hostile to women because of a bear meme was hopeless to begin with. Feminism isn’t convincing sexist men to not be sexist, it’s educating and empowering women to stand up for themselves and stop accepting vile behaviour by vile men.
Look, the bear meme was annoying but understandable, but the way that people are immediately attempting to character assasinate anyone annoyed by it or attempting to have a nuanced discussion about it is pushing people away.
get fucking over yourself, youre what im talking about
Then tell me: how is helping anyone?
Do you seriously believe, that this changes anything to the positive?
Ya it shows how many men really are a bunch of fragile bitches and are outing themselves, its great for women.
Im a man and i know im fucking awesome so im not triggered or offended when women say they would rather be in the forest alone with a bear. Which i also completely understand because most women have had truly awful experiences with a man.
Id rather be in the woods with a bear than a man like you and im not scared of being sexually assaulted, men like you just annoy the ever loving shit out of me.
I don't normally upvote flagrant trash talk but gotdam this is so on the nose for the issue at hand that I can't help it. Can't unilaterally condone the tone but if there were ever a time, place, and subject, this is it
I’m really glad I haven’t seen any posts like that here on Lemmy but that sounds really awful. :/
And I completely agree with your thought and intention but I still have to nitpick about:
There is a time and place for tone policing and it’s _never_ the very minute a woman speaks up.
Of course it’s not never. Just like with men, women are not infallible and can do shit.
I know you’re (hopefully) not literally meaning it like that, but I thought it’s still noteworthy.
thanks for your kind words! and you are correct; i am using strong language there that should not be applied literally, though i do stand by the sentiment.
to be more precise, “There is a time and place for tone policing and incredible care should be taken that it is not done to silence or speak over any person’s expression of lived experience, so as not to discourage people who have found the courage to speak up.”
After seeing what you're talking about, I'm glad I mostly stick to Blahaj Zone.
💙🦈💙
Can you maybe provide some links to examples? I haven't seen any of this.
i wont link directly, but see my comment history i call out a few
—disclaimer do not harrass or brigade—
edit fine since you all won’t do me the decency of clicking on my name before you spam “doubt”
do not harrass or brigade, mods please just remove this comment if people start being bad
among others that have been erased because women are being bullied into deleting threads and entire accounts.
People "don't want to listen" because the moment anyone speaks out against the generalizations, it becomes personal attacks against them. "you are part of the problem if you don't immediately agree with everything I say." That's not to say that someone is not valid for the way they feel after experiencing something traumatic like SA and having hesitation associating with or being around men, but the accusations of being the problem towards people who are innocent make people not want to support you. It's also very "only my feelings matter" when it starts sounding like I shouldn't be anywhere in the remote vicinity of or exist because I might be making a woman uncomfortable.
Once when I was in high school I was in the classroom alone waiting for class to start, minding my own business and not paying any attention to anyone else. A girl walked in and told me that I looked like I wanted to kill her. I didn't even look in her direction. How dare I be quiet and mind my own business, I made her feel uncomfortable.
It's also funny that people are saying "y'all always have to make it about you, it's not about you so what you think doesn't matter." Yeah how dare I have feelings and be offended that other people make generalizations about me and start saying I'm part of the problem.
Absolutely not.
The people “speaking out against the generalizations” need to find their own space and time to do so, not to do it in direct replies to women who are speaking up about a very personal and invasive topic.
It’s an exact parallel to those who screamed “All Lives Matter” in response to BLM.
There are inumerable comment sections for men to explore and express the negative qualities of the patriarchy in their lives, [email protected] being one I have seen that seems positive. But that space is not to be held the moment and place women begin to talk about their own experiences.
None of the situations I was talking about involved direct replies to women talking about their own experiences. Everything I've seen has essentially been "I'd choose the bear and you should feel ashamed." If there are people making those kinds of comments in reply to women speaking about their experience and how they feel, I would agree with you that it is not acceptable. But 90% of what I see is blanket accusations or false dilemmas placing some viewpoint on me that I do not hold.
And in a way it does resemble "all lives matter." But when there are people here directly saying that all men should be ashamed, that they are not safe to be around, and I have seen people saying in these threads that all men are rapists, it seems a little hard to see how that would make anyone understand or sympathize with the people making these comments. It starts to sound like "my feelings should take precedence over your existence" instead of "this is what I feel and why" or "this is how we can improve things."
Its also ridiculous to me when it's "but a man could rape me" but no "a bear could maul me." If someone says that they have been SA'd or have otherwise had negative experiences, fine. I still think its a bit of a stretch to generalize it but I'm not out there saying "BuT nOt AlL mEn" to that.
I haven't seen a post silencing sa on lemmy and I m pretty glad that I haven't.
Maybe because they were already silenced?
I have no idea what this post is even referring to, though. This have something to do with the bear thing? That shit started cropping up all over my feed, then this. Explain to an out of touch aging fucker what’s going on here, will ya youngin? There’s a hay penny in it for ya
Basically an overgeneralized meme representing the very true and valid fear women have towards strange men, where if they were stuck in a forest and had to choose to be stuck there with a strange man or a strange bear, many women would choose to be stuck with a bear, started cropping up on lemmy. Unfortunately this meme ALSO hit on the lived experience that a lot of men have had where they've grown up their entire lives feeling like they've been villainized and made to be the source of all societies ills, and so they voiced, with varying levels (and lack of) nuance why this meme upset them as it felt like a further villainization. This caused more friction than nuanced discussion, and more memes that more directly antagonized those who didnt appreciate the meme started cropping up, and now we are here
Ah yes, this IS about the bear meme. Maybe this is a lesson that doubling down on an inflammatory meme is the worst way to attempt to get a point across, claiming that people annoyed with the meme are attempting to silence you is just trippling down.
Of course it happened in a blahaj-less meme page 😞
shoutout to blahaj and the absolute queens who run it 💆♀️🙂↕️
Bro I'm losing my mind. Everyone is talking about "picking the bear" and I can't figure out what the hell any of it means 😭
Okay very basically this whole thing started with a hypothetical posed to a bunch of women about which they would rather run into while alone in the woods; A random man, or a bear. A lot of women chose the bear. Reasons varied from "The worst the bear will do is kill me," to "At least I know the bear wants to kill me," with a general theme seeming to be that whatever tangible threat the bear posed was preferable to the uncertainty of wondering whether or not a random man would assault them.
The poster's stated goal with the hypothetical was to get men to think about why the women were choosing the bear. Instead a lot of guys took it as a personal attack, like they were being punished for the actions of other men. Many started attacking the question, insisting that bears are way more dangerous than virtually any man. This led to a lot of dismissive responses of the criticism like "This is why women choose the bear," or talking about women's safety being more important than men's feelings.
I'm simplifying a lot but that's the basic gist of it.
Not disputing what you've seen, but I've been looking at all and have not seen anything like that. Where are you seeing it?
Same. I don’t know what this is in reference too. Maybe it’s a lemmy.cafe thing? I don’t see this shit on my instance.
I haven’t been on here in a few days, what’s going on?
Men reacting to intentionally inflammatory bear meme is an affront to women apparently
*”Men telling women to say their experiences in a less antagonistic way is an affront to women.” FTFY
I am absolutely with you in agreeing that the bear meme is inflammatory. But this post is about women who are telling their stories about being SA’d and men dogpiling telling them to shut up. A very different matter that I haven’t seen in any other community.
This post might not be about you, but it is about a real thing that happened/is happening. Take a beat to internalize that :)
Do I you have post or comment examples?
I just did some searches that were filtered to the past 24 hours, and I’m only really seeing positively upvoted stuff about priests who were arrested.
The simple answer is to just listen to women, and not just wait to get in a "not all men" and act smug. Easy as that.