this post was submitted on 30 Apr 2024
437 points (98.4% liked)

Not The Onion

12543 readers
1254 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Comments must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] impudentmortal 159 points 7 months ago (2 children)

She said her homeowner's insurance won't cover anything pest-related because they deem it preventable.

So the real monster was the insurance company. What a twist!

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] FuglyDuck 59 points 7 months ago (1 children)

well, that's one way to get a kid to be afraid of bees.

Poor kid. hope she never got stung? doesn't sound like she did.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 7 months ago (4 children)

In elementary school, our gym got infested by bees or wasps (don't remember exactly) and they were everywhere. We still were forced to do sports class in there. I got stung twice and then ran outside, bawling my eyes out. I'm now in my 30s and have a severe phobia of bees, wasps and hornets. Bumblebees are fine though for some reason.

[–] FuglyDuck 16 points 7 months ago

Because bumblebees are cute and just want to play?

Sorry you had to deal with that. Your school should be ashamed.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 7 months ago (2 children)

My parents forced me to play outside when I was very young, and I didn’t want to. Stepped on what’s probably a mud wasp nest, and two wasps circled my leg and stung me a bunch. I cried a lot.

Anything yellow and black bug near me makes me MAD DASH AWAY. I got made fun of for a long time, “oh they won’t hurt you, just ignore them”

Like motherfucker I CANNOT IGNORE THEM YOU TWAT

I love fluffy bumblebees though. I still panic before I confirm fluff.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 7 months ago (1 children)

“oh they won’t hurt you, just ignore them”

Oh yeah I got hit with this a lot. But I have empiric evidence of the contrary right in my memory! D:

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 3 points 7 months ago

love it when people tell me that "they don't like loud sounds" like motherfucker im pretty sure these fucks can't hear noise.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 40 points 7 months ago (2 children)
[–] samus12345 4 points 7 months ago
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 36 points 7 months ago (1 children)

So she was basically correct.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 7 months ago (4 children)
[–] [email protected] 35 points 7 months ago (1 children)

What if 60,000 of them collectively formed the shape of another creature for the express purpose of terrifying a child? 🤔

[–] [email protected] 6 points 7 months ago (1 children)

That's basically a character on Rick and Morty (except its like a million ants)

[–] HessiaNerd 6 points 7 months ago
[–] [email protected] 27 points 7 months ago (2 children)

60,000 of anything is basically a monster. I wouldn't even want to be confronted by 60,000 koalas.

[–] DontTreadOnBigfoot 22 points 7 months ago (1 children)
[–] Viking_Hippie 7 points 7 months ago

Title of your autobiography!

[–] [email protected] 5 points 7 months ago (1 children)

60,000 Guinea pigs

Prepare to be wheeked to death

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] MeekerThanBeaker 17 points 7 months ago (2 children)

That's exactly what a bee would say. 🐝🤔

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] Viking_Hippie 4 points 7 months ago (1 children)

If they're pissed off enough to swarm in the tens of thousands, they are temporarily..

[–] [email protected] 3 points 7 months ago (1 children)

FYI. The quantity of bees in a hive has more to do with their ability to find good food sources nearby, and the suitability of the place they've made their home, and nothing to do with their temperament. That size hive would not be considered particularly remarkable in an apiary. A "swarm" of bees is actually just a bunch of bees that split off from a successful hive and are looking for a new home and are typically very docile. Since this colony had a home (these people's house), it was technical not a "swarm."

[–] Viking_Hippie 3 points 7 months ago

Thanks for enlightening me, I sit corrected 😁

[–] [email protected] 28 points 7 months ago

When I was very little, maybe 2, my mum had sat me down in front of Sesame Street while she did some chores. Not long after I came running into the kitchen “mummy mummy there’s a birdie in the front room!” She said yes, that was big bird and to go back in and watch it. I kept running back to her increasingly more upset about the birdie until she came into the living room to find a pigeon had come down the chimney and was irately trying to escape. I know I was too young to remember it, but I swear I can recall the feeling of vindication!

[–] [email protected] 22 points 7 months ago

my favorite fun fact about bees and bee nests, is that they actually produce a lot of heat, so if you have a nest of bees in your wall, you can tell because your wall will be hot.

[–] betterdeadthanreddit 19 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Meanwhile, the Beekreeper escapes the scene unnoticed and prepares to summon its apian horde elsewhere.

[–] Carighan 8 points 7 months ago

Shoutout to the absolutely fantastic pen&paper RPG "Heart" in which one of the classes is the Deep Apiarist. Including the ability to have the bees crawling through your body that doubles as their hive animate it while you sleep, allowing you more active hours a day.

[–] Treczoks 18 points 7 months ago (2 children)

Had something similar. My bedroom was small and under the roof, and for some time I heard scratching noises at night over my bed. I assumed that were mice, so I set up some mouse traps in the attic. No success. The bait was gone, but none of the traps were sprung.

So, one evening when the noise got annoying, I went to investigate closely. And found a large wasps nests, right on the other side of the sheet rock of my bedroom.

[–] AngryCommieKender 8 points 7 months ago (1 children)

This is why flamethrowers are legal to own in 48/50 US states.

[–] afox 5 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I have a drone on offer up and some fool tried to convince me to trade for a flame thrower. Wtf am I going to do with a flame thrower? I guess I could vanquish my enemies... If I had any. People are weird.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 7 months ago (1 children)

It seems they had the same thought "Crap, what can I do with this flamethrower? Maybe I can trade it for that drone!"

[–] [email protected] 2 points 7 months ago

The obvious solution is to attach the flamethrower to the drone.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 7 months ago (4 children)

Jesus. That sounds eerily like my experience. Heard scracthes in the attic and thought it was mice. Woke up one morning with a dead wasp in the bed and having been stung. Thought nothing of it. Woke up a few days later with two dead wasps in the bed and having been stung. Huh, that's weird. Then when I woke up one morning I saw a wasp crawl between the planks in the ceiling. Called exterminators and they sprayed the attic. The wasps had built their nest in the isolation and had chewed through it down to the planks... The next week I had hundreds of dead (and a few alive) bees in the room every day and I had to sleep on the sofa..

load more comments (4 replies)
[–] [email protected] 13 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I can't believe it's not posted here yet, so here we go.

Ehm.

NO, NO, NOT THE BEES! ALL OVER MY EYES! AARGHHH

[–] [email protected] 5 points 7 months ago (1 children)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 10 points 7 months ago (1 children)

This looks like a job for... DR. BEES!

[–] Dremor 3 points 7 months ago

As reported by the Bee Bee, See.

[–] ettyblatant 10 points 7 months ago

[email protected]

This is the worst thing I've read today

[–] [email protected] 8 points 7 months ago

Oh man, just heard about this in my beekeeping class.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 7 months ago

So she was obviously lying and maligning the bees.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Too soon to watch Bee Movie?

[–] MeekerThanBeaker 6 points 7 months ago (1 children)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 3 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Has this been happening for a while? How tf did this happen?

[–] [email protected] 11 points 7 months ago

It's not that uncommon. When a beehive is doing really well, it'll "split", meaning they'll raise a second queen and the new queen will leave and half of the colony will go with her to establish a new hive somewhere. This is called swarming, and it's the their version of reproduction. (Tangent: Contrary to popular belief, honey bee swarms are usually very docile since they don't yet have a home to defend.) Once they find a suitable location to settle, they'll move in. Without humans building things, a suitable location would usually be something like an old hollowed out tree. But humans build great beehive homes. Old houses with small openings between siding panels that allow bees into the walls are a common favorite.

[–] Cryophilia 3 points 7 months ago

My suitcase full of BEES should help with that!

[–] [email protected] 3 points 7 months ago

Behold my children:

Saylor Class, Dance Lesson, Computer Science Tutorial and Intro To Biology

[–] [email protected] 3 points 7 months ago (1 children)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 3 points 7 months ago

OprahBees.Gif

load more comments
view more: next ›