this post was submitted on 28 Feb 2024
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Not The Onion

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[–] xantoxis 276 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (4 children)

It's true, the fact that we never drew and quartered this guy does seem like a failure of our responsibilities

[–] AtariDump 135 points 10 months ago (5 children)
[–] [email protected] 30 points 10 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (3 children)

Looks hungry

Edit: lawyers, is saying this illegal?

[–] [email protected] 18 points 10 months ago

We need to start feeding him better.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (1 children)

I ANAL but typically getting charged requires a credible threat.

Credible threats have specific details and a plan, date, or similar. You have neither, you could most likely say much more and still be okay legally. The mods tend to be anal about such things, which is their right but is pretty lame.

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[–] [email protected] 15 points 10 months ago

We really, and I mean really, need to bring this motherfucker back. I can already sense the rich collectively shitting their pants worldwide on the mere mention of it.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 10 months ago

Looks cool for stickers.

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[–] EdibleFriend 54 points 10 months ago (1 children)

This but unironically. It's like these fucks are begging us to just start storming headquarters at this point. Taunting us.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 10 months ago (1 children)

They know they can run and hide from us longer than we can actually try to hunt them down. The cops, lawyers, judges and yachts will protect them

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[–] [email protected] 19 points 10 months ago

It’s better late than never

[–] [email protected] 8 points 10 months ago

He's right. Just not in the way he means.

[–] [email protected] 100 points 10 months ago (1 children)

It IS our fault! If we were TRULY responsible people he would have already met the GUILOTINE!

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[–] [email protected] 72 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 17 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

"Don't make me hit you again."

[–] PizzaFacia 69 points 10 months ago (2 children)

I want to publicly apologize, anonymously, for failing to fix climate change.

[–] [email protected] 43 points 10 months ago

The whole world was counting on you, PizzaFacia, you let us all down!

[–] [email protected] 10 points 10 months ago

We all forgive you if you just throw this oil exec sociopath into a volcano 🌋

[–] [email protected] 69 points 10 months ago (3 children)

man who gets rich pumping oil out of ground blames everyone else for using it while offering no alternatives

[–] [email protected] 73 points 10 months ago

Id actually be more forgiving if that was all they did. Except that wasnt enough, so they created a huge disinformation campaign and actively lobbied against meaningful change.

They have divided their opposition so effectively that we are at the point where levers on our life support systems are being pushed and pulled while our most informed scientists dont know where or when the next catastrophic shift occurs.

Buckle up, its gonna be an eventful 1000yrs

[–] rockSlayer 40 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

This is Exxon we're talking about here, they killed their research into biofuels and hid their research on climate change in the 70s because of the oil crisis.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 10 months ago

“Am I out of touch? No, it is the ~~kids~~ general public that is wrong.”

Said every oil exec ever

[–] [email protected] 51 points 10 months ago (2 children)

IT WAS ALL THOSE DAMN AVOCADOS, WHY DIDN'T WE JUST SIMPLY STOP EATING THOSE AVOCADOS

[–] rockSlayer 7 points 10 months ago

They tried to tell us when they said to stop eating avocado toast

[–] Huschke 6 points 10 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (2 children)

Don't forget Harambe! If we didn't kill that monkey the world would surely be in a better place now...

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[–] [email protected] 43 points 10 months ago (6 children)

In a functioning society these fucks would have been sued into bankruptcy for suppressing those studies in the 80s. In our society they can continue to make record profits every year

[–] [email protected] 7 points 10 months ago

80s? They knew in the 50s. They might even know before. With these liars, you never know.

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[–] [email protected] 32 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

Motherfucker, I ride a bicycle to work and don't use air conditioning.

[–] LifeInMultipleChoice 13 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

90% sure it is your woke ass fault. "Sponsored by, privilege everywhere"

[–] [email protected] 25 points 10 months ago

Carbon capture is “an answer in search of a question”

I think we all know what that question is by now. "What approach to addressing climate change will make the most money for Exxon Mobil?"

[–] asteriskeverything 23 points 10 months ago (2 children)

I am not at all defending anything in the article, and especially the oil industry.

I hope some people read the article because I found it very interesting and a little challenging to my preconceived ideas. For example I read the first paragraph and my instant reaction was "straight to hell. Do no pass go. Do not collect $200) "

that the world has “waited too long” to begin investing in a broader suite of technologies to slow planetary heating.

But then it said some things such as their scientists had reported data predicting climate change in the 70s and 80s and in some cases had even more data than government programs. (I skimmed the article this one sourced) and how this current ceo is basically dancing thr tightrope of being an advocate for clean energy while working to the enemy and trying not to completely neuter them. and frankly, not that I believe this is the case at all but makes me laugh, a lot of what is quoted in the article sounds like an undercover plant trying to minimize harm cuz you can't do it all at once.

But yeah in reality fuck that. If you have the capacity to understand climate change and the gravity of the consequences, then literally nothing else should matter besides that short of ensuring your employees quality of life is good

[–] kautau 26 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Well yeah, it’s a PR move. Especially because they did their own studies on climate change and learned they would fuck up the planet and then laughed and said “well if we don’t do it, someone else will”

[–] [email protected] 8 points 10 months ago

Pretty much this. GM's EV1 is a very interesting case. While it's easy to understand why they wouldn't want to produce it in significant numbers due to economic constraints (very high manufacturing price), their decision to recall all vehicles to destroy them was stupid beyond all reason.

Also, according to wikipedia's sources, ChevronTexaco, a fucking oil company, held a patent for a NiMH battery and made sure no one made any plug-in (battery only) car using it.

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[–] MashedTech 19 points 9 months ago

THEY HAD RESEARCHERS. THEY KNEW BEFORE EVERYONE. AND THEN THEY STARTED DOING THE OPPOSITE.

https://youtu.be/MondapIjAAM?si=TwWOS3I7bWHCb7SN

https://youtu.be/Evy2EgoveuE?si=d2vRJag-f24eOpWe

[–] [email protected] 17 points 10 months ago (2 children)

It was the way she (planet Earth) was dressed - you know she was just asking for it!

\s 🤮

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[–] [email protected] 17 points 10 months ago

I love oil executives. No matter what you do to them, you don't feel bad.

[–] FartsWithAnAccent 13 points 10 months ago

What an unparalleled piece of shit.

[–] bouldering_barista 13 points 10 months ago (7 children)

Just bought my first EV... Reading crap like this makes me happy I'm pissing on the oil execs

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[–] SendMePhotos 13 points 10 months ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 12 points 10 months ago (1 children)

This is the pot calling the kettle black, despite the fact that this metaphorical kettle has been electric for quite some time.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 10 months ago (1 children)

It's the industrial smokestack calling the candle dirty.

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[–] TropicalDingdong 11 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Ok, wait, not the onion or the onion?

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[–] RememberTheApollo_ 10 points 10 months ago (1 children)

“You made us ruin the environment by buyin our products!”

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[–] fne8w2ah 9 points 9 months ago

And what about that plastic "recycling" scam they've peddled for decades?

[–] 800XL 6 points 10 months ago (1 children)

But the CEO admits it's real.

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[–] cmbabul 5 points 10 months ago (1 children)

When is French Revolution part Deux gonna get started already

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