Anon thinks he "won" by getting the girl, not realising that entering a relationship isn't the finish line.
this post was submitted on 28 Jan 2024
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What is the finish line
Dying together in bed at 100.
After drinking a bottle of wine laced with drugs inside the electrified compound to protect against raiders and clickers
WHOLE ASS FUCKIN LOVE STORY OUTTA NOWHERE
And it was good
ASS FUCKIN
That happened too, yes.
🥹
Movie when?
Wait, there's a movie planned instead of another season?
Rule 34 huh
if two people die together at the same time, foul play is always suspected.
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It's not a race? There probably shouldn't be any particular "goal" of a relationship. You're in one because it's good for you both, not to complete some checklist.
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Believe it or not? This is avoidant attachment style.
Like literal fucking definition.
Probably, but could just as well be anxious attachment since we don't have the whole story. I'm on the anxious side and this happens a lot if the other doesn't show enough interest or is closed off in conversation.
fair. I guess I haven't dated anyone other than my ex wife so... I guess I really shouldn't jump to these conclusions.
My first thought was OP is dismissive avoidant. It's the no-overlap Venn diagram of, "I want to be close enough to be loved, but not close enough to be hurt." OP: go take one of the attachment style tests online. There's a lot of good stuff that might help you get out of this Catch 22. Who knows, though? There is scant information.
OP: do you find yourself resenting your partner? Wishing they'd get out of your space/stop bugging you with their needs?
I get it. I wouldn't want to date a girl who has so little self-confidence as to date me.
Bruh.
Probably watched too much porn and got used to seeing new bodies and faces every time.
Or gay
Gay men want to have sex with more women? Interesting, please tell me more.
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Could be ADHD. The idea of a new relationship and the dopamine from the chase and the victory would be relatively short-lived, and their brain would naturally start seeking out its next hit.
That's a really distorted view of what ADHD is.
…
I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD since I was fourteen. I am now thirty. I’ve done my research to manage my condition and have come across this; and even more, I have experienced this very thing. It is not the whole picture, certainly, and as ADHD is a spectrum, it will not be present in all of us; but it is not an uncommon symptom; and it’s basically what I could pull from the post without making assumptions about anon’s other characteristics.
I have diagnosed ADHD and I relate to it
Do you have anything to back that up? Hypersexuality, which I'd argue the OC describes, is a common symptom of ADHD
The description of hypersexuality in your link doesn't match losing interest in a partner as soon as there is familiarity. If anything, hypersexuality leads to wanting more sexual activity than their partner. That can contribute to fidelity issues, but that's not the same as losing interest as soon as they get together.
ADHD doesn't mean you can only be interested in novel things. People with ADHD tend to be impulsive and have trouble controlling how much attention they can allocate to each subject. They can still hold particular interests for years and decades.
The only argument for the behavior in the OC being attributable to ADHD, is that maybe they are compulsively jumping into relationships before finding out if they have any compatibility with the other person. So it's not that ADHD made them lose interest immediately, it's that they acted on impulse and started a relationship prematurely only to find out that they never liked the other person for more than their appearance. But that's too much extrapolation for what is actually written.
The problem with armchair psychologist is that every bad trait is linked to ADHD and every good thing is explained as muh dopamine. It's rather annoying.
Sexual symptoms are not part of the diagnostic criteria for ADHD
And
In a 2020 study with 129 adults, females with ADHD reported[...]
Not it's actually a know issue with people with ADHD. I've experienced this feeling and wondered what's wrong with me. It sometimes takes therapy and time recognize real love and partnership versus the dopamine of someone new caring for you.
It's also not exactly untrue, either.
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When I was much younger this was an issue because I'd pursue people out of loneliness, not because they were actually a good match. After we'd be together for a few weeks, the loneliness would go away, and then I'd realise that I didn't like them to begin with. Awful to do that to other people, I know.
Worked on it through therapy and overcame this behaviour.
this is kinda like having adhd where you put a shit ton of effort into overcoming the initial challenge of something and then immediately lose all interest after you've overcome the biggest hurdle and leave the project completely abandoned for the rest of eternity
I’ve accepted this is my actual hobby
Thank you for helping me normalize this to myself by calling it a hobby
Aesop did a fable about this. It's where we get "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence."
Sounds like OP was focused on finding someone cute and willing to date him, than someone he genuinely clicked with and could have fun with even without sex. Don't get me wrong, sex is great and very important for couples (outside of the Ace spectrum), but I truly pity people who aren't dating their best friends.
Took me until my late 20s/early 30s and four years being single before I was ready to truly commit and I've been in the same relationship for six years now.
Let yourself grow up and have fun!
Idk about you but for me this turned out to be just a weird looking fear of commitment. It felt like fomo, but once I realized what it was, it .. well, I didn't stop thinking about other girls right away, but it lost its power to make me actually lose interest in the girl I was with.
I'm still with the girl I was with when I realized all this, so, imo that's pretty meaningful.
(Fwiw I never stopped "thinking" about other girls but now it's very unreal. I've been with my wife for 15 years and the idea of going back through all that intro relationship bullshit sounds like torture -- plus, odds are, whoever she is won't be better than my wife, and, of course, it would super hurt my wife's feelings, and probably mine too, and I really like her feelings not to be hurt. Also we have kids, which raises the bar for how shitty the relationship with my wife would have to be in order to spilt up.)
Would you rather be single?
I've done this but my two relationships were shorter, with more time in between, I only thought this the second time, and instead of breaking it off myself I got dumped both times.
Only upside is I never really got 4chan.
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