this post was submitted on 26 Dec 2023
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

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Start the new year off right and leave this bad habit behind you, it's disgusting!

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[–] robocall 49 points 6 months ago (2 children)

I shit every day and can't stop. I can't control myself and my desire to shit is so strong, I find myself putting it before my family, friends, job, I'll even wake up in the middle of the night with the need to shit sometimes. This addiction impacts my life every day. If I don't shit, I start to think about it and worry.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 6 months ago (1 children)

I've got the solution!

Not eating!

Never eat a single thing again and you'll never have to be burdened with having to shit ever again!

It's free, easy and you'll look great as well!

[–] [email protected] 3 points 6 months ago

Until the day you die!

[–] [email protected] 3 points 6 months ago

Bro you just gotta hold your poop in

[–] kerrigan778 19 points 6 months ago (1 children)

But when will I use Lemmy then?

[–] lugal 3 points 6 months ago (2 children)
[–] dylanTheDeveloper 9 points 6 months ago

I prefer the term freelance CEO

[–] kerrigan778 6 points 6 months ago

I work in the food industry. Only time I'm on Lemmy at work is breaks/bathroom

[–] FlyingSquid 17 points 6 months ago (4 children)

If I had three wishes, one of them would be to never need to use the bathroom again.

[–] Agent641 18 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Wish granted. You now have catheter and colostomy bags.

[–] FlyingSquid 18 points 6 months ago (1 children)

STOP BEING THE TRICKY KIND OF GENIE PEOPLE!

[–] platypus_plumba 10 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) (3 children)

Wish granted, I'm the murderous kind of genie now. So... What's your last wish?

[–] FlyingSquid 3 points 6 months ago (4 children)

Jeez. All I wanted was to never have to be around poo or pee again. Is that really asking too much? You guys are mean.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 6 months ago

Granted. You are on the moon (with empty bladder and poop shute)

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Everybody jokes but one day there's going to be a Cyberpunk|40kMechanicus|DeusEx market part for purchase, and the world will be further divided by those that need access to sewage and those that do not.

[–] Olhonestjim 5 points 6 months ago (1 children)

If I could buy an implant that compressed my shit into diamonds, I would be so happy.

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Even if that would mean that we keep growing in size, fattening up completely with all we ever consume?

[–] FlyingSquid 3 points 6 months ago

Well no, obviously I would stay the way I am.

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[–] someguy3 14 points 6 months ago (1 children)

We went from 3 days to infinity?

[–] idunnololz 7 points 6 months ago (1 children)

*until you die. Which I assume is not too much longer than 3 days.

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[–] [email protected] 14 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Slogan should be "put a cork in it."

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA 5 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Tampons work surprisingly well.

[–] Agent641 5 points 6 months ago (1 children)

How many do I need to eat for it to work?

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[–] chickenpotpi 13 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Shitting is so wasteful. People dont know that you just have to hold it in for a while, so your body can fully utilize it.

Source: I am voice actor for GTA 6.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 6 months ago

Oh my god it's dickvamblerAU. Can you say "boop" for me?

[–] sagrotan 12 points 6 months ago

Reading this shitting

[–] Lemminary 11 points 6 months ago

I'll be sending TP! Thoughts & Prayers 🙏

[–] [email protected] 8 points 6 months ago (1 children)

I love shitting. Y'all are afraid of a simple four letter word. Sure, it is weird, but to each their own! It is not like real toilets are harmed. There are no studies that shitting is harmful, rather it takes away the urge before it does any real harm!

[–] dylanTheDeveloper 6 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Nice try shit tard. I'm saving my turds in my bowels

[–] [email protected] 5 points 6 months ago (1 children)

You know its possible to hold turds for so long you start vomiting shit.

[–] reagansrottencorpse 4 points 6 months ago

I believe I recall a South Park episode about this phenomenon.

[–] LemmyKnowsBest 8 points 6 months ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 7 points 6 months ago

What the fuck how is lemmy leaking into reality…?

[–] over_clox 6 points 6 months ago
[–] [email protected] 8 points 6 months ago

Im doing it right now, cope and seethe amirite

[–] [email protected] 7 points 6 months ago (2 children)

Well how do you feel about shtanding, then?

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 6 months ago

wait until they learn about eating. fucking revolting.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 6 months ago

You all are so weird. I love it.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 6 months ago

Some Lemmy advocacy does feel like this

[–] [email protected] 4 points 6 months ago

We need VaPOOrise

[–] [email protected] 4 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) (1 children)

Pro tip - Simply eat a light meal of shirataki noodles, around 200 Cal. With any luck you can form your very own bezoar and rid yourself of this addiction for the rest of your life.

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[–] Resol 4 points 6 months ago

I imagine myself completely exploding after about a week of not shitting. It's still gonna make a shitty mess everywhere.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 6 months ago

ALL HAIL DIARRHEA!

[–] LordOfTheChia 3 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)
[–] niktemadur 3 points 6 months ago

Like that old Kids In The Hall sketch.

"WE WILL NOT BE TYRANNIZED BY OUR BLADDERS!"

[–] LemmyKnowsBest 3 points 6 months ago (1 children)

I may be accidentally joining this ... um... movement

because I've been procrastinating squeezing out a loaf I've had in the chamber for a couple hours

[–] [email protected] 3 points 6 months ago (3 children)

Not much a movement then. Hopefully you got that loaf out by now.

[–] LemmyKnowsBest 3 points 6 months ago

OP proposed a movement.

And I need a bowel movement.

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